My Addiction - Tom kaulitz

hate

hey my little pookie bears, exam season has been killing me and I forgot ab this story completely. oopsies. but I will continue writing for you all, please be patient I have two weeks left until I can dedicate a lot of time to this book so don't be disappointed if updates are slow. also thank you all for the support so far <333

*******

"Get me a drink would you." Tom's eyes shoot up to meet mine, his voice demanding and low, I walk into the kitchen, his fancy bottle of brandy sat formally atop the marble counter, a glass beside it, a few perfectly square ice cubes reflect the florescent white light hanging from the ceiling. I take the heavy glass decanter and pour the golden liquid into the cup, "How long is this going to take?" Tom calls from the living room, his voice bounces off of the sterile white walls and reverberate in my skull as I place the bottle of brandy down, and take the glass to him. 

Tom snatches the drink from my shaking hands, sipping it without uttering a word of thanks, I stay stood with my hand still out in front of me, watching as he swallows the bitter liquid. "We're getting Bill tomorrow, and let me make one thing very clear," he yanks my wrist, pulling me to my knees in front of him, "You even consider pulling anything, you are done. And I mean it." He snarls down at me, the darkness in his eyes growing tenfold as he throws my wrist away and takes another sip from his glass. 

I pour myself a drink, and in the reflection of the clean crystal glass I see Toms eyes dead set on my still body. I take a sip, letting the strong alcohol burn my throat. He walks towards my swaying body and rests his hands on my shoulders as he looms over me. "Don't the stars look pretty tonight?" He whispers down my neck, I nod, unable to speak. "Like your eyes, but I don't see any stars in them anymore." He adds, I take another long swig from my brandy and scoff, "Mhm, I wonder why." He squeezes my shoulders in response as he begins to sway. 

He walks away from me and flicks the lights off, the only remaining light being the sliver of the moon peeking out from the clouds, he switches on an old radio, and as he moves towards me the music begins to crackle to life. "I don't want to hurt you." I turn to look at him, his hooded eyes fix on my own, I can't help but get lost in the woodland scene taking place in his irises, and the more I stare back, the more I see. A twig covered floor sheltered by the autumnal pallet of leaves hanging from the trees, and a hare dashing from bush to bush, its fair fur getting caught on the thorn coated branches. I see a fox lightly treading across the wet mud, his dainty feet becoming coated with the dirt, and he leaves a trail of four toed footprints behind him as he creeps behind the hare, waiting to pounce.

He takes my hands in his and brings them to his lips before placing gentle kisses along my bruised knuckles, he pulls me into him and places my hands on his shoulders as we begin to sway, yet my body fights to stay rigid. 

What I'd give for this moment to be peaceful, just two people swaying to the whispers of romantic music under the star splattered sky. Yet I don't have that, not today, tomorrow or yesterday. So as I let Tom move our bodies to the melodies humming in the distance, I imagine none of this ever happened, I pretend I was never even here, not in Tom's arms, not in this penthouse, not even in New York. I wish to be one of the stars decorating the sky, keeping a close eye on those who have the punishment of life. 

"You know..." Tom speaks, his tone is level and his voice is tranquil, "I want nothing more than to destroy your world." my eyebrows drop as each word spoken punches at my brain, "What." I whisper, "My sweet Angel, I need to. Can't you see? If I let you back out there, someone else will do just that. I can't let that happen, I need to be the one to cause your intestines to collapse, I need to be the one to bulldoze all of your memories, your love, your hate and everything in-between, I need to be the one to carve out your pretty little eyes so you can't see the world as it is." He pauses for a moment as he takes a few breaths, "It's because I hate you, I hate hate hate you. You drive me fucking crazy, your dumb little smile and your rosy cheeks. You make me fucking insane." His voice quivers with a bubbling anger, "You. You and your stupid ideas and thoughts. You don't deserve thoughts, God what do you deserve?" I back away from him steadily, "You don't even know what you've gotten yourself into huh? I am going to be the one to murder you, from the inside out. And I will cherish each tear that slides down your face, because I hate you. If each of the eight point one billion people that populated this earth represented hate, it wouldn't even represent one one billionth of the deep set hatred I feel for you." He closes his eyes and removes his hands from my shoulders. 

I swallow the saliva pooling in my mouth, I have no words for any of that, I have no reasonable response to the spiel of despise directed at me. Yet even after all that, he smiles. An eerie one at that, his lips curve up into a grin so sinister I feel conflicted as to wether I should even look at it. I grasp the cold marble counter behind me as fear poisons my blood, and yet he still smiles.