Secrets of the Heart: JeffBarcode fan fiction

Chapter 1

I close the door to my room and collapse onto the floor. Letting all the tears escape that I had to hold back on the drive. I wish I wouldn't have said anything at all. At least then I could hold on to my fantasy.

2 hours previously

Barcode's thoughts: 'What if I want to be special to you in a different way?' What I just said to P'Jeff plays in my head on loop.

I'm frozen and waiting.
Jeff seems to take a minute to process what I meant. He looks into my eyes and gulps. He then without a word. Looked away. He doesn't speak or make eye contact with me the rest of the way. What is he thinking? Is he uncomfortable? Is he upset? Is he trying to figure out how to let me down? I just wish he would say something. Anything.

Jeff's thoughts: Looking out the window is the only thing I can do right now. I've always looked at N'Code as a brother. It's true. He's changed lately. Became more confident and his body is that of a man's now. I would be lying if I said I didn't notice. I couldn't help but be attracted to him sometimes. It was easier to hide behind fan service and teasing. I thought Barcode would never feel those things for me. But how can I admit I feel those things for him too. How can I say I'm attracted to someone who's only just 18. Even if I could, how could we keep working together? It makes me so jealous just seeing him touch other people. How will I manage if I kiss him, touch him, and hear him claim himself as mine?

2 days later/ Sunday

Barcode goes into the Be On Cloud practice studio.

I came to work on songs, mostly covers. I told my mom I wanted to practice but in truth I needed to express how I felt. For me, I've always been able to do that through music. I sit for a minute playing different songs in my head. Trying to decide which one most perfectly speaks to my heart. I end up deciding on a song and start to sing it.

Barcode singing: 
"The waves in the deep forest
You're the only one for me
The melody of my guitar
It makes me desperately wish again
I'm more afraid it will get erased in
Between the confusing words
All the words that exists in the world
It's enough for just the two us to know
With all my desire, with the growing wave of emotion"

Jeff walks into the practice studio looking for Barcode. He had asked his mom where he was. When he found Barcode wasn't at home. He opened the door slightly and heard the words his nong sung. Code seemed to put so much emotion into every sentence. Like he was playing his own story in his head singing it. Jeff wasn't sure what he wanted to do or say. But he couldn't leave Barcode feeling alone in his feelings. He couldn't let him think he was the only one hurting and longing.

Barcode: P' why are you-
I stopped my sentence, unsure of what was happening.
Jeff had walked with tears in his eyes and pulled me in for a hug. He pulled me so tight that I could feel his heart pounding. I couldn't help, but be aware of the fact that our bodies are pressed against each other. I press my cheek firmly against his. To let Jeff know that I wanted this hug just as much as he did. In fact, I needed it.
Jeff: I love you Code.-I look into Barcode's eyes- You're special to me. Special to me differently than a Nong. Special to me as Tirak(lover).
Barcode thoughts: Looking into Jeff's eyes I see no jokes or teasing. I only see complete sincerity.
Barcode: Why didn't you say any of this in the car?
I looked at him knowing everything he said he meant. I just couldn't help but feel he was holding something back.
Jeff: Code-I soften my tone in a way I only use with him-I'm scared. I know you see me as brave but my feelings for you scare me. I don't know how this fits into work. How this fits into our lives publicly. I'm scared of-I press my lips together not wanting to admit this-how you would feel about this, us years from now.
I listen to every word my P' speaks carefully. Not wanting to miss a single thing. I don't know how we can be a couple and work together. I don't know if we would go public with it. If I even wanted to go public with it. All these thoughts play in my head but one stops my brain mid thought.
Barcode: What do you mean? How I would feel about us years from now?
Jeff: I've seen it before. Someone young, new to love dates someone older. They love them and  their relationship. But then the young ones get older and they start to wonder if they missed out on teen romance. On the two people learning to be in a relationship together. Learning to love together. Getting to be each other first for so many different things. Things you can't be my first for.
Barcode thoughts: I know he's expressing a genuine concern for me and what he wants for me. But I can't help but start smiling. That this man loves me so much, he doesn't want to rob me of anything in this life.
I grin wildly and wrap my arms around his neck. Jeff seems surprised at my reaction but waits for me to speak.
Barcode: It's true a lot of people my age get to experience teen love. While I understand those experiences are unique and beautiful. It doesn't mean having a different type of first love experience is any less.
Jeff smiles at Code's words. Thinking how he may be young but he has the brain of a man. If N' has made his choice in wanting to be with him. They could figure everything else out together.
Jeff: Code? Can I kiss you?

To be continued in the next chapter.