Is It Really Worth It? - A Heartstopper Story

No, please

A/N:Hi! I'm so sorry for the wait on the chapter but I'm glad to finally get it out! Thank you so much for the support and for everyone being patient! Enjoy!

Charlie

I wake up with a warm body up against me. An arm wrapped around my torso, a hand in my hair, fingers swirling around my curls. This feels all so familiar but at the same time, so different. I keep my eyes shut, wanting to wake up a little, that's when flashbacks of everything start happening, and when I realize the body against mine isn't Nick's, it's Ben's.

I turn my head and scoot my body a tad bit to the side. "Hi" he says and smiles warmly at me "H-hey". "How are you feeling?" "Oh um, a bit better than yesterday I guess" I give him a small smile, uncomfortable with how close he is. I don't even remember him crawling into bed with me last night. "Do you want to talk about it?" "Um, not right now. I'm gonna get ready, can I use your shower?" I begin getting up. "Yeah sure of course" "Thank you." I collect my things and quickly head to the bathroom, making sure to lock the door.

As the water touched my skin, I couldn't help but feel guilty for how Ben was when I awoke. I know we're not together but I hate the thought of another man cuddling me in my sleep after everything happened yesterday. I shouldn't be in another man's arms right now, regardless if me and Nick stay together. But what if Nick ended up in someone else's arms last night? God, the thought of that is terrifying. My hands navigated to my stomach. The other thing I have to worry about. I really don't want to go through with the abortion but the timing is absolutely horrible, I don't want to be pregnant while going through all of this. If Nick and I end up splitting I don't want to worry about custody things and I certainly don't want raise a kid without Nick. Even if I found someone else, I don't want my child to have to live with step-parents in their life.

My shower ended up being longer than I intended it to be, which makes sense since I was so lost in thought. I quickly finish getting ready for the day and head into the living room where I see Ben watching T.V. "Hey, how was your shower?" Ben asks. "Oh um, it was okay" I say sitting on the end of the couch. "Just okay?" He scoots closer to me. "I just got lost in thought, that's all." "I'm sorry, I'm here to talk if you need" He squeezes my shoulder. "Thank you, I appreciate it. I'm just not ready to talk about everything." "Okay, just know I'm here for you in every way you need me to be." At this point I want to sob my eyes, all I can do is give Ben a smile and slight nod.

Nick

I wake up with a pounding headache, slowly I open my eyes only to be blinded by the sun. "Ay, you're finally up. How you feeling mate?" Sai asks. "Fucking dead." I groan, keeping my eyes shut. "Seems about right, you got so pissed last night." Sai laughs shoving my feet on the ground so he can sit on the couch. "Never let me do that again. What time is it?" I ask, slowly opening my eyes. "12:38 pm, sleeping beauty." He laughs as I flip him off. Once my eyes are finally open, I head off to the bathroom to take a shower.

As the warm water hits my face, I suddenly remember the events of yesterday. I can't help but sob. Is it really all over? No, no it can't be. I can't lose Charlie, I just can't. I was just about to ask him to be my husband, I just bought the damn ring. I can't lose him. My knees give out and I fall to the floor of the shower, shampoo running down my face. I decided then and there I'm going to call Charlie and go to wherever the hell he is. I need to make things right. I don't care if he doesn't want to talk, we need to talk. We need to make things right.

I quickly finish in the shower and get dressed. "Sai, where's my phone?" I ask once I'm in the living room. "Kitchen counter" he calls out. I open it, hoping to get something from Charlie but instead just a bunch of instagram notifications. My hands shake as I open Charlie's contact and click the call button. I try to be patient but as the call rings all the way through to voicemail, I start getting a bit pissed. This repeats 5 more times before I finally give up and send him a voicemail. "Charlie, baby, I get you're pissed off with me but please, we need to talk. I understand if you're done in the relationship but please, let's just talk in person. Give me and call or text to let me know you're alive. I-I love you."

"You good mate?" Sai asks once I end the recording. "I can't lose him, not like this. He won't answer my damn calls." I look down, gripping the sink when I feel tears running down my face. Sai pats me on the back, "Maybe wait a day? He could still be pissed. Have you tried his sister? She probably knows everything." "Maybe I should, she'll just take his side though, there's no point in trying with her." "I don't know man, give it a shot."

Charlie

I slowly wake up from my nap, only to find it didn't really help with the tiredness I feel. I check the time on my phone "1:32npm". Shit I mumble to myself, my supposedly "30" minute nap, turned out to be 3 hours. Along with the time, I see I have 6 missed calls and 1 voice mail from Nick. Fuck. Should I open it? Should I just call him right back? Am I ready to talk to call him? What if he says he wants to break up? I know we just had a big fight and we both said things that hurt but it can't end like this. Can it?

It takes me about 5 minutes to finally decide on just listening to the voicemail before deciding on if I want to talk to him at this moment. I turn up the volume on my phone and get half way through before Ben comes into the bedroom. "Hey, what are you listening to?" he asks sitting next to me on the bed. "Nick called and left a voicemail, just wanted to know what he said before calling him back." I pause the recording, setting my phone off to the side. "Oh, are you ready to call him back? Isn't it too soon to talk?" He grabs my hands and looks me in the eyes. "I don't really know right now." I say ashamed that I don't even know if I want to talk to my first love.

Ben scoots closer, lifting my chin so my eyes meet his, "Why don't we worry about that later and go get something to eat?" His face is ridiculously close. "I-I'm not that hungry right now, sorry." I move my head back a bit. "That's alright, what about a movie? We could have a few snacks out just in case?" "Um, yeah sure. Let me just listen to the rest of Nick's voicemail" "Do that later, you don't need to worry about him. He hurt you, take a break from him for a couple of days." His voice got a but harsh but he stood up reaching his arm out. I hesitantly took his hand as he led us the the living room.

After a bit, we finally agreed on a movie but he was still so close. Me and Nick were still technically in a relationship, we never officially broke up. This feels wrong, I don't even have feelings for Ben. I want nothing more than to be friends, which Ben is aware of. I was shaken out of my thoughts when I felt Ben's hand in my hair, his fingers curling around my curls. I look back at him, "Your hair is so soft." Ben says scooting even closer to me. "Oh um thank you, but uh can you um please stop playing with my hair?" I feel shame rush over me.

"Why, what's so wrong with it?" Ben's voice rises. "It's just Nick's thing and I um don't feel that comfortable with other people doing it." I move back a bit. "God you really need to forget about him. He hurt you, remember? Sorry that me messing with your hair is such a big fucking issue." He begins yelling. I start crying "I-I'm sorry, I d-didn't mean it like that." I run to the bathroom.

Nick

It's now 3:30 pm, and I still haven't heard back from Charlie. All I've done today is sat on the couch with Sai watching different rugby matches. "Heard anything?" Sai asks. "Nope" I sigh, feeling defeated. "Nick, I think it's time you try his sister. At least getting an answer from someone will help you in the state you're in." "Fine, where's my phone?" "Right next to you." I dail Tori's number in my phone and let it ring for a bit. Finally she picks up.

"Do you need something Nick?" Tori asks dryly. "You wanna tell me where the fuck my boyfriend is?" I ask. "Is he not with you in your home?" She spits back. "Did he not tell you?" "Tell me what Nick? What the fuck is going on?" "We had a fight yesterday, he left the house and hasn't answered any of my phone calls." I feel my anxiety raising. "Fuck. I'll try reaching out and tell him to get back to you." Tori's voice drops. "Why has he been acting off?" I ask just wanting to know how I can support him better. "He's pregnant Nick." My face drops.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! I didn't mean for this chapter to be so short but I do want this story to be a bit long! I am aiming on getting the next chapter out tomorrow or Wednesday!