A Business Deal [MxM]

Chapter 8: Dhruv

My one desperate plea to the heavens is for him to not hear my heart thudding in my chest. I can clearly hear each and every heartbeat. It feels as if time has slowed down-or is even still-and it's just the two of us sitting here, sharing a shawl. The drama is in my head, not in reality. Am I giving away too much? Am I making it obvious that I like him? So far, I could just hear my heartbeat, but now I feel it. Blood seems to rush through my body at an unprecedented speed. My ears feel warm. They must be turning red. I am in trouble. Our faces are barely an inch apart and he is staring at me as if he has never seen me. If he gets any closer, I might kiss him. He doesn't even need to come closer for that. I can just move my face a bit and...I cannot let that happen. It would be a sin in his eyes; he would never forgive me. If he decides to leave now, he would. Nothing would hold him back.

I clear my throat and push him aside. I should have controlled my strength. He just tumbles backwards. Poor thing. He grabs my track pant and pulls himself up. By now, the entire shawl covers him. Good.

"Why did you push me?", he hisses.

"What kind of man sits so close to another man?" I should seriously think before I speak. I am not the best person to say that. I do much more than merely sitting beside men. Much more. I have seen men naked. Men have seen me naked. The air between us is now awkward. He moves a bit away from me. I knew he'd be disgusted. Shashi was correct. It is impossible.

"I'll keep the shawl then.", he tells me and wraps the shawl around him tighter. He sits staring at the bonfire, the light of it shining into his eyes. His eyes appear a remarkably different shade, almost the colour of honey.

The more I get to know him, the more reasons I have to like him. He validates all of my feelings by merely existing. All the one-night stands, all the flings, all the relationships appear insignificant in his presence. I haven't had the cleanest dealings in my life. Yet, if I were to go back in time and had an assurance of him liking me back, of being with me forever, I would mend my ways. We are crossroads currently- he has a way he must take, and I am already astray. A part of me is desperate to ask him out, but the fear of disappointing him plagues me. Presumably, he already is disappointed and disgusted, but is doing a good job at hiding it. If so, I am thankful for his concealment. Someone is kind enough to hide his disgust.

"I could come here every night. This is a good place to shut off all thoughts.", he remarks. He looks at me and smiles. The smile fills me with a warmth enough to combat all chills.

While he is calm, devoid of any thoughts, my brain is being rummaged by them. Our states are exactly opposite. Nevertheless, if something makes him happy, it will be done. I make a note to myself- I have to bring him here every night so long as he is here. I start feeling warmer. I can guess what's coming. It is me.

I stand up abruptly. Vansh looks at me, surprised. "I am going in.", I announce. He appears confused. I start walking away. He gets up and follows me. There's no need to look behind to ensure that. He would not stay here alone.

"But what's the matter?", he yells. I do not answer. "Can you not slow down? I can't walk that fast in sand." He still increases his pace and soon enough, I hear his footsteps dangerously close to my own. He grabs my arm and makes me freeze in my spot. He is panting. "Mind your behaviour."

We are almost at the haveli. I nod. We walk together, side by side.

I emerge out of my room at 5 am the next morning. As if waiting for me, he emerges out of his. He has a small cabin bag by him, just like me. The level of similarity is unnerving, but yet again, it is common sense. We'll be staying overnight. A cabin bag is enough.

We are now in the car, listening to Kishore Kumar. As I tap my fingers on the steering wheel, I hear him humming the songs. My generation has had a kind of reversal, from not liking old songs, to relying on them for solace and everything else. My six year difference with Vansh is a generation gap, but seeing that we share the same taste in music, I am at ease. I do not deem it necessary to speak of such trivialities since I believe that it is the cues that one needs to pick up. If the power of observation is strong enough, inquiry is unnecessary.