It's been a week since Michael and I found out about our baby's condition. I scheduled an app with the doctor to see the best way to get my baby out of me as painless as possible. I arrived at the app and walked up to the sign in station. I signed in and sat down. I would usually grab one of the mother-to-be magazines but I didn't this time... I got on my phone and checked Twitter. I haven't checked it in a week. I didn't wanna see the comments on my pregnancy. As far as everyone knows right now me beings pregnant is a rumor. Michael avoids the questions when asked about it during interviews. Also the boys have been coming over bringing me cake almost every day. They don't use the cake as sympathy cake but just a cake. They know and they haven't said one word about it. They act as if I'm perfectly ok and I am so glad they don't act weird around me.
"She is pregnant! Look she is getting fatter! And bought pregnancy tests! She is so preggars!" One girl said then someone said back.
"No dip shit she is just fat and a whore." That hurt but I know the truth. All of it.
I got off of Twitter not being able to read anymore stupid ideas about me being pregnant.
The doctor told me he can't take my baby out until I'm 17 weeks if I want their to be better chances of less pain for the baby. I agreed and I realized I'm going to be showing a lot more by then. People will find out and then we'll have to explain and then I'll get hate and sympathy and Michael will be overwhelmed with questions from fans and interviewers.
My phone started buzzing and it was Michael calling me.
"Hey babe. The doctor said if we want the least amount of pain for the baby's birth we need to wait till 17 weeks when it's safer for both of us too." I blurted into the phone.
"Oh. Ok. You'll be showing more by then.."
"I know. Your fans are going to be expecting answers and interviewers too."
"We don't have to tell them anything. They don't even know you're pregnant which is better because then when this is over I I mean we won't get pounded with questions non stop."
" 'when this is over'? The hell is that supposed to mean Michael?" I said angrily Hating the way he spoke of this pregnancy.
"I just meant it will be easier if no one found out we were pregnant in the first place." He said back.
"What if there was nothing wrong with this pregnancy? Would you hide your child and only come see him/her when you can get away from screaming fans? This is our child we are speaking about Michael! 2 weeks ago you said you weren't even going to be there for the birth. You going to even be there when I'm 17 weeks and having our child and watching him/her die in my arms or does that interfere with your career life?" I hung up right after that because I was so pissed. How could he talk like that? About his child? I got home and realized Michael was home too. I made a "ughsjfjwb" sound and walked in.
"Avery can we just talk about that phone call?" He said.
"No. There is nothing to talk about. If you can't make it to watch your child be born then die in a matter of minutes probably then ok I can do it myself. I'll hold our child and explain to him/her why you aren't there. And my explanation will be he is an ass and wouldn't be there even if you weren't dying!" I froze. Why did I just say that. I didn't mean it.
"Michael... I'm so sorry. I didn't. Oh my god I'm sorry." I looked at his face and he was crying.
"You think I don't care about our child? That I wouldn't do anything I could for him/her? That I wouldn't change this situation to where we were having a healthy baby instead of a dying baby? You think I am not dying on the inside to because I am! I am miserable Avery! That's my child! I am the father! I am supposed to protect my child and I can't! I can't change this! And it doesn't help you constantly blaming me for this! You don't say it but I can see in your eyes you blame me! That since I told you I couldn't be there for the birth I cursed our child into dying! I'm sorry! I'm a giant fucking asshole! Happy? Does that make you feel better me admitting I'm a giant asshole?"
"No it doesn't! My child is dying-"
"It's my child too damn it! It's my child too!" I flinched realizing he was right. I was trying to pin all this on him to make me feel better... How could I do that to him? He didn't do this? Neither of us did? Our child was dying not because of us. Because maybe god likes taking things from me or the universe is saying 'fuck you two'.
"Michael I.. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to."
"No you didn't huh? You weren't thinking? Is that it? You always say that Avery! When are you going to learn to think and stop blaming bad luck on the people around you!" He stormed off out of the house.
"Michael!" I screamed crying. I felt a pain in my body. A constant pain that wasn't going away anytime soon.
I sobbed on the floor for an hour. Alone. Holding my stomach.
"I'm sorry baby." I said to my child inside me.
"I'm so sorry mommy can't help you. I'm sorry you are in pain. Im sorry your daddy and I are fighting. We are just upset. We want you to be okay and stay with us forever, we want more time with you. We want to hear you laugh and say your first word. We want to see you mess up in life and help you fix it. We want to see you go to school and grow up. We want to love you. We do love you. We just want you to be able to see that and understand it. Do you understand it? I hope you do."
YOU ARE READING
Unexpected
FanfictionI didn't expect this to happen or that to happen either. So many things have happened that I didn't expect. I lost everything. How do I come back from that? How do we come back from that?