"I ship it!"(Mashton/Cake)

Chapter 35: Suicidal

(Umm, ok now. You may not kill me after reading this chapter. K? Also, trigger warning.)

"I fucked up big time. And there's no time to say  sorry ."

-Demi

Calum's pov

"I'm not gonna give up! Luke is out there somewhere! Possibly, trying to kill himself! So don't tell me to calm down!"

"Calum! Where the hell is yelling gonna get us huh? Abigail is looking all over the school, and Mashton went to his house, and we're searching every block! Please!"

I breathed deeply, and tried hiding my tears. Luke was out there. He needed me. And I wasn't there for him.

"Ana. Luke needs me! I need to help him! I need to be there for him!"

"Calum. You can't fix what's already broken. Look at you. Luke's made you go more insane. When we  get him back ,  your  getting him therapy. Love can't solve everything. That's just facts."

"I almost had him back. I was so close."

"Calum, did it ever occur to you, that you never truly had him back. He just believed he was ok, when in reality, everything was growing worse."

"Man that's deep."

"Deeper than Harry pounding into Lou-"

"Shush."

"Never!"

I managed to smile, as we   continued   to look for him. Where could he be? What was Luke up to?

****

Luke's pov

I sat on the forest floor, gazing at the sky. On my back, alone. I felt like nothing. I was nothing. I was going to be nothing.

Turning onto my side, I inhaled deeply.

Calum.

I would miss him the most.

He actually cared about me, even if he didn't have a chance.

He cared for me. Watched over me.

This isn't his fault.

I'm a selfish motherfucker.

Mashton.

I don't know with them.

Angail.

I don't know either.

What I was doing was already risky.

"I want all this pain to go away. I wish none of this, none of this would have ever happened."

No you don't.

"Fuck you. You're my subconscious. We had a talk already. I'm blocking you out."

See, already going crazy.

I sat up, and pulled off my leather jacket.

"I don't wanna leave this world. Its shit, but not everything is. However, I can't stay much longer. Or I suffer. Why is it always a constant battle! Why!"

I turned over, and screamed, kicked my legs out, and cried. Cried hard, gasping for air. I called for Calum, but he couldn't hear me. No one could.

"Its not fair! Its not fair! I wanna end it all, but at the same time I don't! I am crazy! I'm losing my mind!"

I pulled on the grass, and kept freaking out, until I ran out of energy, and laid down. It was time.

Slowly, I got up, and walked. With each step, it felt like a chain was pulling me back. This wasn't right, but its what I'm doing.