MISS NOBODY STRIKES BACK

love and forgiveness

"What do I do now? How do I explain to Ivan what he saw earlier? What is wrong with you, Suana? How could you be so stupid?", I said to myself. "I really love Ivan, I can't afford to lose him", I continued. "What do I do now?", I thought, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't bring myself to go home that day, so I rushed to see Ivan at his place. Luckily, I met Ivan outside the gate.

"Ivan, I am sorry," I pleaded as I approached him. "I didn't mean to hurt you that way. I was going to tell you about Dan, but I didn't have the courage to."I cried, "Ivan, please, I am sorry." Ivan turned and went into the house without saying a word to me. I continued to cry, calling out his name, but he didn't bother to come back. I knew I had really hurt Ivan as I sluggishly walked down the road, still crying. It was then that I realized how much I loved Ivan; I was so scared of losing him.

I stayed home for days, not going to school or rehearsals. Dan kept calling, but I didn't pick up any of his calls.I knew that staying home wouldn't solve the problem, but I needed some time to think and be alone. Ivan never called, and neither did I. I knew Ivan was hurt, but I had no excuse. What would I tell him? How could I explain what he saw? And I knew he might understand why I had refused him to drop me off several times; he definitely knew that Dan was the reason. I had been lying to him all this time.

I finally decided on what to do. I called Dan early that day and told him where to meet me at sunset.I sent Ivan a text because I knew he wouldn't pick up my calls even if I had called. I decided to let the cat out of the bag; I couldn't continue to hurt Ivan or secretly date Dan. I just wanted to be happy in a way that no one had to be hurt. I knew it would be a difficult decision to make on whom to be with, but I had to decide for everyone's happiness.

As the sun began to set, I went to the place where I had told Ivan and Dan to meet me.I saw Dan sitting in a corner, and I went to sit with him. Shortly after, Ivan arrived, and they were both surprised to see each other.

"What is this, Suana?" Dan angrily asked.

"Calm down, Dan. I just want us to talk," I replied.

"Talk about what?" he cut in. Meanwhile, Ivan remained silent as we talked with Dan.

"Dan, could you just stop being angry and hear me out, please," I said calmly. "I just want to say I am sorry for lying to you both. I should have told you about Dan.""I'm sorry, Ivan," I said, sobbing. "I didn't mean to hurt you in any way. I just couldn't ignore my feelings for Dan. I love Dan so much that I didn't realize I was hurting you. Dan has always been my first love. I have always wanted to be with Dan since I was younger, and now that Dan came back into my life, I was so happy to accept him back."

Ivan's eyes were already filled with tears as I spoke."But I am sorry, Dan," I continued. "Ivan has been there for me since you left. He made me realize what love was all about. Ivan loved me when no one else did. He supported and comforted me. Ivan accepted me just the way I am and he stood up to his parents just because of me. Not until you came back into my life did I realize how much I loved Ivan.

"But you loved me, Suana," Dan cut in.

"I thought I loved you, Dan, but you abandoned me for no reason. How can I be sure you won't abandon me again?""This is not about you, Dan. You can't just show up and claim you love me again. I know I accepted you, but I shouldn't have," I said regretfully. "I didn't mean to hurt you both. I am sorry that my selfishness has brought us to this point. I am sorry, Dan, but I love Ivan so much, and I can't continue to see you," I said in conclusion.

Ivan slowly stood up and left without saying a word. I sat there crying after Ivan left. Dan left angrily, as he had always been the angry type."What do I do now? Ivan isn't ready to forgive me," I cried while thinking. "Should I go see him?" I suggested to myself. But his father will insult me, and I was sure Ivan must have told them what happened. His family must really hate me by now. I was so confused about what to do that I couldn't go home, so I spent the night out that day drinking.

I woke up and found myself in a bar. I was confused. "How did I end up here?" I asked myself as I realized where I was.As the memories of what happened between Dan and Ivan flashed through my mind, I started crying. I decided to go see Ivan that morning before going home. "I don't care what his parents will say to me. I will prove to them that my love for their son was real," I confidently told myself.

I walked for a while before I got to Ivan's house. I took a deep breath and barged into the house. As usual, I saw his dad outside. "Why is he always outside?" I complained as I walked up to him.I greeted him and asked about Dan. His father seemed surprised at my behavior that day. I was so confident in myself that I didn't even stammer like I usually do.

"Why did you come to see Ivan this early?" he questioned.

"I want to apologize to him," I answered.

"Why?" he questioned again.

"I have hurt Ivan so much, and I need to apologize to him. That's why I came," I explained.

"How can a girl like you hurt my son?" he retorted.

I was quiet for a while before speaking up, "Is it a crime for a girl like me to be in love with Ivan?""Are poor people not human? Do I have to be rich to love your son? Does it matter if I am rich or poor? Shouldn't you, as a father, want someone who genuinely loves your son? Why do you hate me so much?" I started crying as I spoke to Ivan's father.

"I really love your son, sir, and I will never do anything to hurt him. If there is anyone who will love your son, then it is me," I continued. Ivan's father couldn't say a word. I believe he was shocked that I could say something like that.I didn't realize Ivan was standing and staring at me while I was talking to his father all this while. I walked to him as I saw him and held his hands.

"I am sorry, Ivan. I am sorry for hurting you that way. I promise not to hurt you again," I said as tears kept dropping.

Immediately, Ivan hugged me and whispered, "I love you, Suana." We both shed tears as we hugged. Ivan's father then apologized to me for being so rude, and I also apologized for hurting his son and promised him not to ever hurt his son again.From that day, I lived my life loving Ivan with all my heart, promising not to ever make him sad again.