Choosing 13 | Johnny Kavanagh

chapter twenty two

Lilia

Letting myself in, I hang up my bag and drop the car keys in the bowl, "I'm back," I shout, feeling weird about it though.
"Living room," I hear Trish say back so I walk in the living room, only to find her on her own.
I look awkwardly around, "where's everyone?"

She checks her watch, "you're a bit early coming back, pet," she looks at me with a puzzled smile, "it's only half seven."
"I was getting tired, but Hars went to his other friend's house because they were doing a gaming thing," I sigh, clearing my throat.
Actual reason is they were going to go out for dinner, but I didn't want to eat, and not eating out when everyone else is a bit awkward.

So Harvey gave me the truck and I just drove around the city for a while before coming back here.
I could have stayed out all night but I couldn't give them that kinda headache from Jack so I came back.
"Are you hungry, your brother made a lovely pasta bake?" she offers, tilting her head slightly.
I smile flatly, "sure, where are they?"

"Your brother's friend came over so I told Carden to go out and we'll look after Jacks, so Jacks is upstairs with Kevin," she says just before we both hear the door open and Tony walks in.
Tris' face instantly lit up as she saw him, "you're back early?" she says, Tony sits down and gives her a kiss on the cheek.
I study the couple, how she smiles, how he looks at her, how natural they both look.
Flashbacks of mum and dad flood through my mind, how they weren't this soft to each other, when he didn't even greet her when he came home.

I don't want it.
I have read too many books to know that kind of love is a gift, it's rare to find, but I'm not going to find it.
Five years from now, I'll be working my ass off because I either ran away with Jack or got knocked up by an addict and he backed out because I was too drunk and high to stop it.

That's what my mother did, but the druggie actually stayed and made her kids' lives a living hell, despite the lack of proper care they needed for children and just being adults from the age of eleven.
And you know what they say.
Like a mother, like a daughter.
I just deserve it.

I step towards the door but Trish calls me back, "yes?"
"It will take time, okay?" she tells me with a comforting smile.
I nod and walk over to the kitchen, where I make a bottle for Jack and heat up a bowl of pasta before going to my room to drop off the two.

I take a shower and change clothes, before heading to get Jack.
"Come in," Kevin says as I open the door, "oh, t-thought it was mum." he looks up and leans back into his chair.
I give him a tight smile, "is he asleep?" I ask, walking over to the bed.
"Yes, about half an hour ago?"
Tucking my hair behind my ears, I slowly sit down on the bed to try to lift Jack up without waking him, it fails. "Lil?" Jack mumbles, resting his head on my shoulder.

"It's me, buddy," I say, standing up to walk out, "thanks," I nod to Kevin, who is just staring.
He clears his throat, sitting back in his chair, "any-anytime."
I shut the door behind me and let out another sigh, then I hear some other footsteps and Aoife with Joey comes up the stairs. "Lilie, hi," Aoife says, looking a little startled.

I squint at Joey, smiling teasing him, "I'm telling her about this one," I whisper.
"Not what you think," he rolls his eyes back, but he does have a smile on his face.
Aoife nods a little too quickly for my liking, "y-yeah, he promised me- who are we telling?" She looks between us.
I shrug, walking forward to my room door, "yeah, who are we talking about, Lynch?" I prod him, "I mean, I was just jok-"

"She knows, dumbass," he deadpans, walking past me.
I blow out air, "you're smart," I say.
He scoffs, "she knows, Grayson."
"Should've started with that, should've you," I shoot back, pressing out the door.