A race to your heart (Zarry AU)

24.- Desire 🏁

Zayn's POV

I was feeling out of sorts. I texted Nicky to let her know I was safe and sound with my friend. I feel terrible for lying to her. She is a wonderful person and she doesn't deserve to be cheated on like this.

I tried to distract myself from those thoughts with some work, so I replied to some e-mails that my manager sent me for review after I took a shower to try to relax a bit, but it didn't work. Even though I was with Harry, I was a fucking mess.

"You shouldn't be here," part of my mind was repeating. My thoughts were consumed by what I'd just done to my fiancée and why I ditched her. My desire for Harry blinded me in that moment and I just wanted to be with him. I couldn't imagine losing him again.

I was being a selfish bastard again, I know, but I couldn't help it. I love him so much, I want him so much. And after my decision that evening, I was immersed in a sea of indecision and that was causing me a lot of tension. I've been having random anxiety attacks, again, but the shrink that I called a couple of times now, told me that most likely was a consequence of losing control over my personal life.

I watched Harry asleep, admired, was the right word. He was so beautiful, even in his slumber state. His features were perfect for his complexion, his long silky curls framing them and, those lips, those perfect lips. My heaven and hell, are so sweet and bitter at times.

I have been thinking about not being with him again and having a peaceful life with Nicky but I know that will haunt me with a lot of "what ifs", even though, I cursed him a thousand times when he broke my heart months ago. Harry was the one who came back to me and he has accepted me with all of the commitments I have in my life, that must mean something.

I've been sitting on his living room couch for a couple of hours, with my head between my hands trying to figure out a better way to handle this whole situation. I can't ditch everything every time that he throws a tantrum over our relationship but I can't deny him anything. I'll be damned if I do that to him, to me. And I have to make a decision, sooner or later and that was giving me more anxiety.

I stared out the window of his room, watching the stars blur past, feeling the weight of my decision pressing down on me. I had just left Nicky at the airport, watching her shocked but understanding expression as I told her I needed to be somewhere else, with someone else. I don't deserve her.

"Somewhere else." The euphemism felt like a slap in the face. She knew where I was going—who I was going to. The look in her eyes, a mix of disguised hurt and understanding, haunted me, but I couldn't shake the pull I felt towards Harry. Not after hearing his voice crack on the phone, his words slurred with anger and hurt, telling me he couldn't take it anymore. Telling me he needed me.

I had spent the past few weeks in a constant state of conflict, torn between the safety of my relationship with Nicky and the chaotic, passionate connection I shared with Harry. But in that moment, when Harry's voice trembled with emotion, all my walls crumbled. I couldn't bear the thought of him hurting, not again, not because of me.

I needed to be with him.

The suite was dimly lit, the only light coming from the city outside, casting long shadows across the floor. It was quiet, the kind of silence that felt heavy like it was waiting for something to break it.

"I thought it was a dream," Harry said with a hoarse voice taking me out of my thoughts and breaking the quietness.

"You're up, babe. It's past midnight," I said looking at his perfect body. He was wearing only his black underwear and God he was sexy as hell.

"I'm still a little drowsy though," Harry said softly as he approached and straddled me. I immediately put my hands on his hips pulling him closer to me.