SOULTIES

Chapter 5

excuse any mistakes

Carina Cashmere Greene-Fischer

Being that Naomi is only a year and a half younger than I am she's very smart. Book smart that is. She has a little bit of street smarts to her but that's about it

Momma Rose and Poppa Mike made sure she didn't have to want for anything as she got older. She stays in a middle class neighborhood, is a straight A student

In honor society, she's a cheerleader and vice president of the school. She's hoping to go to school for cosmetology or to become a nurse

Being that she doesn't know which she wants to do she decides she'll just get a degree in both so she'll have something to fall back on just in case she doesn't like one

I sometimes imagine myself as her and how at peace she must be to not have too much to carry alone

She has parents that does everything for her. She's in early college, has her own car. She's only just turned seventeen and doesn't have to barely lift a finger

My own life sometimes knocks me out of my imagination. I aspire to have that life someday. Hm So I guess you can say I do look forward to having a future

To me it seems just like a fantasy. Always dreamed of having my own place with two kids maybe more but I slayed want them to come from a love home with two loving parents

All just my imagination. I look forward to it sometimes. Maybe that's why I'm so hard on myself at times

Maybe because I feel as though I have to prove something to others. Prove that I'm nothing like my parents and that I won't abandon my kids in anyway, shape or form

I'll love them unconditionally and give them the life that I once deserved but I'll give to them and enjoy every moment of it as I watch them grow

"Rina did you hear me?"

"Sorry what'd you say?"

"Nothing. Can't help you if you don't want the help or pay attention" she mumbled but I heard her

"Sorry"

But then it's times like this where I don't want to get frustrated with myself because I'm so caught up in my own world

"If you're not going to listen or do the work then you can just leave Carina. This is serious, I'm trying to help you and you're not even paying attention"

"Naomi jeez, calm down. I'm only just starting on the next question" not to mention she is the only child

"But you could've been done with it is all i'm saying. i'm helping you and you're not taking it serious. Do you not want the help?"

Of course I want the help "yeah" I said writing down the equation "then act like you do and stop acting like your mother"

I sucked in a quick breath before giving a tight lipped smile "right, I'm sorry" I said before she started back helping me with the math

We sat in silence doing our work and it seem like the time went by faster "Rina it's going on five, want you to get home before it gets too dark ok?"

"Yes ma'am"

She closed the door as she left out "what's your lowest grade?"

"69 in biology" I said lowly "what about your math?"

"Just above a 70"

"Other grades?"

"79 in physical science, 97 something in english, free period stays at a 100"