Stray Kids Sickfic

Han - Top 10 Worst Feelings

This was a request from someone on AO3 - I can't find the username, so if this sounds like something you requested, thanks for the request :D

Warning: this talks a lot - by a lot I mean literally the entire thing - about throwing up so if you don't like that, just skip this one.

Like all my stories, this is written platonically, but if you want to view it as Minsung, I'm not gonna come after you. Enjoy!

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I've gone through some pretty shitty situations before, I'll admit. Leaving your parents behind to pursue a career that has absolutely no guaranteed success and fighting through your teenage years to reach a future that wasn't promised is not an easy thing. It's hard. The fear of losing everything at a moment's notice over one mistake is enough to deter almost anyone from the path I chose. But I kept going. I kept going because as scary as all that may sound, there is something that scares me more. 

Getting sick. 

And I don't mean the simple fevers, chills, the headaches and runny noses. I mean the actual getting sick part. The throwing up into a garbage can or into the toilet until your stomach itself is trying to come out your mouth. That getting sick. 

I know exactly how it started. It started when I was a kid - just nine years old - and I got the stomach flu after a birthday party for some girl in my school. I spent the entire night throwing up. It wasn't bad until I inhaled it. I was choking on my own vomit to the point that I was dry drowning and had to go to the hospital so they could suction my throat and lungs. 

Never ever again. Whenever I feel sick, I overdose on whatever medicines I can find and refuse to eat until the risk of getting sick fades away. I avoid boat rides. I never read in the car. I don't like carousels or merry-go-rounds. The fear might be a little restricting, but not to the point that anyone has noticed. Obviously, I know, but no one else does. After puberty, my immune system seemed to be a bit stronger too. I don't get sick as often anymore so the risks of throwing up have decreased into the range of things I can control.

The only downside is that now, when I do get sick, I get really sick. 

Which explains why it's 2am and I'm still awake. My entire body is freezing cold, but the second I let my blankets touch me, I'm a hot potato and I can't handle that. But the coldness in my body is so deep inside that I don't think I can ever feel warm again. I know I have a fever though. My mouth is hot - it's my personal thermometer. If my mouth feels hot under my tongue, then I have a fever - no thermometer needed. 

I have a fever. I have a bad fever because I feel it in my joints. My body hurts so badly. And the shivering doesn't help the ache that's settled in every inch of my body. I almost want to yank my arms and legs off and throw them in the oven. I want to kick and scream and cry until I feel better. But Hyunjin is dead asleep beside me, and I can't wake him up. 

I feel like shit though. Worse than that, but is there any word to explain feeling worse?

I wrap my arms tighter around my stomach, forcing the risk of throwing up to go away. But my throat is burning with the fever and the need to expel anything I've eaten in the past few hours. Which isn't much, but we had a late dinner. I can't throw up though. I don't even think I have the energy to sit up straight and if I threw up, I'd just inhale it since I'm lying down. I'd choke and drown in my vomit. I can't do that again. 

Tears start falling down my cheeks, adding to the stickiness of the sweat and the heated flush on my skin. I hate everything I'm feeling right now and I know that I can't just lie here anymore. I need medicine. I need a cold washcloth. I need help. I need some serious help because I'm burning up, crying, gagging on my saliva. I probably look pathetic. I feel absolutely pathetic.