Finding Seventeen (On Hold)

Blue Lights and Sirens

When I arrived to pick of Phoenix,  he was playing with other children. He was happy, and at his age he didn't have a care in the world. Even though for last several months his world had been turned upside down, he hadn't a clue that anything was wrong. Sometimes I wish I could go back to day where the world around me didn't seem to matter. 

When Phoenix spotted me, he came running. "Auntie Jules" He threw his arms around me and hugged me tight. " I missed you."

I smiled down at him, but without thinking leaned down and picked him up. I hugged him tight to my chest. " I missed you too buddy." 

"Auntie Jules?" 

"Can we get ice cream?" 

I threw him on my hip, " We shall see, but first we get to take a ride in a cop car." 

"You in twouble? I in twouble?" 

"No sweetie we are not in trouble. This police man is my friend. If you'd rather we can take the bus." 

"No, No! I want to make sirens go woooo woooo." 

When Hudson spotted us, he quickly rushed to us. I was trying to carry a small child and a booster seat that the lady at the front desk handed me as I walked out with Phoenix. 

I laughed a little. "I don't think Officer Braverman would allow that." 

In that moment the look on that little boys face was the sweetest saddest face I'd ever seen. He really knew how to pull on your heart strings. He not only looked at me that way, he gave the same look to Hudson. That was probably the best guilt trip I'd ever seen. 

"I bet I can make an exception."  Hudson winked at me. 

Phoenix started clapping his hands together. "Let's go, Let's go."

"Which do you want to hand over? The kid or the car seat?"

I smiled at his comment. "You can have the booster seat, I'll always keep the kid." 

He chuckled a little a winked, "Makes sense." 

He took the booster seat from me and placed it into the backseat of the squad card. 

I put Phoenix into his booster seat and walked around the car and slide into the backseat of the car. Before we left the parking lot, Hudson glanced over his shoulder. "Y'all all set to go?"

"We are all ready."  

Hudson took to the street in the direction of Ryder's house. For a little while we drove around in silence. It was Phoenix who started the conversation. 

"Off-a-sir, Off-a-sir, we play cops and whrobbas?" 

"Sure buddy, but we'll have to wait till my day off."

Phoenix clapped his hands together. " Now! Now!" 

I placed my hand on Phoenix. " Not today, big guy." 

When I said these words Pheonix did not look very happy. "Now, Now I want to play NOW!" 

"Phoenix, I'm sorry but you are not playing with Officer Braverman today." 

As soon as those words left my mouth, Phoenix proceeded to turn on the waterworks. He started kicking, crying, and almost screaming. At this moment I didn't know what to do. At first I tried to console him, then I tried to talk to him. It seemed as if nothing would work, he only got louder.  I even tried to tell him jokes. I wasn't any good at telling jokes but I thought I'd better give it a try. 

I wanted to find a way to make him stop crying. I was becoming frustrated and I knew that Hudson could tell that because he would give me looks in the of sympathy through the rear view mirror. It seemed it didn't matter what I did, there would be no stopping him. I have given up all hope when Hudson turned onto a deserted street, flip on the blue lights and then the sirens. In a split second, Phoenix's eyes dried and he became a completely different kid and started clapping his hands. "Woooo woooo" 

At that moment my mind was blown. I knew nothing about kids and it had become very clean in that moment that I was not ready to have a child of my own. That thought had bounced around in my head a few times over the years, but now I knew that I needed more time, or more experience to ever consider having a child.  Not that was an option anytime soon, considering I hadn't been with a man in over a year. 

As the sirens blared, I took that moment to just lean back into the seat and relax. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to recover from the events of the last ten minutes. Even with the sirens going I was able to relax. My shoulders relaxed and I almost dozed off as we continued to drive.  In only minutes it seemed as if we'd pulled up in front of my childhood house. 

Hudson opened the door because apparently it doesn't open from the inside. I grabbed Ryder and pointed him in the direction of the front yard. He quickly jumped onto the swing and tried his best to swing. 

Hudson placed the booster seat next to gate, which Phoenix proceeded to take to the porch and headed back to the swing. 

"Well that was interesting." He said with a slight smirk. 

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that." I really was sorry that he had to deal with Phoenix when I didn't know how to deal with Phoenix. It was definitely something I'd have to discuss with Jodie. 

"Hey, kids will be kids. I have a niece who is, for the lack of better words, hell on wheels. 

"How old is she?" 

"Seven." 

I just shook my head. "So, it doesn't get any better?" 

"I would like to say yes it get better, but what I've heard the answer is no." 

I let out a sigh. "Well, here is to hoping they are wrong." 

Hudson just shook head and shrugged his shoulders. " Who knows." 

"Thanks again for the ride." 

He nodded. "No problem, let me see your phone."

I gave him an odd look, but for some reason I handed it over. When he got it into his hands, he started quickly using the keyboard. 

"I saved my work number, my house, and my cell. You should be able to reach me at one of those numbers if you need me for anything."

"Oh, you've already done too much." I didn't want to depend on someone for help, especially not a man. My mom had always depended on a man and I'd told myself I've never be like her. I wouldn't turn into my mom. 

"Hey, that is what friends do for each other. I hate to run Jules but duty calls, I need to make my rounds and head back to the station."

He handed me his phone back. "I'll text you, so you have my number." I wasn't sure why I thought he needed my number. 

Hudson started back to the driver's seat of his squad car. For a moment he turned back to look at me. "Jules." 

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry about your brother." 

"Thanks." I let out a slight sigh.

"I know I didn't get to say it back then, but I'm sorry about Dallas too."

I couldn't respond to those words. It was like the breath had been taken out of me. I just nodded my head and raised my hand slightly to say goodbye. He didn't didn't say another word, he just got into his car and drove away. 

I turned to look at Phoenix playing and stared at the front of the house. I stared for several moments, then the front door opened.

"Jules?" 

I was taken back. "Mom?" 

Hope you enjoyed. I know it has been a long time coming! Sorry about that, I've been super busy. 

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