I've always felt like there's something missing in my life. but i never knew what it was. is it my identity? i can barely remember anything from my childhood.
it was only pain, separations, emptiness, and melancholy.
i believe my past is painful to recall, but I don't mind. I'm not afraid of pain nor sadness. but i still could not remember much. i could not remember how i was. someone told me that I'm unique. i gladly took that as a compliment. but thinking back, if I'm unique, then in what way? was I different in some way? everyone is different in their own way though. i could not remember how people behaved around me too.
ah. i remember some of the fun times. practising together with my friends in the band. i loved playing drums, i loved having fun with them. I've always worked hard, without knowing what it was for. though people around me or past me would agree that i was pretty lazy, but i was holding on.
trying my best to just survive in this empty and meaningless life. i was trying my best, and no one knows that i was suffering internally. all they care were just about my studies, my homework, my results...
perhaps the past me did not even realise it. did not even realise that the past me was suffering. she was too busy keeping up with everything, with life, and with the people around her. she was trying her best to go through every single day of her life, without any complaints.
she was empty. she hated herself.
YOU ARE READING
my personal writings.
De Todoshe did not realise that she was feeling intensely, almost unconsciously, until she reflected on her life.
