ODYSSEY-The Journey Ahead

DEDICATION

Dearest Reader,

I am sorry but I cannot continue with the story. If you wish to stop reading here, it's completely alright but I wish to leave a small piece of my devastated heart here  as I bid adieu to the story. 

I was 5 years old when I saw my sister hold a violin in her hands whilst Arvind sir sat down teaching her the instrument with a smile etched on his face. 

It is a fuzzy memory but I do have blurred recollection of him asking me if I too wished to learn the instrument when I would start my 1st grade and as all younger siblings, following in the footstep of their elder ones, I agreed. 

Cut to the next year, on our usual Sunday violin lesson, I remember Arvind sir teaching Didi some tune whilst I was playing around randomly something on the instrument, but somehow note by note the very primary tune of Twinkle-Twinkle tuned out of my violin, and Sir's words of appreciation to a 6 year old me are etched into my brain. 

Arvind Sir had a peculiar way of teaching music to his students. It was never the guru-shishya way, not that I am disrespecting it, but he just taught differently. I am being very honest when I say that 11 years ago when I started learning the instrument, I was NEVER taught the basics of the instrument. I mean now after so many years, I can differentiate the different styles of violin and everything but when I started off, Sir always let us ourselves explore the instrument, familiarise ourselves with the strings and bow, and learn to connect with the instrument. 

I guess it was really his style which made me fall in love with the instrument, because I cannot imagine myself playing violin even today, had my initial lessons been of something like Raag Bhairav, bagheshri etc. Today I love playing the Raags but the sole reason behind it, is that my introduction to music was through lively jingles, old Kishore Kumar songs, old hindi film songs. 

Even today, whenever I listen to Barfi's "Itti si hassi, itti si khushi, itta sa tukda chaand ka" my mind directly goes to Sir and his laughter whilst he along with Didi and myself had years back tried to learn the lyrics and play it on violin.

I think I should mention now, Arvind Sir passed away yesterday morning after a long, painful battle with Cancer. I feel pained, I am devastated, and my heart cries each time I think of him. 

It was 2019 summers, one day, when most students had taken to bunking the violin class and it were only Arvind Sir and myself in the class, I had asked him, why had he been so often absent from school. To which he had revealed to me that he had been diagnosed with Cancer. I remember we had a moment of silence between us, I simply stood up and left the class, rushed my way to the washroom and cried. I remember coming back home, telling my mother, and the tears hadn't stopped. There had been near to none Violin classes in 2019. But One Saturday, after the morning assembly, in which I had received a medel, I happily went to show it to Arvind Sir in hopes he had showed up, since right after Assembly we had our instrument class, but when I looked inside the class I saw another man, And my heart sank. It wasn't difficult for me to understand that it was the new teacher. The resentment I had felt for him that day was one I never overcame not even till a few months back when he had left the school. 

The new teacher, he wasn't bad, but He never became my Guru, I only will ever have one guru. Sir would come to school once in a while when I would tell him how desperately I wanted this new teacher to go away, and he would just laugh at it. 

Now, It should be mentioned here that one other reason of the bond I shared with Arvind Sir was also that we had a fair Share of Arguments. Yaa arguing with your teacher? Shocking. I know. Reason behind most of them was my low confidence in my self, and his belief in me. I have never been confident in whatever I do. And you'd think it is out of stage fright or something but it really isn't because I have been performing on stage all my life. Arvind sir always felt I was great with violin however I never could convince myself, this would often lead to us having a debate, if you will. His belief is what really stopped in the past days. 

I had known of Arvind Sir'a further deteriorating health for the past couple of months. I would always tell Papa to call him and ask of his health, which he would do, and tell me what all he told. Papa would always ask me to myself speak to him but I don't know what exactly was the reason but I never could convince myself to do so. Fear. But what was the point of the fear when today that fear has become a reality. Since before Holi, I had somehow convinced myself that I will go meet him in a few days. Even on the day of Holi, I had told Maa that after my exam which will be in a weeks time, I will go and meet him. But something in me, kept telling me that maybe it would be too late, but I convinced myself It won't. 

Sir passed away. No tears will ever be enough. No level of remorse will ever mend my heart. 

But now All I wish is that May God give him place in his abode, in his protection. Arvind sir suffered enough in the past 5 years I beg to god that he is at peace today. And to his family, who I have known for so long, my heart pains for them. Please may god have mercy on their pain, and may he bring light into their world. 

After the painful day yesterday, I decided maybe penning a few words down of this story would bring me some peace, but really the sombre and painful nature of the story made me want to delete every word of it. Which is why I cannot convince myself to continue it. Maybe someday, when I grow up, I will know how to deal with such pain, but today I know nothing, I only know this world lost a happy jubliant man. And I lost my Guru. 

Arvind Sir, Forgive me for my mistakes, I can only wish you are in a happier, safer place, with a violin adorning your hand and heart.

Your Student