tayvis oneshots ★

tale as old as time

"Tay, you good?" Taylor hears Travis' voice, and she blinks, turning her head to see him looking at her from the dining table, looking up from his laptop.

"Hm?"

"You just, you were, like, frozen in time for a second there."

"Oh." Taylor looked down at the bench. The cupcakes were ready to go in the oven, she just hadn't quite reached that step yet. "Oh! I just," she took a glance at Travis, nervously stuttering when she met his eyes that remained locked on her. "I just- um. These have to go in the," she picked up the cupcake tray, "In the, yeah." Taylor mumbled pathetically, putting the cupcake tray back down to open the oven, then finally bending down to place them inside and close the oven door. She remained crouched on the floor for longer than necessary, silently berating herself.

It wasn't that she was hiding anything, or lying to him, although she managed to make it seem a lot like it. Recently, Taylor had been beginning to feel a little unsteady. Her and Travis were suddenly the least occupied that they had ever been since they began dating, and all the extra time gave her too much time to think. And overthink. Now, on this quiet Saturday afternoon, soft Spanish orchestral music flowed through the speakers in the house and Taylor found herself struggling with the idea of having absolutely nothing on. They had no plans, having decided they deserved a weekend with zero responsibilities. So, she ended up baking cupcakes. But that did nothing to quell the worries.

When Taylor stood up, she frantically avoided looking at Travis, and she could see him staring at her in her peripheral vision. Picking up the dishes to rinse in the sink, she knew her movements were unnatural. She wished so badly that she could act normal.

"Taylor."

There it was. Her eyes snapped up to his.

"Yeah?"

"What..." his eyes drifted down. "Can you turn off the tap?"

Taylor nodded, and turned it off. She swallowed, looking back at Travis.

"What's wrong? Please don't bullshit me."

Taylor opened her mouth and frowned, surprised by his words.

"Sorry, I'm sorry, I just-" Travis sighed and stood up, walking over to Taylor as he spoke. "Taylor, will you please just tell me if you're not okay?"

Standing before her, he looked at her expectantly. After she remained silent, seemingly waiting for him to speak, he continued.

"I love you. You know that, baby?"

Taylor nodded slowly, a soft smile on her face. He looked at her with so much kindness in his eyes. She loved him so much. Too much. Her smile faltered as he reached out to run his hand over her head, smoothing down her ponytail. She didn't deserve him, she didn't understand how she got so lucky to be standing in his kitchen with him. She didn't understand any of it, how it was so good, too good. How she hadn't fucked it up yet. She felt as though every good day that passed, the inevitable fall got worse and worse. Like that earthquake. The Big One. Each day with no earthquake, pressure is added to the fault lines. And it felt imminent.

Taylor wasn't sure whether the best strategy to thwart the tears in her eyes was to blink really fast, or not at all.

"Please," Travis' voice cracked, his hand still stroking her hair. "Talk to me. I'm begging."

Taylor swallowed, her throat tightening. Neither of them were stupid. He knew something was wrong, she knew she wasn't great at hiding it. But any time Travis asked her if she was alright, she played it off and he let it go. Until now.

The pain in his face was too much to stay silent, but what was she supposed to say? I love you so much and I'm terrified you'll leave me even though you've done nothing to suggest you'd do that? She knew she should speak, just say anything. He'd be happy with the smallest look into her mind right now. But she was silent for a reason, she was intentional in trying to not be more of a burden than she already was. She felt like she couldn't breathe, all her energy went into trying not to cry.

"I..." Taylor started, having no clue how to continue. Her voice came out as a whisper, shaky and weak.

Travis was so still, as if she was a deer he didn't want to scare off.

"I'm fine," Taylor finished, her voice unstable, tears falling from her eyes.

Travis shook his head softly, the worry on his face heavy. He pulled Taylor into a hug, she immediately buried her face into his chest.

"I'm scared, Tay," Travis' voice was thick and low. "Do I need to be scared?"

"No," Taylor sobbed guiltily, shaking her head against him. "I'm so sorry." For all the praise she gets for her storytelling, sometimes she can't communicate for shit. And she hates herself for it. But while it was stupid, it also made sense to her. She felt like she was in between a rock and a hard place, and staying silent was a whole lot easier than actively communicating to Travis.

"I just want to help you. Why won't you let me?"

"You don't need to," Taylor found her voice, pulling away from his hold. She took a deep breath. "I'm fine," she said, knowing how silly it sounded.

When he didn't offer more than a deep sigh, Taylor continued. "I'm sorry, I know that..." she gestured feebly, "... seemed unfine..." Taylor grimaced. "But you don't need to worry. I promise," she smiled weakly.

Travis shook his head in disbelief. "Taylor, I can't keep doing this."

Taylor felt the blood empty from her face. Her forehead turned ice cold, though her body burnt. "What?" she managed to ask. She could hear her heartbeat roaring past her ears, her throat dry and a tight feeling holding her lungs.

Travis' eyes widened. "Not, not this! Not us! Oh, Tay, come here."

Travis pulled her in again. She inhaled deeply once realising he wasn't breaking up with her. She could still feel her heart beating insanely fast, and was almost certain he could feel it too as he pressed her up against him and rubbed her back.

"I'm so sorry baby, I didn't mean to scare you. I love you so much."

Taylor nodded, "Okay," she said quietly, her pulse slowing down as she focused on her breathing.

"I meant I can't keep doing this. Knowing you're not okay but not knowing why. Just tell me what's going on in that beautiful mind. You don't need to say it all. But just giving me something to work with. I hate not knowing." Travis loosened the grip on her so that he could see her face, but she looked at the floor.

Travis gave time for Taylor to think, and then to speak. She swallowed. She knew she had to say something. She couldn't stay silent now.

"I... I can't."

Travis remained quiet, waiting for more. But when it was clear that's all she was giving him, he pushed for more. "Can't what?"

Taylor sighed, and looked up at him "I just, I can't."

"Taylor, I don't know what you mean," he whispered.

She nodded. "I know. I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"For me! I don't know!"

"What?"

Taylor almost spoke, but caught herself. Her face flushed pink, realising she'd already said more than she wanted to.

"I don't know, nevermind."

Travis felt her pull away, both literally and metaphorically. He felt bereft, as if a chill passed through the room.

"I need to pee," she said abruptly. She glanced at the oven. "Shit! The cupcakes!" She looked at him worriedly. "Can you, uh," she gestured to the oven. All he could do was nod. "Great, thanks," she smiled sweetly, moving around him to make her way to the bathroom. It was as if suddenly she couldn't stand being in the same room as him.

-

if you're confused, i assure you, you don't need to be. you aren't supposed to read this and understand exactly what's going on in taylor's mind. it intentionally doesn't make sense, because taylor's concerns about herself and her relationship are irrational. hope you enjoyed <3 part 2 is imminent... at some point. maybe. i haven't fully decided yet.