Just In Case - A Lilo Fanfic

Chapter 5

After his home visit, days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months, and soon Louis was able to smile without pushing it to his lips. He was able to tolerate the emptiness of his flat but he still found himself keeping the radio on, more out of habit now than anything else. He had stopped over cooking his food, mostly because Harry had deemed him pathetic for doing so and called him a lousy cook, and Louis might have a competitive side to him that wouldn't allow himself to be known as a lousy cook. Louis had even purchased a new bed, after spending the weekend in one at his mother's, he just couldn't force himself to spend too many more nights on that damned couch. This one was just as big but Louis has learned to live with that. At least it no longer smelled like Liam or held memories of the two of them staying up till late hours of the evening talking. No, this was a new bed, new mattress, new sheets and even new pillows. It had no sentimental value what so ever, and Louis tried not to hate it too much.

His job was going fine. He's stopped marking other teacher's papers in order to put off going home, though some of them seemed a bit disappointed about that. He's been able to be a bit more upbeat again in class, the students seeming to notice this as well. For a while there it was hard to be that fun, always on teacher that kept their attention, and he had started to notice it in his student's grades. They had stopped paying attention, but now they were back on track, thankfully. He's even taken it upon himself to supervise the making of the school's play this year, helping with getting everything prepared, holding auditions for the roles and getting the necessary costumes and props. It was a good distraction and gave him plenty of excuses about having no time to date, because yes... Harry was already pushing random guys on Louis, trying to get him to go out with them, even if it was just for a quick shag.

Louis knew Harry was only trying to help, trying to get him back out there but Louis just wasn't ready. He wasn't sure if he ever really wanted to get back out there. Doing that would just lead to more heartache and he wasn't sure he could handle anymore. He wasn't even willing to have a one night stand because that's what Liam was supposed to be, a quick shag that admittedly took a little more work than he was used to, but Louis had wanted him bad, more than he even knew and that's where the problem came. Liam was supposed to be a quick shag, but that turned into regular dating and regular shagging, which was fine until it had turned into something even more, something serious. Something meaningless had turned into something not so meaningless without Louis even realizing until it was too late, so Louis didn't even want to risk it right now. He's not sure he'd be able to open his heart like he did for Liam ever again anyway, he knew he didn't want to. Even if it weren't for the inevitable heartbreak, Louis didn't want to love anyone else because... Well... He still loved Liam.

As long as it's been and as much as Liam had hurt him, Louis couldn't find it in himself to stop loving Liam. A measly five months couldn't wipe away the two wonderful years they spent together. Five months couldn't erase all the memories Louis had of Liam, it couldn't reverse a feeling that was so strong it often scared Louis when he thought about it. It scared Louis because he knew he would do anything for Liam, even now. He loved Liam with all his heart and more, and there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't just let him go like Harry wanted, it just wasn't that easy.

Maybe it was pathetic, maybe he should be mad at Liam at least, but he wasn't. He wanted Liam to be happy and if he wasn't happy with Louis, then so be it. It's not like he had never thought Liam would break up with him because for a good chunk of the beginning of their relationship Louis was just waiting for the bloke to come to his senses and realize was a loser Louis was compared to him. However, after the first year, Louis started to think that maybe Liam hadn't cared about that and would actually stay with him. He supposed he was wrong and it just took Liam a little longer to figure it out. The bloke could be a little slow sometimes.