Lost Souls

Chapter 16

I stayed with Ani through the next day and into the following night despite her protests. Truthfully, I didn't want to go back to the palace. Even as my body ached and the wound on my back twinged from sleeping upright in a chair multiple nights in a row, I stayed by her side as the nightmares continued. I was there when she woke up scared and confused; I was there when she woke up sobbing, unable to speak through her tears.

The reactions varied, but she never once asked me to leave. On the third night, I watched the moonlight shine into the water, holding Ani's hand, when she let out a soft whimper in her sleep. Remembering that first night, I tensed, hoping and praying she could pull herself out of this nightmare. "Ani," I said softly, my voice barely more than a push of breath.

Not wanting to startle her but also not wanting her to suffer again, I tightened my grip on her hand as I repeated her name. "Ani. Whatever you're seeing isn't real. Focus on the sound of my voice. You are safe. No one can hurt you anymore."

When she started crying, panic gripped my heart in an unshakable grasp. I braced myself for the inevitable screaming that followed such intense tears. Despite having braced myself, I was in no way prepared. Bloodcurdling, heart-stopping screams tore from her throat. My heart nearly stopped as I reached out and drew her into my arms, stroking her hair and murmuring to her. 

Her sobs gradually lessened to whimpers, and when she finally woke up, her face was pale as death. She didn't speak for several moments; her gaze was far away and haunted. Her words from days ago drifted through my mind, drawing a shiver from my spine. "'I worry that I might lose someone if I care about them too much.'" I wanted to comfort her, but I waited for her to speak first.

"Y-you... I-I couldn't f-find you. Y-you were c-calling my n-name, but I-I couldn't f-find you." Every other word was a stutter, and her breaths trembled as much as her words. The stark fear in her eyes hit me like a punch in the gut.

I wasn't sure why, but she transferred her fear over to me, and I flashed back to those heart-stopping moments after the assailant had fired the crossbow bolt. The sound of Faye's grunt was all I could hear; the image of her slamming face-first into the silt was all I could see. Tears filled my eyes as I panted, desperately trying to get a sip of water into my crushed lungs. Sweat poured down my face; my heart was beating a million miles a minute.

It was only when I felt Ani's hands slip into mine and squeeze that I could push past the panic that was seconds away from overwhelming me. Her voice sounded far away—like she was in another room instead of right in front of me. "Look at me. Focus on the sound of my voice. You are not there anymore. Come back to me."

For a seemingly endless heartbeat, every emotion I'd felt in the past couple of days smothered me until it felt like I couldn't breathe. When I saw Faye's face in my mind—her beautiful, laughing face—I broke down sobbing. Ani's voice was steady when she spoke. "There will be days when it's all too much, days when you can't get out of bed. You will go through every emotion until you fall into a pit that seems bottomless. But you can't stay there."

She heaved a breath, voice breaking when she spoke again. "Whenever I want to retreat into myself and never come out, I have to ask myself if that's what my aunt would have wanted for me. Would she have wanted me to wallow in my guilt and self-pity? Or would she have wanted me to live how she never got to? To find love?"

As the last word left her mouth, she squeezed my hands. My heart broke yet again as I looked up at her pale, tear-stained face. "We have to live, Drew. We have to get up each day for those who can't anymore."

When she leaned in and kissed my cheek, my breath hitched. As her arms came around me a heartbeat later, a few tears leaked down my cheeks. Her words floated through my mind on a loop, bringing with them grief and sadness.