𝓣𝓱𝓮 𝓢𝓽𝓸𝓻𝔂 𝓞𝓯 𝓤𝓼

15 | The End Of The Fairytale

The alley was light enough to see, though if there were an army of grull demons right behind me I probably wouldn't have even noticed.

His hands were in my hair, lips on mine the two of us kissing like there would be no tomorrow.

And who knew, maybe there wouldn't be.

It was wrong.

It was so so wrong.

He was a vampire and I wasn't and... God! it was all just so messed up.

But I couldn't fight the sparks.

I couldn't fight what was there between the two of us; the most unlikely pair since Buffy and Angel.

I wanted to want to escape.

I wanted to hate it.

I wanted to hate him.

But here's the thing...I didn't.

I didn't hate him.

I hated the way he made me feel.

Dizzy.

Paralysed.

Out of control.

In love.

"Stop," I whispered, tears on my cheeks.

He looked down at me, rare concern in his eyes.

"Why?"

"Don't you get it? Don't you care?" I asked, stepping backwards.

 Emiel stared back at me, confused.

"What?"

I sighed heavily, slumping against the cold brick of the alleyway's wall.

I didn't know what to say.

26 letters in the alphabet.

26 letters out of the millions and millions of people who speak our language.

And they can break hearts.

Break people.

They can bring so much hope and then tear it all back down. So isn't it scary when you don't know what to say?

How have so few of us cracked under the pressure of words and their everlasting power?

Or are we all slowly breaking, but not letting anybody else see?

"I want you," I whispered, leaning into him again and he smiled softly. "I want you so bad,"

"Then have me," Emiel replied simply.

A sob escaped my tightly pressed lips and I turned away for a second.

"I can't,"

He sighed.

"Why? Because I'm a vampire?"

"Yes! No! I don't know! That's the thing, Emiel. I don't know. But I do know that it's wrong. And I don't care how good it tastes,"         

"Define wrong," he whispered.

I paused for a moment, my hands shaking as much as my voice.

"Us," I whispered back.

He looked me up and down and I swear there was a note of longing in his dark eyes.

"Fine," Emiel murmured before turning away.

Guilt surged through me as I watched him walk.

"Emiel!" I called but he didn't turn again.

"Its Kingsley,"

And that, dear reader, was the end of the fairytale. 

...

His eyes bore into my brain like twin daggers, glaring at me from wherever I went.

Watching.

Staring.

Torturing.

Because God, I wanted him.

I needed him.

It was as if all the oxygen in the world wasn't enough. I needed him to breathe.

To live.

But I couldn't have him.

We were enemies again.

Rivals.

But this time it made me sick to my stomach.

Because how do you hate somebody you don't hate?

"Lily," Angel spoke interrupting my miserable thoughts. 

"Did you find the demons?" I asked, faking interest. He shook his head.

"Not yet. Wesley and Cordelia are still looking," he spoke, glancing at the now-dawn coloured sky.

"Oh," I replied, looking away.

"Where's Emiel?" Angel asked and I flinched slightly at the sound of his name.

Because I couldn't even call him that anymore.

He wasn't mine.

So, we were Kingsley and Carpenter again.

This time without the smirks.

And apparently he was missing.

"He left. Earlier in the alley," I said emotionlessly, and Angel frowned.

"He just left?"

I nodded slowly, still not meeting his gaze.

"Lily, you can tell me if there's something going on," he said and I wiped tears from the corner of my eyes with an aggressive swipe.

"There's nothing to tell. Not anymore," I hissed, before turning to leave the building.

Maybe I needed to run away too.

Maybe I needed to escape.

If he could, I could right?

"Lily!" Angel called but like Kingsley, I didn't turn. 

"Where's she going?" I heard Cordelia ask.

I didn't know.

I didn't know anything anymore.

There was no difference between love and hate. 

No difference between life and death.

And, as the first hint of sun dotted the horizon, there was no difference between day and night.

Everything was the same.

So why did it feel so different? 

(A/N: ahhhhhh- im sorryyyyy- things are gonna get better, you just have to wait and see i promise. To quote one of my fave wattpad authors again, 'expect the unexpected my loves'. Stay safe and totally tubular and i'll see you in the next one! xx)