Jiara P4L (english version)

Littel cups 🟧

SARAH'S POV

This morning I woke up in a bath of sweat, my make-up completely ruined, so worn that I looked like a panda with a joker's mouth, this happens to me more and more often lately. When I tried to get up my legs were shaking, everything hurt, especially my head which decided to start spinning like a top. I just showered, removed my make-up, re-done my hair and did my hair. As I go down, my head starts to feel even more dizzy, Rafe, my brother, sees that, a few steps from the row of stairs, I am almost fainting, he reaches me almost running and picks me up before I can fall "Thanks Rafe, no I can walk" then I realize that everything around me is spinning and I decide to ask him "Rafe, why is everything spinning here?" Rafe looks at me like I just said something stupid "What the fuck happened to you Sarah? Have you started doing drugs too?" Ouch... this hurts, for a while I had a problem with alcohol, then with self-harm and then just plain depression; so yes, this hurts a lot. As soon as I touch the ground I hug him "This for helping me" I tell him, then I give him a slap "and this for what you told me!" he looks at me dumbfounded, takes me by the hand and takes me to his room, the only one on the first floor, puts me on the bed and says "I really don't think you've started taking drugs, but can you tell me what the fuck is wrong with you happening!" My brother has always been a good, kind person (even if a little hostile to pogues), but when he yells at me I go crazy, sometimes I want to cry, other times I feel like punching him until he no longer even has the strength to breathe. Today I don't feel like getting angry, so, very calmly, I answer him "I have no idea. And stop yelling at me!" "Ok ok sorry, you're right. Don't you remember anything at all?" Something comes back to me, blurry images, muffled sounds, my head hurts terribly, I take it in my hands, I scream, the images disappear "Everything okay?! What the fuck was happening?!" Rafe asks me worriedly "I don't know!" I tell him now, crying, "I don't know, I saw a forest, a group of people, then I heard screams, a hand covering my mouth, strange noises, a boy panting, then my head literally exploded and I couldn't seen nothing anymore...". My speech is followed by silence for a few minutes, then Rafe approaches me and asks "Where were you yesterday?" "At John B's house." I don't see the slap, I don't see his hand raise, I don't see the movement of his arm, I don't see the whip-like movement made by his wrist; but I feel it, I feel the air splitting his arm, I feel the stock of his hand on my cheek, I feel the pain creeping across my face. The light leaves the room, everything disappears, even Rafe, maybe I shouldn't have trusted him.

KIARA'S POV

This morning I woke up alone, JJ wasn't there, then I got a call from Jhon B saying Sarah is in the hospital with a head injury. Fuck whoever invented the word good morning. I just arrived at the hospital, JJ is there together with Jhon B, who comes towards me as soon as I enter the entrance, I look at JJ almost angry, he looks at me embarrassed, looks away embarrassed and walks away - fuck fuck, what did I think he would do , it's JJ, what could I expect after yesterday- now I'm definitely pissed off... or sad... or both... I don't know! I hug JB "You'll see that everything will be fine JB, Sarah will wake up and be fine again. You'll see..." At 11pm I decide that I have to go home, JJ, who came by car, decides to accompany me, we say goodbye to Jhon B and we we head towards my house. "Are you going to say something or are we going to end this here?" I wait for an answer, every second irritates me a little more, I reach a point of irritation so high that I want to punch him, just when he replies "Kie listen I... I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to do. Yesterday was a mistake, it ruined our friendship and... "A mistake!" I won't even let it finish "A mistake! Yesterday, the best evening of my life, reduced to a fucking mistake! What the fuck is wrong with you?! you said it, you told me you liked me! - I continue now crying - And then the next morning you tell me that it was ALL A FUCKING MISTAKE!" He too has shining eyes while my face is the same color as blood. Inside I'm a mix of fear, anger and doubts , so many doubts, the doubt of having screwed up, the doubt of having rushed things yesterday, the doubt of having truly understood what JJ wanted, the doubt of whether he liked him, the doubt of being at his level. Then I understand that, even with everyone the doubts of the world, I have to make a choice, do I continue my life with JJ or do I leave him, heads or tails? Fake happiness or unbearable sadness? Even though it is one of the most difficult choices I have ever had to make, I instinctively decide "Stop this machina!" he looks at me in disbelief, almost scared "I said stop the fucking car!" I'm screaming in his face, he stops with tears in his eyes, but without ever looking at me, I open the door and, still pissed off, I get out slamming her behind me, I continue on my way to my house alone, I don't want to see her face ever again. Yet, I don't know why when I hear the car start again, move away, I feel something break inside me, like an earthenware cup that, thrown to the ground, shatters into a thousand small pieces. I fucked up.

JJ'S POV

I fucked up, actually, not just one, many more: I had oral sex with Kie not even 24 hours after we got together; I ran away without telling her anything; I didn't speak to her all afternoon; I gave a ridiculous excuse for my behavior and, what's worse, I let Kiara go without telling her anything when she yelled at me to stop the car, told me to say something, asked me for answers and I, like a good idiot, I let it go, without even trying to make things right. Now I am shattered, in my heart, in my soul and also in my body, I am in the shower totally dressed and, under me, there is a puddle of blood, my blood, which still comes out from the cuts I got from hitting walls and furniture, smell of beer, there will be about twenty beer bottles scattered all over the floor, some full, some empty, some shattered. I scream, the only thing I can do now is scream, I have to let off steam. I leave the house and I find myself in front of Nina, one of the kooks who is behind me, I have never wanted to be with them, I have never even tried "JJ I can come in" I reply straight away "Of course" she is wearing a leather miniskirt and a white top which, due to the rain, has become totally transparent. She looks at me with that look with which whores look at their next morsel, she comes closer, I push her against the wall and kiss her violently, we undress roughly, quickly, and what happens next is also quick and without feeling (at least since my part) I penetrate her and fuck her like a slut is fucked, fast, without passion, without pleasure, I come inside her without worrying 40 minutes later. I fucked for the first time in my life and I did it with a girl I'm not interested in, in the worst way possible.

JHON B'S POV

What the fuck did I do, now I'm lying here completely naked, in the bathroom of the bar. Not knowing where to go I stayed in the hospital and Kiara also arrived. We went to the bar and talked, drinking coffee and then moving on to beer, vodka and more alcohol. She was sad, so was I, we pitied each other, so we got close and kissed, and then all hell broke loose, I threw her on the table, we stripped violently, I penetrated her and for almost 1 hour and 20 minutes we fucked, without love, without pleasure, only sadness and the desire to distract ourselves, I came in her ass without even realizing it, I was so high, and now we are here, aware of having screwed up but unable to decide what to do now. What this morning, when I heard about Sarah, I thought was just a crack is now a crater that splits me in two, leaving me breathless.