Chapter 13: Vansh

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***Mature content. Homophobia.***

I break away from the kiss. I did something even I cannot register. I went ahead and kissed him? I sucked him in. I tasted him. I ate him. I gorged on him. I relished him. I enjoyed him. His mouth against my mouth, our tongues in each others' mouths, our desperate lips... It is too much for me. I am still registering all that happened. Why did it feel so so so so so good? I never felt that way kissing my ex-girlfriends. If gay, I am exclusively gay for him. This man might not have been my beginning, but he'll be my end.

Both of us are gasping for breath. We were in a highly intense act. Even when I realized I was falling short of breath, I did not immediately take my mouth away. We weren't going slowly and building up the atmosphere. The air was good as it is. All we did was in desperation to have each other. We had to do our act, and we did it. As I brush his moustache with my thumb, I realize my hand is still on his crotch.

I look down. He is erect. I squeeze him there. Once. Twice. I can do it no more. I am erect myself. And if that is not actually enough, I am coming. I am fully wet down there. If not for my long kurta, he would see that wetness there. I abruptly stand up. He looks at me. He stands up too.

"What's the matter?", he asks me.

"Nothing. Let's go." I start walking away upon saying this. I must be crazy. What sort of man ends things this way? Honestly, there's nothing between us. It was a moment of...What? Definitely not a mistake. I am not the one to make mistakes like this. This was just an overflow of feelings. It was a flood. No, a tsunami of feelings perhaps. A heavy gust of wind causes sand to enter my eyes. I stop in my tracks. My eyes are watering. Only did the breeze make me realize that my entire body was warm and sweaty. I can still feel some beads of sweat on my temple. He reaches me soon enough. I am blinking my eyes in desperation only causing them to water more. I am petrified.

He holds my face gently in his hands. He wipes the tears flowing down using his thumb. He tries opening my eyes to blow inside. His palm is covering the entirity of my cheek at this point. Can he initiate a kiss this time? I desire more. I am hesitant, maybe even ashamed to initiate another one. What impression would I give? I am desperate? I am deprived? I just need someone to kiss and sleep with? I cannot make him feel that I am using him for my needs. I can do better than that. But I do want him. More than anything else now. More than I ever wanted him or anyone for that matter.

I did not realize when both of my eyes were cleared of whatever sand entered them. I am now looking at him. As the last of tears leave my eyes, my vision ceases to be blurry. I can see him clearly now. Nothing has changed. His features have remained the same. His eyes have the same look. The same look as six years ago. Six years ago, when I went to the Sanghvis' for the new agreement, he looked at me in the same way. Both of us were standing in the rain, getting drenched. Back then, I was too blind to notice anything. I was too preoccupied with my own business. I was having the time of my life dating someone back then. I was scheduled to go to Rome where she was vacationing after the deal was in place. Yashika wasn't in the picture back then.

Yashika. Yashika. What about her? I haven't made a commitment to her from my side. My family has. And a commitment from a business family means everything. It is a business deal. If I screw up there, everything would be over for me. It won't even be like I'd be refusing to be with Yashika for a woman. It is a man. And that man is Dhruv. My brother-in-law's brother. My brother-in-law in a sense. This might lead to the most outrageous scandal known to Indian conglomerates. I can't even imagine the fall in share prices lest my relationship with Dhruv become public. It would be a crash. A massive one at that. Wait, why am I calling it a relationship? It isn't one yet. We haven't made it official among ourselves either. We just kissed. That does not signify anything. Or does it?

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