To the Beach and Back

Chapter 23

Holda scrunches her face at me in concern as I load all my packed bags into the back of my Jeep. "But you can't leave! It's Friday! Nobody leaves Ocean City on a Friday," she says, walking to the deck where Sadie rests, taking her bony gray face in her hands. "Look. This old girl is happy here. And what about your sand bucket list? There's still lots you haven't done, like swimming in the ocean!"

Swimming in the ocean is the last thing I can think about.

I'd most likely drown.

I shake my head. "I'm sorry, Holda, I'm going to miss you so much ... but I can't stay any longer."

She narrows her eyes at me, years of wisdom and understanding crinkling on her tanned skin. Holda then stands and walks toward me, wearing the same jean overalls and marigold-yellow tube top as when I first saw her on the back of that boat, what now feels like a lifetime ago. The rhinestone stars on her cheeks glitter and sparkle as she cocks her head to the side and says, "Honey. There's no reason to miss me just because your house sold. You're always welcome to stay in my house! We could get Allyse back as well. Get the whole gang reunited again."

Allyse.

Just the mention of her name makes the vice grip on my heart tighten.

There is no gang. Maybe there never really was. We were just temporary friends ... she said that herself on that first time when we struck our friendship pact. And now she's gone, and I'll soon be gone, too.

Holda raises an eyebrow. "Ryan would love to see you here as well."

No, he wouldn't, not if he knew I kissed my ex-husband just days after blowing him off by ignoring his date invitation.

I put the last of my bags in the back and shut the hatch. "I'd love to stay, Holda. I really would ... but I can't. I don't belong here. Not with Allyse, not with you, and not with Ryan."

Her shoulders drop as tears start streaming down my face.

"Oh, honey. Please stay," she says. "We'll fix up some mimosas and have a nice long chat on the back deck, alright?"

God, I would love that.

But I can't.

Instead, I step into her warm embrace, clinging to her until Sadie softly whimpers from the deck. Moments later, as I drive away from Ryan's house for the last time, I can tell that Holda is watching me the entire time.

~~~

My house has never felt so empty before.

Not even on that Friday morning three years ago when Nick packed the last of his belongings into his truck and left me.

I walk to my front door to stare out through a sideline, remembering the look on his face when he paused at the truck door, hand tight on the handle. His handsome face twisted with pain as he glanced one more at the house he had called home for twenty years. My chest tightens and my breath stills just as it did on that day from his hesitation, with me praying and hoping with all my might that he'd change his mind and come back. But he only got in the truck and drove away, not looking back once.

Was our moonlight kiss on the bay the same thing ... a hesitation? Was he taking one more moment to consider our relationship, only to turn around and sell Haven, slamming that door between us for good?

I pry myself away from the door and walk through the foyer, the sound of my footsteps echoing off the walls. I make my way to the kitchen ... my perfectly clean, organized kitchen and lean against the fridge. Everything seems too dark now. The deep cherry cabinets, the brown granite countertop, the hunter-green painted walls and the heavy drapes.