What Makes Them Human - Detroit: Become Human

Chapter Eight - A Quiet Road

The road is mostly empty. It's quiet around here. Vacant. More so than I would've expected. So much to see but not many people, not many buildings or houses. Sky. Trees. Fields. Fences. The road and its gravel shoulders.

I'm following the signs to Detroit. I don't know where we are, but wherever it is it's far.
"I've never seen a barn before," Connor says, I've seen more barns and fences in this past half hour than I've seen in my entire life.
"Where are we?" I ask,
"Deerfield. We'll arrive in Detroit within two hours."

Connor's been staring out the window a lot, like a kid in a candy store. He watches each snow-covered tree as they fly by, snowflakes sticking to the window and the white fences that almost blend into the fresh powder.

There's so much snow I can't see more than fifty feet in any direction, it's like Connor and I are in our own little bubble. The idea is claustrophobic, yet comforting to imagine a world where it's just me and him on a snowy night.

I watch out of the corner of my eye as he reaches over to the radio. He taps on the touch screen, and a song echoes out. It's loud and fast, he changes it to another. The other is slow, I don't know what song this is. He leaves it on the slow one, sitting back in his seat and moving his hand with the music.

"Setting the mood or something?" I ask, flashing him a smile.
"No. I just... I wanted to see what..." he seemed genuinely out of his element when asked such a question, I've never seen an android draw a blank like that.
"I was joking, it's okay."

He seems tense, I get it. I don't know what I can do to make him feel better.
"You okay?" I ask him,
"The AP700 that was with you, what was its name?" Connor completely ignores my question to ask something unrelated,
"...Jessie. His name was Jessie." I wasn't expecting that question. I still haven't really accepted it. I haven't thought of it. I had the dream of him and Connor. But that was it.

He pauses, he wants to ask me something else. I think he's just trying to figure out how to word it correctly,
"How'd he get broken?"
"After we ran away, a couple of protesters broke him into pieces. They were the ones that dislocated my knee." A dark part of me wants to hunt them all down. Kill them each one by one, but the logical part of me makes it clear that's a waste of time. I don't know what would have to happen for me to kill that many people.

"Were you close with him?" Connor asks, he's turned his body to face mine now.
"He was the only person ever there for me. He was like a big brother to me." I would call him a dad, but something about that title seemed off.
"I'm sorry."

Now that he's asked me a personal question, I've been wondering about that cop. He had me cornered, they could've taken me in. Would've gotten praised and rewarded for my capture, but they didn't. Not only did Connor not do it, but the cop helped us escape.
"That cop you were with, why'd he help you escape?"
"I don't know."

Does this count as a road trip? I think it does. I can't remember the last time I went on a road trip, I'm not sure I ever have. Shit I've never been out of Detroit before, this is entirely new to me. If my mom and dad went somewhere I stayed home, one time they went to Hawaii for three days. I was twelve and they left me home alone.

I go back and forth on the idea of kids. Not just the logistics of getting a child while being gay, but the emotional aspects. I do want to raise a kid, so everything for them my parents didn't for me. But then again, why would I want to bring another person into this fucked up world?

I could adopt, that's what most gay people do. But I don't know if I'll ever have the money for that.

Connor. What's gonna happen with him? We have a thing going between us. I like him a lot and I think he likes me, but where is it going to get us? Are we gonna be all poetic and shit and raise a kid together then die old? Will Connor ever die? Androids have been around for only twenty or so years. Much less a lifetime.

When I'm eighty, will he still be with me? Will he have changed or will he look the same? Would he even want to be with me if I get old? Is he gonna die when I'm still young? Do androids just cease to work after a long enough time period?

I don't know why I'm thinking of building a life with him. We kissed once, I think sex is the next hill I need to worry about instead of raising a kid with him.

He explained to me that he can have sex, and he can feel a form of pleasure. I'm curious to see what that looks like. Would he be awkward and sweet, or confident and harsh? Would he make noises? Come to think of it I hear him breathing. Why is he breathing? Does he have lungs?

"Are you breathing?" I ask him somewhat rudely,
"Sort of, I have fans in my chest that keep me from overheating. The ventilation comes up through my mouth."
"So theoretically, you can be suffocated?"
"It'd take a long period, and a lot of stress for the overheat to cause a shutdown," Connor says these things with such blunt honesty I don't know if he's upset with me or not. He could be happy I asked, or angry. I have no clue.

He sits back down properly, looking out the window once more and observing. Even though this car drives itself, I always like to have my eyes on the road when I can. So looking over to Connor is against my code so to speak. Each android is modeled after a real person, I know that. I have no idea who the man was but he was a perfect outline.

I want to touch him, not just in a sexual way—although I want that too, more in a simple way. I just want to know how he'd respond to my touch, whether or not he'd want me to touch him. I wonder if Connor's ever ogled me, I doubt it. Although I hope he has, I'm not sure why.

He shifts a bit, his blazer lifts and I see just a sliver of his lower back. I feel like a creep, but I can't help it.
"What's on your mind?" I ask him, trying to take my mind off his figure.
"How do you know when you're in love?" I almost scoff, there's no way he asked me that. No way he's thinking of love, does he think he loves me? Who else could he be talking about? Shit shit shit shit shit.

"Uh... Well, love is when you. Shit. Love is when you're willing to do anything for someone." That's what I've always thought. I've only ever really felt this for Jessie. And as the time goes on, I think I love Connor too. I've fallen for him quickly, so fast I've about given myself whiplash. I'm sure this says something about me mentally.

Suddenly he turns around, looking at me with those eyes I could get lost in for hours. I'm not given a chance to speak before he swoops in with a kiss. He wraps a hand around my neck, pulling me closer like he's been wanting this for years. It's when he inches down to grope me that I pause,
"Wait, let's find a motel or something before we go too far." He smiles at me, but his eye brows are visibly disappointed.

"Car, where's the nearest motel?" I ask the vehicle,
"The nearest motel is within five miles."
"Looks like we're taking the night off."