Is It Really Worth It? - A Heartstopper Story

A step back

Author's Note: Hi! I am so sorry for not posting in while, I've had a very chaotic and rough past couple of weeks and I wasn't able to write on the days I normally do. Due to the hiatus, this is the longest chapter in the story so far! Enjoy!

TW: Swearing, verbal fighting, SH

Charlie

After the short 15 minute drive to the house, I take a step through the doorway and look around to see me and Nick's little home. I see the memories we made, the little marks and scratches we made on the walls throughout the short time we lived here. We may have only lived here for a short time but it feels like it's been forever. I'm not quite sure if that's because of how long we've been together or because we've made it our home. I go into the bedroom and start packing my things.

Suddenly I start getting flashbacks of our relationship and I start sobbing. Then it hits me, Nick cheated on me. Our relationship isn't going to be forever. It's gone. All those years we spent laughing, crying, holding each other, are all gone. What's the point of life if Nick's not in it. Did he ever love me? Was this all some kind of sick joke like Tao said all those years ago? I can't do it anymore.

I go into the master bathroom and grab my razor. It's been four years since I last relapsed. I was doing so fucking well. But I also can't live without Nick. After about five minutes, I hear the keys turn in the door. Fuck. "Charlie? I'm home love!" It's a bit muffled due to the door being shut. I start quickly and quietly cleaning up until the door opens. Fuck I forgot to lock the door. Hey babe, what's with th-" I look up at him with fear in my eyes while his eyes look around the bathroom putting the pieces together. "Hey, what's going on? Come here love." He says in his stupid gentle voice. I can't take being treated like a baby from him anymore.

"Fuck off!" I yell as I try to leave the bathroom, this is really the only time I hate his tall, strong, broader figure. He's in the doorway and now I'm stuck in here. "Charlie, no. We don't have to talk about it but please let me help clean them." He tries to grab my arms but I back up. "I said fuck off. Let me out!" "Char, what's wrong? Please talk to me." At this point his eyes are watering. I know I'm hurting him and I feel like shit for that but at the sametime, he cheated on me. I can't fucking trust him after that. I need to get out of here. I can't be here.

"What's wrong?! What's wrong is you are fucking cheating on me! I can't live knowing that you did that to me! I don't know how to live knowing you did that to me! I don't know how to live without you Nick! The worst part is I found out through Ben Hope!" I'm sobbing at this point, my legs are feeling extremely weak. Nick's face drops and he begins to sob.

I take this as an opportunity to get around him and grab my bag. "Charlie, wait! What the hell do you mean I cheated on you?! Why the fuck would you believe Ben?! I swear I would never cheat on you! Was there any fucking proof?!" He grabs my arm, forcing me to look at him. "Yes. Yes there fucking was! You want to see it ?!" Thankfully I had Ben send me the photo and I shoved it in his face. " There is your fucking proof!" The photo was taken from a distance but you can very much tell it's Nick and his other partner standing in front of a very expensive jewelry shop hugging. "I swear that is NOT what it looks like, that is Sai for fucks sake! I promise I didn't cheat on you, I would never!" We're both sobbing at this point. "Then what is Nick?! You got proof to show?!" "Charlie, Sai was helping me pick out a ring for you! A proposal ring! I promise I would never cheat on you! I was going to propose! Why the hell would you believe Ben over me anyway!?"

I wasn't expecting that. We both go silent with only sniffles filling the room. I get a notification from Ben saying he's here. "I need a break, I can't do this right now. I'm...uh... I'm going to a friend's house for a few days." I begin to walk out but then I hear a small voice. "Please don't...I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I-I can sleep on the couch, o-or wherever just please don't leave. Not now..." I look up at his big brown eyes, tears flowing down his face. All I want to do is run and fall in his big strong arms. I want to cuddle in bed with him while we cry together. I want to tell him about the pregnancy and the choice I made. But I can't. We both need a break. It's probably the wrong choice but we need time alone. I need time alone.