Multifandom Oneshots

ben ~ kylo ren

1.8k words

Kylo is irritable which means everybody is miserable. He is yelling more than usual, hurting people more than usual. He is colder. Nobody is happy about it. What everyone is even more upset about is they can't figure out why. Everyone is a somewhat irritated, the war has picked up and they have all lost quite a bit of sleep since, but nobody is as angry as Kylo Ren. Nobody understands why, which means they have no idea how long they will have to walk on eggshells around the terrifying man.

It's not a loss of sleep that as made Kylo so angry. What it actually is, is that he misses her. He misses her angelic giggles. He misses the way her small frame wraps around him like he is the only thing in the world that can protect her. He misses her sweet kisses. He misses her jokes, god she's so funny. Hell he even misses the way her freezing cold body steals his heat. She always says he's her 'personal space heater'. It's not like he doesn't see her at all. Sure, he passes her every once in a while walking through the ship. He even once got hurt and got to spend a whole hour with her while she stitched him up (and scolded him for being so reckless). He might sleep next to her every night but, by the time he gets back she is already asleep and he leaves every morning before she wakes. He has had no time for their regular lunches. They haven't been on a date in months. They haven't had sex in a month, which for them is the equivalent of a decade. He misses her like he lost her forever. The past couple months have been torture.

He rushes through the halls. His speed increases the closer he gets hoping to get as much time with her as possible, even if she is asleep for it. This god damn war. These god damn rebels.

Kylo excitedly steps into their shared room and his heart sinks when he sees the image before him. The love of his life sitting on their bed, knees to her chest and head in between them. He can hear the loud sobs that come from deep in her throat, even though she has her face stuffed into a pillow to control the noise. The sound of the door closing causes her to look up, pure terror on her face at the thought of someone seeing her like this. Her fear relaxes when she sees it's him.

"Ben" Her voice barely croaks out, eyes too cloudy with tears to see anything but his broad silhouette. The name makes him panic.

She rarely called him Ben. She didn't like to. She wasn't in love with Ben Solo. She was in love with Kylo Ren. She loved Kylo for who he was, flaws and all, scars and all, dark side and all. She was the only one he would ever allow to even utter the name Ben but she never did. Not unless she was terrified. Normally the name tumbled from her lips after a nightmare, needing the soft comfort of the man she knew so long ago. It's not that Kylo wasn't comforting, he was. It was more a longing. A longing for the time in which she knew Ben. The time in which she was wrapped in the safety of childhood. She wanted to go back to before. To when she was a young girl who didn't know what pain meant. To when her and her best friend, Ben, played in the dirt. But that was impossible. She knew it was impossible... most of the time. In these moments she didn't know anything. So; too terrified, too sad, too panicked, and too weak to think: she called out for Ben and in an instant he was by her side.

"Darling?" His hands pull her into his large frame, his body completely engulfing hers. She opens her mouth to speak but the only thing that comes out is a loud sob she's fairly certain the entire galaxy can hear. "Shh. It's ok, I've got you. You're safe." He reassures, soothing his large gloved hands over the thin material of her nightgown. While helping her through panic attacks isn't new to Kylo, this is the worst he has ever seen from her. Her small hands grab desperately at his robe, holding it as if it is the only thing that anchors him to her. Her harsh sobs are only interrupted with her gasps for air. "Love, love. You have to breathe." He begs, smoothing her hair down with one hand, the other still rubbing her back. She tries, desperately to breathe, her lungs making noises of struggle as she tries to suck in air between cries. She's crying and hyperventilating so hard that Kylo wouldn't be surprised if her body forced her to throw up in an effort to get in air.