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( ♰ ) . • ˚ ━━ SEX MONEY FEELS DIE!
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Even as a kid, I had always hated birthdays. One day a year to remind you that you weren't anywhere near where you wanted your life to be at this point. One day a year to remind you that you're getting older, and things are going to change. One day a year to remind you that you have to change along with them.
Nineteen, but I didn't feel nineteen. I didn't ever feel eighteen either. A small part of me felt like I was still stuck at thirteen. Perhaps I would be stuck there forever.
My life wasn't as bad as others had it. I don't say this in an egotistical or boastful way. I just mean that if you take a step back and look at the things I have going for me, there's nothing too wrong with my life, which makes why I think the way that I do so much more confusing.
If my life is so perfect why do I still have these thoughts? There's nothing to weep for. There's nothing to dwell on. Yet, every time I'm left alone with myself all that I can seem to think about is all that's bad.
Everything I could and should have done differently. Then I hate myself for not realizing my mistakes sooner. Then I hate myself even more for letting myself feel upset about something I no longer have control over. If I had absolutely nothing going for myself? If I didn't have a roof over my head or food on the table? If I hadn't had Satoru, Shoko, and Suguru? If I hadn't had Choso? Then I would have an excuse to be depressed.
