Lost Souls

Chapter 13

Something—the lingering emotions from yesterday, the truth Dad had revealed and the various emotions that had followed it, or recalling the devastated look on his face—drew me from sleep early the following day. The water beyond the palace was still dark as night, yet I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep anytime soon. Not with his words still ringing in my head, sorrow infused in every syllable.

Not when I could still feel the waves of grief, sorrow, loss, rage, and agony rippling off him, the same that was now swirling inside me. I wondered if he'd told Mom yet—if he'd mastered himself enough to rip open that old wound again.

I knew he'd tell her when he was ready, but I was terrified of her reaction. Especially since we were all still processing Faye's death. Without thinking, I sat up in bed and stretched my arms over my head—a movement I'd done countless times before without thought.

This time, however, a bolt of pain sliced across my back, drawing a muffled cry of pain from my lips. Wincing, I reached over my shoulder and gingerly touched the wound, hissing when my fingers came back dotted with blood. I knew that if I swam into the bathing room and looked in the mirror, I would see the ugly wound staring back at me.

I wasn't surprised, though—with all the strenuous activity I'd done in the past few months, I'd known it was only a matter of time before the wound eventually reopened. Before I could lose my nerve, I pulled my shirt over my head and winced as it brushed against my wounded back. As much as I wanted to hide in my suite all day, I knew either Mom or Dad would worry if I didn't show up for breakfast. I gently opened and closed my door, heading out of the palace under cover of darkness, knowing that very few others would be awake at this hour.

Which is what I needed. I didn't have a specific destination in mind; I only knew that I needed to get away from the palace and the memories it contained. I'd show up to breakfast to soothe Mom and Dad, but as soon as possible, I would haul tail and leave the palace far behind. Unsurprisingly, I found myself in front of a row of graves, the sorrow welling up inside me until I could no longer contain it.

Gut-wrenching, heartbreaking sobs burst from my lips as Dad's words from yesterday swirled around in my head. "'Unbeknownst to me, or even Bella herself, our father had injured her enough in one of his numerous attacks that he'd ruptured her pelvis, nearly killing her in the process. That's why neither of us ever dated or married anyone—seeing that heartbroken look on anyone else's face was just too much to bear.'"

As I floated in front of Faye's, Carla's, and Ella's graves, I did the one thing I had sworn to myself I would never do: I gave in to the voice in my head that constantly reminded me of my mistakes and flaws. To my horror, the voice was jarringly familiar: someone I trusted. Someone who had shown genuine concern and worry for me. "You didn't have their backs when they needed you. Now they're dead because of you. Are you going to wait until every single one of your family members is dead and you're all alone?"

Ani's voice was loud in my head, growing until it eclipsed everything else, including my breath and heartbeat. "You couldn't protect your family when they needed you. What makes you think you can protect anyone else?"

Breathing heavily, I floated there for several minutes, hands clenched at my sides. I did everything I could to dispel Ani's voice: I pictured Carla, Ella, and Faye in my head, conjuring up their voices to be louder than the former's. If anything, that made it worse. Instead of their bright and cheerful laughter, I only heard their scornful voices repeating Ani's words. "You couldn't protect your family when they needed you. What makes you think you can protect anyone else?"

It was all I could hear: over and over until they blurred into unintelligible sobs and screams. My heart began pounding as tremors shuddered through my body. I was dimly aware of sweat beading on my forehead, then a voice—far away and faint. "Drew! Drew, can you hear me?" I honestly couldn't tell if it was real or just some cruel trick of my imagination. I wasn't sure how, but at some point, I had ended up on the ground and was now scrambling backward.