50 Thoughts That Scare Me (Rewrite)

Chapter 11- Unpredictable.

"Frank," my mom shook my arm. I groaned in response and swatted her arms away."Frank." She continued. "What?!" I sat up on my bed, rubbing my eyes desperately.

Oh shit.

"Sorry," I mumbled as I stood and quickly got dressed, spraying deodorant on in the process. I combed through my hair and tried to make it look decent. I gave up, I didn't even have much hair so it didn't matter anyway.

I ate peanutbutter toast as ran around the house collecting all of the materials I would need for my first day back in public school. I was stressing out and cursing myself in my head, who the fuck gets up this early?

I ran out the door and stood at the end of my driveway, waiting for bus #24 anxiously. I was worried about attending a regular school now, no one knew about my condition except Gerard. Hell, I even regret telling Gerard. He's changed so much since the last time we rode a bus together.

When the bus pulled up I took a deep breath and walked on with a straight face. "Seat #15?" The bus driver asked, his name was Allen. I shook my head in agreement as I walked down the isle.

I even spotted Jamia, and that's when memories came rushing back.

I remembered the day Jamia had stolen my seat, giving me the opportunity to sit with Gerard. He had changed since then, and I couldn't tell exactly how. But I remember his greasy black hair, his vow to be silent, he didn't hang around much people, he hated attention. I remember how he knew I was vegetarian without me telling him, and I smiled to myself as I remembered. In a way, I guess he hasn't changed that much. I overreacted when we ran into each other a few days ago, and I felt sorry for him now. How hypocritical, right?

The bus made a stop and recognized this house to be Gerard's, and as he did so long ago, he sat in seat #16. I glanced at him, his back hair still clung to his neck and I guessed that he just showered, his black jeans were tight on him, but he still wore a black belt. His shirt was covered with a black jacket he wore. And I swallowed and my breathing strayed away from its normal pattern.

Gerard hadn't noticed me, he was silent, just like before. He was too busy watching the world pass him by through the bus window.

"Hey Frank," Jamia turned in her seat and smiled at me. I gave her a weak smile back and that's when Gerard had noticed me. He watched Jamia and I interact with each other from his seat, remaining to be silent.

"You look cute today, its been a while." She commented as she observed my appearance. "Uh, thanks?" I was obviously in an awkward position.

I kept glancing at Gerard, he remained watching Jamia and I. Then suddenly, he looked away and watched out the window again. I sighed and turned my attention back to Jamia, who was staring at me.

"We never got a chance to go out, Frank." She blushed a deep pink. I furrowed my eyebrows, what did she mean?

Oh.

"Oh, yeah." I was hoping I wouldn't have to go out with her, I didn't like her like that but I didn't wanna be rude.

Gerard's eyes went slightly wider as he watched us from the corner of his eyes.

"So, what do you say?"

Shit. What do I do? Agree? Disagree? Fucking hell.

"Uh, actually I'm in a relationship." I lied, I felt bad about lying but I really didn't wanna go on a date with Jamia. She was nice and everything, but I reserved myself for death. She also wasn't my type.

I liked theories and deep thoughts and the relaxing feeling I got from the dark. I liked rock and punk music, I liked to think about my death and sit near my own fucking tombstone. Jamia wasn't that type, she was all about pink and sparkles with fucking unicorn stickers.

"Oh, sorry then." She said awkwardly and turned back around in her seat.

I heard a low chuckle and I knew it had been Gerard, he knew I lied.
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School was hell. I then remembered why I despised the place.

I ended up sticking to myself the whole time. Interaction didn't come easy with me, I just wanted to go home.

When lunch time hit I walked into the cafeteria and found an empty table, preparing myself for sitting alone and in complete silence. I continued to pick at my salad, feeling uncomfortable in the crowded room of people.

I glanced around, Jamia sat with her usual friends, making googly eyes my way. I cringed and proceeded to look around, Gerard sat alone. I watched him as it seemed that he was working on something. I was intrigued with Gerard, just like before.

He didn't talk much, and I watched him from afar for so long. He interested me, there was something mysterious about his appearance. I knew something was pulling him and weighing him down, and I didn't know what or why.

I contemplated walking over there and sitting next to him. But what if he wanted to be alone? What if I was invading his privacy? What if...

I decided against it.

I felt like I did when I first saw him, intrigued. I learned that I should just let the past stay in the past, it wasn't his fault that he had to leave. I guess I was stupid for counting him as a friend then anyway, we rarely talked back then before he left.

His greasy black hair suited him well, his brown eyes were light with a dash of green mixed in them, his teeth were small and made his smile great, but he rarely smiled. And that was his problem. I never see him smile.

I bit my lip so hard it bled, should I go over there? No. Yes.

I sighed and carried my tray to the garbage can, dumping the lunch the school oh so kindly provided. I didn't eat it, hell no, I wanted to live a little longer.

I sat next to Gerard quietly. I didn't look at him yet, I was too busy staring at my hands. I could still taste the blood in my mouth.

"That's bad for you," he whispered, making me look at him in confusion.

"What is?" I asked, I wasn't doing anything, except breathing. Maybe Gerard wanted me to stop breathing.

I watched as Gerard slowly rose a finger up to my face and pulled my bottom lip away from my teeth's grasp. "Biting your lip, its bad for your lips." He put his hand back down to his side.

I licked the blood away from my lips and we both fell back into silence.

You could feel the tension between us, it was awkward and silent. I wanted to say something, but I didn't know what to say.

"Would you like to hang out with me?" Is what came out of my mouth. I felt like punching myself in the face. I sounded desperate and he probably didn't wanna hang out with me anyway.

I was scared of Gerard, he was so unpredictable and I was always on edge around him. I didn't wanna say the wrong thing.

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50 Thoughts That Scare Me, Frank Iero (CancerBoy) -

1. I'm scared of routines.

2. I'm scared of the pills/ drugs.

3. I'm scared of everything- anxiety.

4. I'm scared of myself.

5. I'm scared of hospitals.

6. I'm scared of dying.

7. I'm scared of our financial situation.

8. I'm scared of sharing my thoughts.

9. I'm scared of eating in front of people.

10. I'm scared of Gerard Way, he's unpredictable.