Evocation

(CLEAN) Chapter 26- One

*This is the cleaner version of Chapter 26. You do not need to read them both.*

I clutch the sheets under me, closing my eyes in bliss. The soft fabric slides through my fingers. Suddenly my bedroom door opens and my eyes shoot open in panic.

My whole body goes rigid and I pull the blankets up to my chin, as if that's going to hide Dean, who is between my legs. Lorcan looks over at me from the doorway, his eyes glancing down at the moving blankets and back up.

"Lorcan," I say loudly, my heart beating in my chest.

He steps around his cot and walks into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. I throw the blankets off and push on Dean's hands.

"Lorcan is back, you have to go," I whisper. Dean sighs and lays his head against my thigh, not wanting to move. "I'm serious," I push.

Dean stands and quickly finds his clothes. I throw mine on, as well. I'm ushering Dean out as fast as possible when the bathroom door opens again. My head spins, watching Lorcan's reaction. He registers Dean in the room, then shakes his head with a sigh. Dean's feet glue to the ground and he cocks his head, ready to fight Lorcan if he has something he wants to say. It's only been a few days since everything blew up, and I had been doing a good job of keeping the two men in different places.

"I'll see you later," I say, pushing Dean out the door. He grabs my wrist and pulls me in for a kiss that lasts a little too long. I shut the door and turn around, feeling like shit.

"I'm sorry," I say, sitting on the edge of my bed.

Lorcan shrugs, sitting on his cot a couple feet away. "Nothing I haven't seen before."

"I- I know," I stutter. "I'm not trying to rub it in your face or anything."

"Then fucking in the same room you're making me sleep isn't a good idea," he says. His words are bitter but his tone is casual.

"I thought you'd be gone a little longer," I confess. Lorcan doesn't reply. "How did dinner go?" I ask cautiously.

"I gave it my best shot." Lorcan rubs his eyes with his palms. "The crew started arguing about whether or not I should be dead. Then a fight broke out. That's when Hadrien told me to come back up to the room so I wouldn't get hurt."

I watch him with pity. His stormy, sad eyes look up at me. His skin is splotched red with sadness and stress. "You don't deserve that." My voice sounds small.

"Don't I?" Lorcan sighs, defeated. "After all I did?"

"Well, why did you keep the Skull Gem for so long?" I ask.

Lorcan shakes his head. His blonde hair falls in his face. "I wish I could tell you the amount of times I tried to give it up. The amount of times I tried to speak to you about it... it was like my throat closed up and my tongue stopped working. I wanted to do the right thing, I did."

"I know how that feels," I say. "For so long, I wanted to be a good captain and a good person. But it was like my brain was trying to convince me that all the wrong things were right. That night that I made Daegan beat Fenix... I wanted to stop. I knew it was wrong. But I couldn't stop. It's like I wasn't in control of my thoughts."

Lorcan bites the inside of his lip, thinking. His blue eyes are distant. When he looks at me again, clarity fills his features. "Captain Bradley told me once that the Skull Gem has influential powers."

"You think it makes people assholes?" I ask in disbelief.

"Maybe," he sits forward. "It makes us angry and resentful. As soon as I took possession of the gem, you mellowed out. And I..." Lorcan sighs, regret twisting his face. "I became different. Captain Bradley also said it can effect animals. I mean, fish practically avoid The Evocation. And the shark attack with Christopher-" Lorcan stops abruptly, a sour look hitting his face. I wait for him to continue. "That morning..." Lorcan's voice is tense. "I brought the Skull Gem out with me swimming. I was going to drop it in the ocean and pretend to find it. It felt easier than confessing at the time. But I still couldn't do it." Lorcan is quiet for a moment before continuing. "That shark came out of nowhere, unprovoked. It must have known Christopher had been around the Skull Gem."

I watch Lorcan, processing his words. "You think I'm insane," he says.

"No," I answer honestly. "I believe you."

"You do?" Lorcan sounds shocked. "Why?"

"I don't know if it's because I want to believe I'm not capable of being evil without influence, or because I want to believe you couldn't hate me so deeply. But I do. I believe you. I'll ask Alastair for more answers when we reach Parmenia,"
I say.

"The damage has already been done. Will asking Alastair even help?" He asks.

"I think it will," I shrug.

"Why? It's not going to make them believe." Lorcan gestures to the door, to the other crewmates. "It's not going to make them care that I had good intentions."

"I know how you feel," I tell him. "I've been hated by all the crew and felt like they were better off without me. It's not easy."

"How did you get through it?"

I make direct eye contact with Lorcan, hoping he really hears my words and receives my message. "I had one person, without fail, who always believed in me."

His eyes water and his jaw sets firm, attempting to mask his emotions. "That's all it took?"

"That's all it took," I confirm. "One person who knew I could be better, until I was."

"And me?" His voice is barely a whisper, too weak or ashamed to ask.

I reach forward and hold his hands in mine. "As long as I'm around, you have one."