FELL FOR MY BULLY

18) OUT OF THE WOODS

"Josh" I say as i wrap my arms around him. His hands wrap around my waist and he pulls me into him. His one hand sways on my hair comforting me. Its clear how confused he is right now.

"Are you ok?" He whispers in my ear.

I nod without taking my head from his chest. I can't stop tearing up. Everything has been stressing me out. Everything is killing me. I feel like I'm drowning. No one can understand me. But it helps when you know someone actually cares about you. Joshua has been my person. Lyla and Raven are my best friends. They are the reason i survive college. And i don't know what good i did to have them in my life. But Josh,he is the reason I survive in life. It might be a bit dramatic, but i feel like he understands me. I don't have to tell him, its like he can sense what i feel and what I think. He has always been there for me. Helping me in ways he can. And I'm grateful to god for having him in my life.He does'nt know this but he is my support system. And how many times I just wanted to cry in his arms. How many times i just wanted to open up about everything. How it killled me to lie to him. But i don't want  my demons to haunt him. I don't want him to know the darkness i carry within me. I've never let my guard down, not after the day I swore to leave everything behind.

 Today I lost it. I cried on him. 

"Are you ok, Hazel" He asks me again after a few minutes.

"mm hem" I say to him as words won't seem to comeout of me.But i'm not ok. Last thing I am is ok. I am just pissed and angry and sad and everything at the same time. I break from the hug and i look at him. 

"Lets get you home" He says as he wipes my tears.He plants a kiss on my forehead. His hand wraps around my waist and leads me out of the forest.

I get into his car. "What where you doing there, Hazel" He asks me breaking the killing silence. 

I don't speak up for i don't know what i was doing. I was out of my mind. 

"Well that does'nt matter all that matters is that you are ok" He says saving me from from answering that question. 

"Im so sorry, I just wanted to get out of there and I got lost in the woods." I say to him  inbetween my sobs and a tear rolls down my cheeks.

"Its alright" He says taking my hand.I've always loved how warm his hands always are. Its like he is my sun in my icy cold nights. "You could have told me, Hazel" He says looking at me from the road. We look at each other.

"Hazel, you know you can tell me anything right" He says. And how his caramel eyes are piercing my soul. 

"I'm sorry" I say to him and tears that I was trying to hold back spills out.

His fingers move back and forth my palm. 

"Its ok." He says. "I did'n t see you when i came back. I got worried and I've been looking for you" he says taking his eyes from me.

I wanted to say how thankful I am. I wanted to say how much he means to me. I wanted to let him know how much his presence lightens up my life. But I stay silent for i don't know how to say. We stay silent for the rest of the drive. But we are holding hands and that speaks volumes.

"Here we go" He says as we finally reach my apartment. I look at him and he looks at me. 

"Thank you " I say to him. 

"Don't mention it, Hazel" He says.

"Sleep tight. Call me if you need anything" He says and i see concern in his eyes.

I nod and I turn to open the door I set my foot on the ground but something in me made me turn back.

 I kiss him.

I took his face in my hands and i kissed him. My lips met his. He suddenly broke from the kiss and I got nervous. He doesnt like me. He does'nt see me that way. But then he kissed me back with full intensity that i had to grip on the seat for support. I just gave in. He smiles on my lips and i feel complete. I feel like i found a part of myself that i lost on the way. 

We both look at each other. I smile for he can't stop grinning. "Sleep tight" I say to him. 

"I don't think I can sleep tonight" He says grinning. 

i laugh and swat him playfully. I get out his car and we wave goodbye and i walk to my room.

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 "Who are you texting?" Jess asks me. We closed and we all are on our cleaning duty. 

"Josh" I say to her.

"what! no way!" She leaves her mop and rushes to me.

"What?" I ask her confused. I put my phone in my pocket before she can snatch it from me.

"When did you guys became a thing?" She asks me amused.

"What no" I say to her. We decided that we would keep this a secret so that to others we would be like only friends.

"Oh comeon, you've been on your phone all day and each time you look at it  you've been smilling like an idiot. So whats up?" 

"Ok, uuuuhhmmm"

"Spill the tea gurl" 

"I kissed him yesterday" I say to her.

"WHAT" She says spitting the water she was drinking. I try my best to hold back my laugh. I've never seen her like this. 

"Whoaaa" She says looking amazed.

"When is that function" She asks me getting herself together.

"Tomorrow" I say to her. I totally forgot aabout that. God I've been preparing for it a week ago. So there is nothing much to do other than checking everything in the list again. 

"Kissed him yesterday and meeting his family tomorrow. Straight to the game huhh" She says teasing me.She goes back and takes her mop I use this opportunity to throw the table cloth at her.  

I take a bus and get to my room. I lay my balck dress which i will wear tomorrow. Lyla was so kind that she let me borrow her heels and bag.

I do my minimalistic skincare and go to bed early so that I don't get freakin bags under my eyes

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