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it wasn't the same anymore, nothing really was.

the brown haired man sat by the balcony of the office, staring down at the cars speeding by. the city lights twinkled and sparkled as they lit up the dark night. he took another puff of his cigarette, exhaling slowly when he released the smoke from his mouth. the floor length transparent windows provided the breathtaking view of seoul and the man smiled slightly enjoying the sight.

it was no lie that christopher bang was tired, overworked and close to his breaking edge. his gaunt eyes hid stories of sleepless nights, tiring work schedules and slight sadness. it wasn't easy, being the leader.

he closed his eyes and relaxed when he felt the cool breeze of the air conditioner. chan rarely got time for himself, as he always busy with either work or the problems of the members. he loved each, every single one them; which was was why he pushed himself way too hard every single time. you could say that they were both a blessing and a curse. the male sighed and let himself get lost in his thoughts.

the eldest of the team had announced his resignation and left them. chan remembered the look woojin had given him, 4 years ago when chan had asked him why. a mirthful yet sad look. the sympathy in his only hyung's eyes was something chan could never forget. he hated that look..
his members helped. they helped so much. every day, chan felt more and more indebted to them. how could they help him? why would they? it wasn't right. the thought didn't sit well with chan, taking a toll on him; more and more.

so he rarely talked after that. the once open, free and goofy person who was now a mere shell of himself; kept alive by the thought of not letting his little brothers down. day by day the members of stray kids noticed their leader fall back into his old habits, the ones woojin prevented when he was still there. to say they were concerned was a understatement.

it wasn't healthy, of course not. that's why they finally decided to interrogate chan, one summer's night. he wasn't prepared; his headphones being yanked off by lee know at four in the morning. chan sighed. he thought back to how they sat him down on the bed and jeongin had looked him in the eyes, two orbs of dark brown meeting his considerably lighter ones. at that moment, chan felt weak.

this was the most vulnerable he had ever felt. so when he was asked that one question, those three words. he couldn't hold back.
"hyung, are you okay?"

that night was a sad one. chan had cried, he had felt his eyes get puffy and irritated. he had seen the members looks, their concerned faces. and he had hated it. the pity, the sympathy he wanted none of it. all he ever wanted was, was to be okay. to be okay enough to handle himself, and his work, and his members. nothing else. only the power to be okay. to be okay..

chan widened his eyes as the felt the multiple vibrations coming from his pocket. pulling out his phone, he realised that he had been there for around 5 hours. it was okay time never mattered. however, what really mattered at this moment was the fact that the members was spamming the group chat with messages; debating on what today's dinner should be. the ideas were creative, ranging from a simple sushi to an extravagant 5 course meal at their favourite restaurant located in the city. the brown haired man let a soft smile grace his features. there was no point in being sad or feeling down about things. he had made up his mind a long time ago and not a day went by when he regretted it.

this was his reason; his reason to live, to exist to work. the members held a special place in his heart and he was never going to leave them and let them feel the same pain they had felt during woojin's departure. never.

taking a deep breath, chan steadied himself as he called a taxi to take him back home. he had already decided the menu for the night, they were going to order some chinese food and minho was going to make some rice and salad as only takeout was 'too oily' and 'unhealthy'.
the bright city passed him as the tall buildings towered over every car and person. the night scene in seoul never failed to make chan feel better, the whole atmosphere made him feel like home. maybe this was home. it could be.

in the sky that was lit up by the bright lights, the small star served as a reminder. every small contribution, every small made would count; it would all be alright at the end. just like the star that never disappeared, however bright the lights were.

the leader of stray kids sat at the back of a taxi heading home as he tore his gaze away from the window, pausing to read his members messages, smiling when he knew he had found the answers to his questions.

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haha first chapter
-thoughts?-
i feel this is more one shot quality than chapter 💀
okay today's question-
-why do you think woojin left?-
see y'all next chapter!