Saints and Sinners

♱ authors note

Shakespeare, the god of tragedies, once penned, 'These violent delights have violent ends,' and it is upon this precipice of human frailty and sinister allure that this novel teeters, a dark academia canard woven with threads of eerie melancholy and gory pathos.

Perhaps Dostoevsky was right—akin to the characters surviving this tragedy of a tale, "I exist. In thousands of agonies, I exist."

And as I always preach—á la folie—to insanity.

Ah, Shakespeare, god knows I love you. You are my religion.

"Some rise by sin, and some by virtue fall," a notion as foreboding as the raven's relentless croak in Poe's morbid poem, sets the stage for this very story—a narrative where ambition and virtue intertwine like the raven's inky wings, each character's ascent and descent marked by the spectral gaze of fate, as eerie and inevitable as the midnight bird's haunting call.

I have always been haunted by an eerie fascination with ravens and blackbirds, their fleeting visits as they perch atop window sills, heads tilted, eyes piercing the soul. Gazing into the abyss of their midnight eyes, I find myself drowning in the endless void. Their croak of 'nevermore' sends a shiver through my very being, and my soul sinks into the darkness.

As a writer, I keep doing that—bleeding a melding of ink and blood while having unrequited conversations with the abyss that taunts me like Nietzsche so beautifully describes, "If you stare into the abyss long enough, the abyss stares back at you."

I'm young and corrupted by tragedies—my own that make up fragments of my soul and also ones I've read—drafted by the experienced. My madness is a defence against both, terror and grief. To be young and so tired is the real catastrophe—the grip on my throat only gets tighter, from the inside and out, I'm all wide-eyed and rough edges, stripped of my lucidity and twisted with time, I hate change, yet here I remain, scuffed elbows and bleeding wrists.

All this survival, merely to accept my reality and not live it—is the realisation this novel was born from. 

After all, "Conscience doth make cowards of us all." There is always a method to madness and this is mine. This is the unravelling of my mind and if it ruins yours in the process, so be it. I hope you like this novel, especially for all you literature and philosophy geeks out there (like me), this one's for you. I love you all. 

"I rise from my worst disasters, I turn, I change."—Virginia Woolf.

Fata viam invenient—fate will find a way. Thus, to fate and to whom my heart's desires endlessly pour forth—A, the one who never abandoned hope for me. Thank you for finding me human enough to figure me out, even in my absurdity. You love me with all my imperfections and I, you (even though you're perfect, my sunshine). Thank you for being the sweetest boy and putting up with me writing this novel even if it nearly ended me. 

Lastly, I could never leave out my favourite women—Jane Austen, "You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope." And Anne Sexton, "I am a collection of dismantled almosts."

Thank you so much for picking my novel to read and please refrain from sharing any spoilers or revealing key plot points. Let others enjoy discovering the story's twists and turns on their own. Thank you for preserving the experience for all! Do not spoil/comment any spoilers or your comments will be deleted. 

Without further ado, here are the trigger warnings for the book, they will be mentioned at the beginning of each chapter if the writing has any triggering content:

Self-harm
Haematophilia
Masochism
Odaxelagnia
Violence
Domestic abuse
Mentions of cannibalism  
Blood and forms of gore
Strong language/Swearing
Sexual/mature themes
Mentions of homophobia/homophobic slurs
Anxiety
Mental illness
Suicide
Death
Murder
Substance abuse and addiction
Mentions of abuse (physical, emotional, sexual)
Light yet graphic depictions of decay and rot
Mentions of cyberbullying and online harassment

Yes, this novel contains the aforementioned themes and content that may be disturbing or triggering to some readers, but these elements are integral to the narrative and are intended to evoke emotional responses and explore complex themes. It is important to note that these depictions are not intended to endorse or glorify any such behaviours or situations. Please exercise discretion while reading, and if you find certain themes distressing, consider taking breaks or skipping over those parts. If you are sensitive to any of these themes, I advise approaching this book with caution. (Trust me, for the frail soul I am, I don't delve into it way too much but I just needed to warn any fellow frail souls.)

ALSO! Please note that the story may start slowly, and the writing may initially seem simple, but it improves significantly as it progresses.

I hope you like the novel, please do let me know what you think! I love reading your comments! 

Here goes nothing yet everything, I've given my all.

- lots of love, T <3