Pets

Now What (Gage)



She is hysterical. Screaming at me at the top of her lungs about her baby. I had to hold her down. She is fighting me while screaming about her baby. I don't know what to do. Charlie is begging me to let her go so she can go get her baby.

Then she stops fighting. She looks at me, but you can tell she isn't seeing me. Then she says "Just fucking kill me already."

I know she is not awake really but it was...I don't even know. I have to get out of the room. What am I supposed to do with that? I have no idea how to help. I walk out into the hallway, and to my office. I lost it again, I can't talk again, I can't breathe again, and I was full blown sobbing again. I Couldn't stop it. I got angry. I'd rather be angry than sad and useless. I picked up my chair, and smashed it against a filing cabinet. Leaving a huge dent and plastic pieces everywhere. I grabbed the desk and flipped it over. I grabbed the other chair, and tried to put it through the wall. The other chair broke the glass of the office door. There are pieces of wood all over, Paper, and glass scattered all over the floor. I leaned against the wall and slid to the floor. I put my head in my hands. Then pressed my palms into my eyes. I will not fucking cry anymore.

I have to calm myself down before I go back to Charlie. Fuck...I hit the file cabinet again. Leaving a large dent on the side. I felt a little better, but I busted my hand open. It doesn't bother me. It was already all fucked up from the fight anyways.

It takes me a while to settle enough to get myself under control. I think I can go back now. I give myself a few more minutes. Slowly walk back. The cleaning crew is going to freak out. When they see the room. I take a few deep breaths before I walk back in. She is sitting up, she looks scared, and confused. I have to know why.

"Charlie, why didn't you tell me?" She looked horrified now. I shouldn't have asked. I just don't know why she wouldn't. She is thinking and biting the inside of her lip.

"I swear I didn't know until..." She starts to say. I didn't want to make her say it. I didn't want to hear her say it. I brush her hair back cause it is everywhere.

"I'm so sorry. If I had known...I just don't understand how I didn't know?" She is beside herself. Her face is so beat up and her voice lets me know she is about to become hysterical again. I didn't mean to make her more upset.

"It's ok. It's not your fault. I should have never left you. I should have left you with someone. I got lazy." I did get lazy, again. I got comfortable, again. I let him hurt her, again. It won't happen again though me and dad will make sure of it. I lean over and kiss her forehead. She looks like she might break if I touch her.

"Charlie, I love you." I kiss her forehead softly again.

"I love you too, Gage" she looks up at me. We both look awful. Both of our faces are swollen and bruised. She has a lot of bruising on her abdomen and sides. Doc told me she has at couple cracked ribs, and almost all are bruised. All the damage to her abdomen is why she lost the baby. He said the stress, and trauma of everything also contributed.

"When can we leave? I don't want to stay here." She says gripping me like I am the only thing keeping her anchored to the ground. I didn't think about that.

"You want to go back to the apartment?" I ask shocked. I wouldn't want to go back there if I was her. Apparently, she didn't think about that either. Because her eyes got big. She shook her head 'no'.

"Is there someplace else we can go? Maybe your Dad will let us stay there with him?" Uhh..I don't even know if he still has a bed. Let alone the fucking futon I used to have there on the rare occasion I stayed with him. I guess we are going to grandma's. That should be fun. Hopefully she doesn't pull a shotgun out on me again.