𝐈𝐥𝐥-𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝 ✔️

42

A D O N I S

To the world, I am a monster. And that doesn't bother me. I didn't care what anybody thought of me besides her - besides the girl I love - besides the girl I'm cursed to kill over and over again. The voices have been getting louder lately. More angry. Every time I resisted the urge they grew stronger. 

It worried me. What I may be capable of.

Never in my right mind would I hurt her. But I do not have a right mind. My mind is cursed with insanity and I worry about if I cannot fight it one day. 

The only person I did not want to be a monster to I am cursed to kill.

What made it worse was that I had nobody to blame. Yes, The Lord cursed me to be this way, but it was me who was my own biggest enemy. I was going to destroy everything because of myself.

That's why I returned to Hell in the middle of the night. No mind control, it was just me. I killed more demons. Nearly all of them. And I also did something that was necessary. 

She seems so peaceful. I sit on the porch watching her paint. I smoke a cigarette, I take long inhales, I want to feel my lungs getting damaged. She smiles while she paints, her braid falling down her back. She deserved better than this. Better than me. I knew how she always wanted a simple life. A humane one. I doubted if I could give her that when the voices in my head are telling me to kill her right now.

"Kill her," they say. "She will destroy your life. Kill her."

I shut my eyes tightly and wait for the voices to die out. They've been lasting longer lately. I'm forced to listen to the whispers for longer than usual, but finally, they stop. I toss my cigarette onto the ground and stand up.

She looks over her shoulder at me as I walk closer to her. The sun hits her and makes her brown eyes look so light. The more time she has spent in the sun, the more freckles have appeared on her nose. 

"Do you like it?" she asks me as I reach her. I look at her painting of a place in Asia we had been so long ago, where I had told her I would marry her someday for the first time.

"I kept my word," I say. "And I will again. We will be married again someday, Valeria, I promise you that."

"If I say yes," she says with a fake attitude, but it drops once I press my lips on hers.

My lips move with her soft ones as we kiss in the meadow. My hand is on her hip, but I move it up, her skin feels so soft. My hand only stops once it reaches her neck, I wrap my hand around it softly while kissing her.

"Adonis, that's a bit tight," Valeria laughs while stopping the kiss for a moment and putting her hand around my wrist.

But I do not hear her. My grip turns tighter as I look down at her. I black out - I can't control what I'm doing - her eyes widen as my grip gets even tighter and she tries to pull at my wrist with her hands. 

"Adonis, Adonis stop," she struggles to say. "You're hurting me."

But I don't control my actions. I keep squeezing. It causes her more and more pain as she tries to get my hand off her throat. 

But then I blink. I blink and my consciousness is back, I realize what I'm doing, and I remove my hand instantly. She begins rubbing the irritated area on her neck and I look down at her. I instantly tell her, "I'm sorry, Valeria, they took over for a moment."