I Can't Get the Vampire Rogue to Romance Me

Chapter 14 - What Condition is Your Condition In?

"Just tell me if you have a condition or not!" Sigismund chided as she held her hands out over the burn marks on the surface of Artmond's jerkin. He had been sucking at his breath since getting hit full force with the fire bolt, and even though Evangeline knew the magic would take care of the damage, it made her anxious to watch Artmond's face go pale. Like he really could die or something.

"What does it matter? Just heal him already?" Valerian snapped, aggravated by Artmond's whimpers.

Sigismund growled. "If I heal him but don't fix the condition, he'll just bleed out hit points and then keel over when it is most inconvenient!"

"None! It says 'none,'" Artmond breathed out, flicking his hand into the air before himself while Hagor supported him from behind.

Evangeline stood by the side unsure of what to do to even help the situation.

"There! Now, I suggest you make haste before his caterwauling summons something nasty and hungry," Valerian sneered, folding his arms across his chest. Then he glanced over at Evangeline. "Is there something nasty and hungry ahead?"

"Uh," she hesitated before shaking her head. "No, no. Nothing like that."

"Oh? And what is it like, my little roguish prophetess?" He chucked a finger under her chin, sending chills skittering down her spine and arms. Valerian smirked, knowing exactly what his little unexpected gesture had done. He was like a cat playing with a mouse trapped on a string.

"Regeneris!" Sigismund said with a breath, her voice thrumming with power. Light emerged from her hands, washing over Artmond's chest. Immediately, he took a deep breath in, the desperate gasping easing.

"Oh good, the little nobleman's son is going to live," Valerian said.

Sigismund's gaze snapped to Valerian. "How did you know?"

"Well, darling, what else could he be? And, in fact, I didn't know, so thank you for confirming that for me." His wicked grin slid across his face again.

Sigismund shot him a not literally incinerating look, then offered her hand to Artmond, helping him to his feet, with Hagor supporting him behind.

"I'm sorry, everyone," Artmond said, patting his chest once he stood. "And Valerian is right, I am Lord Cassiel's son. Artmond de Cassiel." He offered a small bow but immediately winced as his chest was still tender from the quick healing.

"Alright, that is one mystery solved," Valerian said, then looked to Sigismund. "So how are you related to him?"

"Oh, she's not... related to me, I mean," Artmond interjected. "She's my family's personal cleric." Then he reconsidered. "And the—"

"Shut it, Artmond!" Sigismund snapped, definitely putting in doubt who worked for whom, especially when Artmond immediately obeyed it, even tucking his hands behind his back like a little boy having got caught with his hands in the cookie jar.

"Hmm-hmm," Valerian murmured, glancing over at Evangeline who returned the same look as they were obviously having the same thought.

Then Valerian shrugged. "Well, I don't really care. I was just wondering if I could get you to say. Shall we continue to traverse this little death trap of a temple of yours? I've already turned the trap off, so this room should be safe?"

Evangeline nodded. "Yeah, yeah. We're safe in here now."

"Then you're first, lady rogue," he said, gesturing for her to proceed.

Ignoring his baiting tone, Evangeline went over to the first alcove. Before the statue, stood a crate-sized box, placed there to receive offerings from the gods' followers. It wasn't locked, and she knew it wasn't a trap. The trap in that room had already been set off. Opening it up, she found some rotten flowers, a rusted curved knife a gardener would use, and a few gold coins. She picked up the coins and put them in her pocket then glanced over at Valerian.

He arched an eyebrow at her, then turned to his own side of the room and proceeded to check inside the boxes there.

They worked their way down each side, checking the boxes. On the third one, Evangeline crowed in laughter.

"What?" Valerian asked irritably as he pocketed his own handful of coins.

She picked up the creaky leather roll inside. "Thieves' tools!" she declared, holding it up as the prize it was.

"You jest?" he asked, giving up on his side and its paltry offerings to come over to hers. "That is eerily convenient."

Evangeline shrugged as she glanced up at the worn-down statue. "Maybe this was a god of thieves or something." She opened up the roll and looked at the metal tools inside. They were spotted here and there with rust but were otherwise serviceable. She had never actually looked inside one of the "thieves' tools" bundles she found in the game. They all just "worked" whenever she used them, the dice roller being more important than the actual animation to show the picking.

She released them to Valerian, who slid a couple of the tools out and back, checking them more thoroughly than she had.

"You know what this means?" she commented impishly.

He met her grin with a raised eyebrow. "What?"

"Something in here is locked."

She took the roll back and went to the last offering box waiting at the end. Sure enough, this one had a lock on it.

"That's just a coincidence," Valerian tried to say, folding his arms over his chest.

"This one has a lock on it too!" Hagor reported, having taken over where Valerian had left off checking the offering boxes on the opposite side of the room.

Annoyed, Valerian sucked on his teeth and returned his attention to Evangeline as she knelt and slipped two tools out of the roll. It was uncanny how easily she understood what to do, even though she was pretty sure this was the first lock she would ever pick. She set the tools into the lock, and that nebulous, continual sound of dice rattling rang in her ears as she slipped in and bumped the mechanism open. The lock fell off, and her grin morphed into a triumphant smile as she flipped the lid open.

"Oh!" said Valerian as he leaned forward to look inside. "Wasn't expecting that."

To be continued...

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