Stray Kids Sickfic

Han - Just One of Those Days

Me: "I'll get back to recommendations!" 

Also me: *doesn't*

Actually, though, I will. Just let me have fun with these random ideas popping into my head. I hope you don't mind. 

Enjoy!

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It was just one of those days that made Han feel like shit. Not physically so much as mentally. He was drained. He couldn't focus. His attention was all over the place - even holding a conversation was an impossible feat. His thoughts ran rampant. He was exhausted, but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep. Besides, it wasn't even that late. He was stuck in Chan's studio with both him and Changbin who were discussing an idea for a new song. 

Han was trying to work on lyrics. He really was. He was putting everything he had into focusing, but his mind just kept wandering. It wasn't even to bad things - it was just not present whatsoever. He needed to get this done though. This was his job. He needed to do this. He also needed to be there for his fellow 3Racha members. 

But that was normal work stress. For some reason, it was just one of those days the stress felt paralyzing. It was too much, and while it was mental, it manifested physically. He felt sick. His stomach hurt. His head ached. His fingers were numb. And still, he couldn't focus. 

Why today though? Some days he could sit here for hours, and it wasn't a problem. Now? Now, somehow, he was back on his phone scrolling YouTube shorts. He turned his phone off, forcing his eyes to return to his notebook. Empty notebook. There was the name of the song they were working on but that was it. He needed to do this. And then they could go home and get dinner. What was dinner tonight? Minho was probably cooking right now. He picked up his phone, about to text the elder to ask what he was making for dinner when he realized he'd gotten completely distracted again. He threw his phone down on the couch, angry with himself for letting his thoughts falter again. 

 Music. Focus on the music. Maybe if he had that light blue gel pen Seungmin gave him it would be easier to write. He found that he liked the way it rolled. It made writing fun. When he actually had something to write. Like that one time he was really angry with Felix but couldn't say it to his face, so he wrote him an angry anonymous letter and stuffed it in his pillow. He later apologized for it with many tears but- here he goes again. He buried his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut. Focus. He needed to focus. He was focusing yesterday. Why not today?

Maybe he needed to move. Maybe that uncomfortable twisting feeling in his gut was his body telling him it was time to take a lap around the building. But he was too tired to get up. It was too much. He didn't want to deal with that right now. He just wanted to write. But in order to write he needed to focus. And he needed a clear mind to focus. And he needed to take a walk to clear his mind. But he needed to be more awake to take a walk. Which would require more sleep. Which would require him getting this music done with so he could sleep. It was a circle of torture. 

He'd never get anything done like this and maybe that's why he was so stressed. He bounced his knee, hoping to relieve some of the tension in his muscles. It didn't help much, but it felt nice. His mind wandered again, though the anxious, knotted stomach feeling wouldn't fade no matter where his thoughts led him. 

"Hey, Sung-ah, can you- what's wrong?" Changbin glanced back, immediate concern taking over his tone when he noticed the position the younger member had assumed. 

"I'm fine." Han blurted, ripping his face out of his hand and forcing his knee to stop bouncing, though it left a painful ache in his leg like the muscles were fighting against themselves to simultaneously move and stay as still as possible. "What did you need, hyung?"