You're My Heaven To My Hell

Chapter 19

"She smoked. Drank. Died slowly inside... It's because she felt closer to him even though they were miles apart." -Author

*Aurora's POV*

Seriously, that's the bit Izaac focuses on...

I mean, Atticus has done more, like taking care of my wounded arms and getting my hair unstuck from my bag.

He's done a lot despite everything said in our argument.

Izaac suddenly shakes his head. "... Sorry. I'm wondering how you're still alive. To be fair, I understand his perspective. Most guys desire drunk girls as they won't remember the next day and they're easier. So, yeah, I'm not surprised if he's pissed off at me for leaving you alone. But Atticus hates everyone, so I guess, don't take his anger personally, Rory." He replies, shrugging his shoulders.

Yeah, I know Atticus is right about being angry towards Isaac... But, don't take it personally?

Who the hell does he think I am? Some normal non-overthinking teenager?

I sigh as a reply.

"We both were hypocrites, but it doesn't even matter. I said I'd stay out of his way so I'm not a burden on him anymore..." I say, consciously staring down at my body and I pull the blanket up. "Mate, I need a break from all of this. My mind and him. Just give me a second while I shower." I sigh, running a hand through my hair, and I look down.

There's so many holes in this dress. Accompanied with patches of blood and stretch marks... Caused by foreign hands.

"Aurora... I've never seen him save anyone like the way he did with you... So, I'd suggest try to be open-minded with him. The guy doesn't even seem to know himself, let alone anyone else." Izaac says with a shrug, causing me to stop for a second before heading to the bathroom.

Yeah... Seems like we got that in common, too.

Suddenly, I take notice of the mirror and I stare at myself.

Mainly at my eyes, that are puffy from all the tears.

Tears created by Atticus... By that guy... By myself... Why didn't Izaac tell me I looked like I've just hung out with a pack of wolves?

Or Atticus? Could've been a great insult from him.

Slowly, I slip off my dress, feeling the soreness of my arms and I look down at the patches of red skin that feel sticky as well.

"I put numbing cream on parts of your body due to the pain." He whispers, smoothing out the skin on my neck and I let out a harsh breath.

Why does the first guy I actually want to know in New York have to be so damn complicated?

Hesitantly, I turn the shower on and I feel the cold water run down the disgusting marks on my skin... It's like I can feel everything happening again.

Suddenly, the razor on the sink catches my eyes and without realising, I instantly grab it, placing it against my wrist.

One deep cut and that's it... I'd be free from it all.

"A kink for infections and frostbites, huh?" He unexpectedly suggests, ignoring my shock and glances at my arms.

Jesus... I can hear his voice even now.

I groan, placing the razor back on the sink, and I start to scrub my skin.

But no matter how hard I scrub, I still can't get rid of those unwanted touches from the party.

I sigh, deciding to stop and I dry myself off before going out to see Izaac staring at Atticus' window. I wait for him to notice me, but he leans his head closer to the glass, as if he's trying to see through his blinds.

Please tell me that's not how I looked during the first night?

"How's my mum?" I decide to ask, causing him to jump up and I smile, ignoring the embarrassed look on his face.

I wonder what's going on in my mum's head... I don't want her to worry and balance my stuff, too.

"Well, I saw her and Bella laughing as I came up and she didn't ask anything about you... For 2 days straight." Izaac replies, looking up at me with an awkward smile.

2 days? Wow, my soul really needed a nap.

But, that's good that my mum probably thinks I'm struggling to adjust to New York. At least Bella has been with my mum. I don't know her much or at all, but as long as my mum likes her, she's alright with me.

Even, if her son could be the devil's incarnate.

"So, you want to go to school?" Izaac suddenly asks, snapping me out of my thoughts and he sits on the bed.

Right... School.

"Yeah." I answer, running a hand through my hair and I stare emptily at the floor.

My mum paid for this school, so I can't miss a day for myself. People probably think something is going on between me and Atticus, so they won't talk to me, anyway.

Honestly, I don't really care at the moment as there's nothing to worry about. If they think me and Atticus are friends... Actually, they'll more likely believe me being possessed or practising voodoo on him instead.

"You know you're dealing with what happened better than I thought." Izaac states, looking at me with a smile.

I am?

Maybe, it's because I'm thinking about Atticus, saving me instead of being sexually assaulted... He's an annoyingly weird comfort.

But, I do get scared... There was this moment at the party, when I remember giving up because I couldn't push him off.

And, I think I still have that part inside of me... That feeling of numbness. Failure. Nothingness.

I can't breathe anymore.

I just feel... Numb.

That same ringing noise in my ear... My heart's pounding against my chest... Slow, crushing sounds around me.

My brain feels as if it's stopped... Lost all feeling to everything... Like, I know what's happening, but I don't feel it.

Like, I've become paralysed.

"Thanks." I whisper, shrugging my shoulders and I gulp deeply, recognizing how thirsty I am now.

"Right." Izaac answers, deciding not to add any more to it, and he stares at the floor, deep in thought. "But, I'm still confused about how you're still alive, like did you even say anything to him?" He asks, gulping deeply.

... You want to know what I really thought? That you're lonely because you seem to depend on cigarettes and rage to burn everything inside of you..." God, what am I saying? "... Maybe we're both in the wrong here." I sigh, wanting to sleep again.

I widen my mouth. "I-I said some random shit to him... Like my longest vent I've had with anyone." I reply, staring at the floor, and I bite my tongue nervously.

That's the first time I've spoken to someone for that long... Like actually said my thoughts and wasn't interrupted.

I've never shouted at anyone or said how hurt I was before.

All because of Atticus.

"Well... It was nice knowing you then because he's probably planning your death already." Izaac blurts out, springing back on my bed.

My death? Honestly, I don't mind it.

I look at him, who still staring at the ceiling in shock, and I sigh, deciding to change the subject.

No point bothering him with my issues.

"Off to school." I quickly force out, grabbing my stuff and I see him slowly nods, staring at me with a frown. "I'll be fine," I add, forcing my smile.

I'll be just fine.

**************************

I'm a mess.