'Til Death do us Part // a Stolitz angst fanfic

Nothingness

TW: Suicidal ideation, trauma

STOLAS POV:

My body goes into some sort of panic as I feel him fall even more limp in my arms.

What do I do?

What can I do?

All I want is to help him. He is what gives me purpose, a reason to wake up in the morning. Because even if I'm not going to see him that day, every day I live gets me closer to seeing him again. I want to make him happy.

I just wish I knew how.

There is one thing I do know for sure: I am not going to leave him.

I hold his fragile body close to me, trying to help bring him back to consciousness.

His body still shakes and trembles, and his breathing is weak. I check his pulse.

After I confirm that he is alive, all there is to do is wait. It feels like an eternity before I see his eyes flutter.

BLITZØ POV:

My whole body hurts. A sort of pain I don't know how to describe. All I want right now is to be held by Stolas.

Satan damn it, I love that bird. And I hate it.

I  hate that I let myself fall in love again. It's all going to be ruined again. Just like it always is.

Every time, I fall in love with someone way out of my league. First Fizzarolli, who was a way better clown than I was. Then Verosika, a literal pop star. Now Stolas. I just know at some point, Im gonna fuck it up. He never loved me. He is going to try and find a way to get rid of me. Find some sort of excuse to never talk to me, even if he wants to.

He shouldn't want to.

I have been nothing but shitty to him. I agreed to dick him down every month for the book, and I never listen to him. I have never listened to his struggles, taken notice of his hardships.

I feel like the worst Imp alive.

Maybe I don't want to feel anything anymore. Maybe it would be better if nobody had to put up with me anymore.

What have I ever done for anyone? I ruined Fizzarolli, I have been shitty to Moxxie and Millie since they joined IMP, Loona tells me daily how shitty of a dad I am. I think their lives would be better without me.

Just then, I snap out of my trance. My eyes are stinging, tears roll down my cheeks. Stolas's warm hand is resting on my head, and tears are running down his face as well. I lean into his hand. The warmth is... soothing.

After a long while of crying together in silence, I have regained most of my strength.

And I do something I have needed to do for a long, long time.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

Shorter chapter today, sorta had writers block today. I know where I wanna take the story, but it's gonna be a while before we get there.