A Song of Faithless Shadows

58. Don't Go Now

Azriel

We don't do much of anything the next day, me only sneaking out once in the cool morning to grab her some breakfast and tell Cassian we wouldn't be in training today. He knew well enough by my expression not to tease me about keeping to her all day.

I was worried she be awake when I got back, she'd be gone, but she hasn't moved from where I disentangled her from me, her face burrowed into my pillow. It bordered suffocation the way she held onto it, and loosely, I wondered if she smelled me on the satin, if I put her to peace in any way.

The trouble is that I wake her up when I get back into bed, though I'm as quiet as I can manage. She was beautiful like this, of course. Grumpy, groaning, rolling into my chest as I settle beside her, latching her body to mine. "You know we live in a magical house," she informs me, eyes hardly open as she runs her nose across my throat, the gesture not dissimilar to how Briar nuzzled me to get comfortable. "You don't have to go to the kitchen for food."

"I know, but I wanted to make sure you had some tea when you woke," I tell her. Black tea, I knew was her favorite. "You're very particular about the ratio of milk, I've noticed."

Her lashes flutter open, grazing my jaw gently before she presses a gentle kiss to my throat, fleeting and fond. My blood warms a few degrees, possibly thawing the frost over my heart as she sits up, taking the heaping mug as I pass it her way. I watch her as she brings the ceramic to her lips, playing with the ends of her hair, letting my knuckles graze her spine through the satin of her nightgown.

"Thank you," she says solidly, really looking at me when she says it.

I grin. "So I suppose that means I got the ratio correct-"

"Not just for the tea," she says. "For being..."

"Here?" I offer.

She shakes her head again, cheeks pink. "No. Not being here, but being... what I need. In every possible moment. I'm not even sure how it is physically managed on your part."

I shrug, reaching up to tuck her hair behind her ear. "Let's just say I'm returning the favor," I tell her. She was everything to me in ways I didn't know everything existed. The center of my universe, I know no star that burns so bright as her.

She swallows, dropping her gaze into her tea. I watch something clouded wash over her, this darkness pulling at the edges of her eyes. "Can I ask what Meryl said to you?" I say to her, hesitant.

"It was all so cryptic," she answers, shivering. She sets down her tea on my nightstand, her scent forcing me to restrain a sigh as she leans over me. "She didn't have much to say. I imagine she must somehow know about... the avalanche and wanted to see me. She looked happy to see me alive."

I nod, running my hand back and forth on her spine, hoping it soothes her the same way it soothes me. I don't pretend to understand Gwyneth and Meryl's relationship, the way the woman chooses to care for my Lightsinger. All I know is that I'm sick of her intervening without explanation. It made Gwyneth unhappy, challenged- and that was the last thing I ever wanted.

"She warned me that the more power I gained, the more people would notice. Warned me that I couldn't hide behind you forever," she says, playing with a spare thread on my pants.

"You have never hid behind me, Gwyneth-"

"I have," she swallows. "I've relied on your power to check mine because I'm so afraid of it, Az. I'm so afraid of what I did last night."

"You didn't mean to," I tell her again. "It's me, Gwyneth, remember? Just me."

She nods, seeming to take some comfort in the sentiment. Just Azriel. That's what I'd be for her if that's what she wanted. "I asked her if she knew where Amren was," she says. "She said she didn't, which I believed well enough."