What Could Have Been

The Loveseat

  If I could, in some way, anticipate the great spiral my life would take- if I could know before it ever happened, made different decisions, choose different path... I don't know if I would. I probably wouldn't have done anything differently. If I looked back, saw myself sitting on that tiny loveseat in Elizabeth's room, reading my books without a true care in the world, I don't know what I'd tell her. There is danger everywhere. If you have to choose, between your brother and the man you love, choose love; William will catch up eventually. The sea is a choice, and to choose her is a most wonderful thing indeed.

The loveseat was wonderfully comfortable that morning. The way it sunk near the back cushion from years of my sitting in it, the yellow rose embroidery starting to fade in the Caribbean heat. I snuck into her room while Elizabeth was dressing, something about James Norrington's promotion. I wouldn't be attending, not unless Lizzy dragged me there, which she would, of course. She was my closest friend, and while she was of a different standing than I, we did not let that drive a wedge between us. Where she went I went too, there was rarely a time where we were not together.

The pages were worn as I flipped through the rather thick novel in my hands, the letters faded, and my mind was buzzing with stories of pirates and gold. Not that I needed such things in my life, no, I am content leaving those in the pages.

"Mimi, please, you must go with me, I can't imagine anything should happen if you are there." Lizzy pleaded for what felt like the 8th time. She leaned out from behind the divider, her shoulders bare as her handmaids tightened the cinch's of her corset, lace by lace until she was wheezing.

"You only want me there so the soon to be Commodore does not approach you. You know you'll have to face him eventually; my brother is stupid enough to wait till his deathbed to start a conversation of any real substance." I sighed, bending down to place my book on the floor by the foot of the seat. I stood, shaking my head a bit before stepping back to look at Lizzy's full outfit. Simple, cute, a new age bodice with frills and pink undertones. Very nice. "I'm not going, I don't have a dress and your father would never approve." Her mouth formed a straight line and she nodded, clearly unhappy with the situation but understanding all the same.

"I'd just hate for you to be alone today." She took my hands in hers, gently holding them as some form of reassurance. I knew what she meant. While Will was busy in the shop, I had very little to do. It left me a great deal of time alone with my thoughts and that only ever meant trouble. I sighed, shaking my head at the floor before meeting her eyes. Damn Elizabeth Swann and her ability to persuade.

"Fine, I'll go, but only if your father says I can." She smiled so brightly; I understood why Will loved her so much. As we walked, or while I walked, Lizzy waddled a bit, we heard the Governor downstairs, talking to my brother. Will was dropping off a blade for Norrington's promotional ceremony.

"How is it that neither of you utters any words while in each other's presence? At least, not awkward ones." I whispered idly, already knowing her answer. My dear brother was standing at the foot of the stairs dumbfounded, holding Elizabeth's eyes as they both just gawked at each other.

"Ah, Elizabeth, you look absolutely stunning." Her father speaks up from the foyer. He was always a kind man, proper in today's society. I see Elizabeth's delight to see Will and find myself suddenly bored. They do the same song and dance every time they see each other.

"Will! It's so good to see you! I had a dream about you last night." My head snapped towards her, eyes wide at the implication. So much for the same song and dance. Will was equally stunned, and her father began huffing about how improper it was to say such a thing, but Lizzy paid no mind. "About the day we met. Do you remember?"

"How could I forget, Miss Swann?" Yes, how could WE forget. I was with our mother in England when we got word of Will's ship being sunk. My mother said that two weeks before we got word of Will's ship I fell asleep that night and didn't wake up for a day. She said that when I finally came to, I couldn't stop gasping and screaming about drowning. Another 2 weeks on a passenger ship, filled with my mother's sea sickness and terrible, heartbroken cries led us to Port Royal, where my brother had been rescued and taken ashore. We stayed there until our mother passed due to a fever and we've stayed ever since.

"Will, how many times must I ask you to call me 'Elizabeth'?" She grinned.

"At least once more, Miss Swann, as always." I genuinely can't tell if this is how normal people talk or if this is some form of flirting. Elizabeth's smile drops, her eyes losing their light. She was starving for some inkling that Will liked her as much as she liked him, but so far he was making things very difficult.

"There, see, at least the boy has a sense of propriety. Now, we really must be going." Her father began shuffling everyone out of the double doors. Lizzy turned one last time to catch Will's eye.

"Good day, Mr. Turner."

"Good day.....Elizabeth." He stared after her. I came to stand by my brother, glancing between the two as she climbed inside the carriage.

"That was painful."

"Quiet."

"Oh, Father! I almost forgot, could Amira please join me? Please, she would be such great company and we could attend the celebrations after the ceremony together." She was standing on the top step to enter the carriage, her father standing to the side to help her inside.

"Yes, I think that would be fine my dear, but we must leave now." He looked to me and gave a polite smile and I nodded.

"Will, I'll meet you at the shop later, yes?" He nodded without taking his eyes off Elizabeth and I shook my head. He's impossible.

-

The day was hot and dry, and the wind couldn't seem to save any of us under the blinding sun. Lizzy was fanning herself like a woman gone mad as we stood watching Norrington strut down the aisle of soldiers, the drums playing rhythmic and ominous.

I hadn't yet told Lizzy this, but I had overheard Norrington and Governor Swann conversing about Norrington proposing to her today. What could I say, to Lizzy, to Will, to anyone? If he proposed today, before my brother gathered the gaul to tell Lizzy how he felt, Elizabeth would most definitely say yes, if only to make her father happy and secure her prospects. I would watch her marry a man she did not love and, while he would treat her well and give her a good life, she would wither away and I would only be able to watch.

I stood with her for the whole of the ceremony, silently trying to navigate between what I had learned and what I already knew. Elizabeth was having more and more trouble breathing as time went on, and as soon as the ceremony was well and truly over, I tugged her towards the pillars lining the parapets, trying to locate some shade. While my goal was to aid Elizabeth, I may have also been her undoing, because in our escape Norrington followed us.

"Ladies, might I steal Miss Swann away for a moment? There is an urgent matter I must inform her of." He smiled forcefully with a glint in his eyes. I didn't hate Norrington, he just never held my brother or I in any high regard, so I held him the same. I looked at Lizzy for a moment, catching the look of confusion and worry before smiling with forced politeness at Norrington. Elizabeth didn't want me to leave, obviously, but she nodded all the same.

"Of course! Lizzy, I will actually head down to the docks, come down when you are done so we can talk some more, yes?" I was trying to be polite. Lizzy nodded and I walked off. I know I said I was going down to the docks, but the truth was I had no idea where I was going. Only that I was deep in thought over the lives of my two closest companions and the sound of the water felt better than the sound of conversing aristocrats right now.

The air was thick with salt, and the lapping of the waves pulled me back from my thoughts. I was standing at the end of the longest dock, far from any ship or person, completely alone. My best friend was about to be engaged to a Commodore, her rank secure, her life made easy and content. I was still living with my brother and a drunken old man who mooched off of my brother's skills. I would stay here until I died, like my mother, and maybe I would find someone who thought kindly of me, and I would marry. But in truth, I don't think Elizabeth or I will ever be happy. Not really, really happy. We will always be secure, at ease and content.

There was a loud splash and someone screaming Elizabeth's name.

~~~~

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