Halam'shivanas:The sweet sacrifice of duty

Last chance for one last dance

Solas walked the familiar road, the air was tingling and the calm sound of water filled the cave. The two stags statues still stood tall and proud on both sides of the lake. Everything looked exactly the same as it had done the last time he had been there; as if time had stopped.

A long time ago had he thought this would be the place where he would be reborn as a man who could give everything for his love.

There had been one chance to leave his old self behind, but in one breath had he cast the chance away.

The memories echoed in his head and hunted him day and night. The hopeful smile she had given him, the tears that had streamed down her cheeks and the anger.

-"Tell me you don't care." Her eyes narrowed as anger replaced sorrow. -

" I cant do that." He answered the memory of her with the same words he had once said.

-"Tell me I was some casual dalliance so that I can call you a cold-hearted son of a bitch and move on" Her facial expression was angry but her eyes are begging. She turned her back against him and walks away with steady steps. –

" I'm sorry ..... perhaps if I had told a lie it would had been easier on you. But I was too selfish, did not want you to move on."

He had taken comfort in knowing that she would think of him, it somehow made him feel less lonely.

Solas turned around to leave when something caught his attention. A familiar scent reached him and he felt his heart beat faster. Something red was glittering in the dull light.

Suddenly she stood there in front of him. She wore her iconic white leather dragon armour adorned with bloodstone and a silk blue sash around the hip. The only thing that seemed to have changed was the length of her hair that was tied up with a blue band.

" Solas?" Her voice was but a whisper from her lips

" Vhenan." He said before he could stop himself. She took a step back and placed a hand over her chest as if someone had stabbed her. He wanted to reach out for her but stood still.

She turned around and walked some steps before she stopped and turned around to face him again.

" Am I still your vhenan, Solas?" Her eyes were filled with disbelief and hurt. She looked like a frightened doe ready to leap into the air and run at slightest sign of danger.

It broke his heart knowing that he was the reason to why this usually strong and proud woman now seemed so fragile and at the breaking point.

" You have always and will always be my heart. Even if I'm no longer yours. " He said as calmly as he could.

He did not dare to ask if her feelings for him had changed. He knew there were many men in Skyhold who pinned for her. They would certainty had leapt at the chance to make her happy when he had left.

" You were and are the only one for me. " She said as if she had read his mind.

Solas nodded, his grip around the staff hardened as he held back the impulse to embrace her.

" I keep dreaming that you will be with me. That you will never go." Her voice shivered.

He could sense the question in her words. Is he here to stay? Or will he leave again.

Solas's heart ached for her and his body wanted to feel her warmth. But he knew he had to hold back, for he would have to leave again.

His silence answered her questions and she looked away. He reached out and took her hand in his. He wanted to see her face one last time. Wanted to feel her warmth before saying goodbye. He put away his staff on the ground and bent down on his knees.

" On my knees, I will ask for a dance. This is the last chance for one last dance."

A tear fell down her cheek but she nodded. He stood up and pulled her closer, the feeling of her body against his sent shivers down his spine. How he missed her everything. The danced slowly body against body but she did not face him.

" Vhenan look at me, I beg you."

Slowly she turned her head so she was facing him. He smiled a sad smile when he looked into her eyes. In his arms was his everything, his heart and he will have to leave it yet again. He leaned down and kissed her before he could stop himself. The sweet taste and scent of her was overwhelming. His hands travelled to her hair and he took out the blue band that tied up her hair. Her soft hair against his skin and her mouth against his made him burn up inside. He broke the kiss and gave her an apologising look.

She leaned her head against his chest and gave it a half-hearted punch

" You are a cruel man Solas." She said with tears in her eyes.

" I know, Ir abelas vhenan "