Eddsworld Carrie AU

Prologue

Laurel White rolled in the bloody duvet on her bed, groaning in pain and gasping for air every few seconds.
She trembled and sobbed, crying out for God, Jesus, Gabriel, and just about any other holy figure who would listen to her screech.
She thrashed and clawed at the sheets like a mad woman while her husband, Eduardo, watched on in contemptuous horror, clutching his little iron crucifix in his hand tighter and tighter with each new groan of pain from his wife.
The source of her pain was quite obvious, to the point any moron with half a brain could tell you what was wrong with her just by watching her roll around.
Laurel was simply caught in the midst of having a baby, but to the fanatically religious couple such a thought never seemed to enter their minds.

Until this moment, both of them had been wholeheartedly convinced she was sick and all her symptoms were the result of some type of cancer that had rooted itself in her body, either cervical or worse.
As far as Eduardo and Laurel were concerned she was getting ready to leave both her husband and earthly body behind to go meet her maker in heaven, and for the most part they were fine with it. However, as the hours began to tick by, Eduardo was beginning to suspect differently, until eventually he was certain there was no cancer at all.
Whatever was happening to his wife was something much more horrific, so horrific it made Eduardo cower behind his crucifix for protection.

She tossed and turned wildly, screaming out every expletive under the sun, save for the accursed god damn that she and her husband despised so much.
The agony continued, shrill high pitched shrieking flooding the house all throughout the night, only to be ignored by the couple's annoyed and spiteful neighbors who didn't know what was happening, nor cared to find out or even call an ambulance.
After many more hours of screams, the house fell silent once again, and their neighbors all let out a deep sigh of relief as the damn bitch finally keeled over and shut up.
After a long stretch of silence a brand new array of screams came from the house as it was overrun with an even louder and higher pitched whining than any of the screams that preceded it.

None of the crying was coming from her this time, but instead, the unnamed baby she had just unknowingly delivered.
Laurel couldn't even muster the strength to raise up and look at the culmination of her hard work, the pain slowly shrinking back down into a pleasant numbness, bringing a smile to her face as she rested her head against the fluffy white pillows surrounding her.
Eduardo however, was much less content with it, furrowing his brow and slamming his cross down on the beside table in a horrified rage.
He yanked open the drawer and quickly searched for his sewing scissors, clutching them and raising them defensively like the baby could strike and kill him at any moment.
To Eduardo at least, the baby was a grotesque sight, still attached to its mother via umbilical cord and still covered in the remnants of the womb.

It seemed to be male, judging from the ungodly phallic appendage on its lower half, but Eduardo didn't much care for it either way.
It waved its arms around furiously, crying so much without any real purpose. "Evil." Eduardo said to himself. "Evil." he reiterated, much more bitter and vile than the last time, like he was confirming his own twisted and disgusting thoughts.
He slowly approached the screaming babe, scissors still clutched in his right hand like a deadly dagger.
"Kill it, kill it right now." Eduardo's thoughts commanded, knowing that if this thing were to exist any longer, they'd surely all be headed down the path to damnation soon.
With a shaky hand he raised the scissors high above his head, like an eagle flying high before descending upon its prey, but before he could bring it all the way back down Laurel steered his hand away. Something had compelled her to rise in her delirious state and halt the madman's attempted infanticide, picking up the baby and nursing it to stop its cries.

She wasn't mad, not even a little bit, she was actually pretty understanding, but she still would not let her husband lay a finger on him, at least not yet.
Eduardo stared blankly, unsure of what to do next. He looked closer at the suddenly calm, suckling infant that was now being wrapped in a pillow case due to their lack of a baby's blanket.
Without any words or explanation, Eduardo felt himself start to gradually let go and leave his better judgments behind him to calmly stare into the baby's eyes.
They were beady and black, the kind of eyes you'd see on a cow or chicken but not on a person, and they carried all the inhumanity and naivete you'd expect from those animals.
This had to have been the work of something evil, there was no doubt in Eduardo's mind about it.
He could not have made a child and neither could Laurel, they had vowed to each other a chaste life, with nothing but the occasional kiss or prayer to fill their intimate needs, as they both found intercourse to be a sin.
and yet, here it was, a newborn baby, and Eduardo couldn't even muster the strength to execute it.

He grabbed the little bawling thing from his mother and swaddled him up tightly, almost too tightly.
He should have dropped it, or chucked it out the window, or shoved it in the oven, or left it alone in the bathtub, but he didn't. Eduardo just smiled at it instead as a sudden fondness for the bouncing baby boy grew inside him.
Perhaps, maybe, just this once, the lord could let him be a little bit selfish, and let him hold this little devil close to him and into his heart.
The very next day Eduardo would stop by the courthouse and bring home a brand new blank birth certificate for them to fill out.
He had sat up very late the night prior to think of what would be the best name for their child, never once consulting Laurel on what she thought would be best for him.

He believed whatever name his son was meant to have, God would go on and tell him through a divine dream, and according to Eduardo that was exactly what happened.
The lord came to him in a dream that very night and told him to name the baby after Eduardo's most favorite bible passage, John 3:19.
He woke up in a cold sweat the second after he said it, put on his slippers and rushed to fetch the birth certificate so he could write it down before he forgot. The baby's cries were still far too loud though, loud enough to make him lose focus, loud enough to make the house shake, and bizarrely, even loud enough to make the lights flicker and buzz.
With a highly distracted mind and an unsteady pen, Eduardo scribbled down the name with great haste, leaving out the H on accident.
This disgusted Eduardo, but he was unable to bring himself to correct his mistake afterwards since he saw such moments like this as miracles and divine requests. God makes no mistakes after all, and neither do his deserving followers.
So if he left the H out of his name, then by God, he was never meant to have it in the first place.
The baby's name was Jon now, a fittingly plain and simple name for a plain and simple person, Jon, however, would later grow up to prove he was anything but, and the flickering lights were only the beginning...