Rock Me

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Seven 

My mum started up my car, as my Dad sat in the passenger seat rubbing his tired eyes and predictably routing through sheets and sheets of paperwork for this famous company of his and my mother's that has ruined my social life. 

It was five o'clock in the morning and i hadn't slept an hour the night before. My mind was too alive to relax, too questioning than understanding. My parent's had packed the last of our things into the moving van that was moving our furniture earlier on, including beds, T.V's and sofas,

"It will make us feel at home, love." Mum said.

"It will feel like we never moved." Dad added.

"But it won't be the same.."I mentally inputted.  

It was the same each and every time we moved. They believed that pieces of furniture would set me at ease, relax me, keep me calm to avoid any confrontation of debate but in my mind they were just pieces of furniture that they could chose to replace but chose to keep thinking it would make me happy. But they couldn't replace my happiness or scale of calm with a 40 inch television. They couldn't replace my childhood, my friends, or Zayn with a stupid mirror and make-up set. Everything was ruined. Everything. Yet i had no guts to admit that to my parents, i know they do what they do to help me have a better life, to grow up and be just as successful as them but i didn't want that. I wanted London. I wanted everything the way it was only a few months ago. 

I had forgotten about Louis request to look at the portrait of myself. That was until i began to feel sick four hours into the journey as i routed through my travel bag in search of a tablet. I placed the piece of paper to my side and popped a pill into my mouth swallowing it whole with a small sip of water following behind it. I rubbed my temples calming the slowly forming migraine in my head inhaling small amounts of oxygen from the slightly opened window. 

I don't know why, but i became nervous. I didn't know what to expect from the portrait; the last time i saw it it was just me. I hesitantly picked it up, noticing a few lines on the back of the sheet which wasn't there before-hand. I thought it may of been Louis, or Harry or Eleanor or Niall who left a message, but the premiership gave me a gut clenching feeling it wasn't either of them.  

I just thought i'd say when i said i loved you i meant it. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me in a long time, and i don't want to lose you. Don't change. Don't leave- Z

Zayn. He loved me. So why did he let me go? Why did he end it, why did he do that? He walked away, he said there was no 'us'. 

I had to think to myself when he wrote it. It couldn't of been when i first received it, because i saw both sides of the sheet at the back was blank. Perhaps it was when he slept over, and when we had the play-fight and i talked him into telling me he loved me?

But he was asleep at the same time as me, right? Maybe not.

But maybe he was. I could recognise his handwriting a mile away. My eyes glazed over, and my vision became blurred from reoccurring tears in my eyes. Why couldn't i see that affection in his eyes at the time, how couldn't i hear his heart breaking over mine? All the little things he did, the little glances he made to meet my eyes and every time he annoyed me just to get my attention; how come i didn't notice?

How could i have been so stupid not to know from the fast beating heartbeat, the raging bats in the pit of my stomach and the feeling of wholeness in his arms that i in fact was in love and no longer in love with the idea of it? I let him slip through my fingers. I didn't tell him i loved him when i could have in the nurses office. I thought i would have been lying if i let the words slip off my tongue, i suspected he was still only with me for his amusement but the look of hurt in his eyes always signified something so much more. 

Now i was gone. He was gone. Everything was gone and i didn't have the chance to tell him the truth.

* * *

"Here we are!" Mum chirped in the front of the car as she slowed down beside a small cottage-type of house. "Isn't it beautiful?" She smiled gratefully hopping out of the car and inhaling grass scented air. 

"It's lovely." Dad added in agreement joining her side. It was around midday now, in Edinburgh. My mind was still in a mess and i couldn't care less of the surroundings, never mind the house. I just needed sleep. "Are you OK, Orla, love?" 

"Top of the world." I mumbled sarcastically, walking towards what i gathered to be the front door. 

"You'll be able to sleep it off, love. I think you're bed's in already." Mum assured running a hand through some strands of my hair. 

"How?" I furrowed my brows. "I thought the removal van was right behind us?" 

"They continued on the journey when we stopped off, love. Don't worry." I nodded in response as my Dad unlocked the door, and sure enough everything was in place. It was a lot smaller than the house back in London, it was more of a retirement home than a family home if i'm honest. I sighed jogging up the hollow sounding stairs peaking into each room finding my own and eventually laying down on the sheets; the only thing reminding me of the only place i felt was home- London. 

The portrait was still in my grasp, still holding the short message Zayn had placed on there with his own hand. It was still real.  The feelings were still real. 

I just needed to show him that. I needed to prove it. 

I pulled out my phone, avoiding Zayn's number knowing he'd ignore me even if i tried to reach him, and i dialled Eleanor's number running a finger over Zayn's writing as each dial tone repeated itself until finally her voice rang through the speaker, "Hello?" 

"Hey, Eleanor it's Orla." I smiled hearing her voice. 

"Orla! I'm so glad you called how's it going? How's the travelling? Is it nice there?" 

I let out a slight chuckle. "Just got here and it's okay i guess. Erm, Eleanor?"

"Yeah? What's happened? Are you OK?" I could sense worry laced in her tone as her voice became low and concerned. I bit my lip, swallowing harshly as i re-read the small sentences on the sheet of paper. 

"I need a favour." 

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Ok i know this is short, but trust me the next chapter will explain everything and i can guarantee you'll like it. I've been receiving such great feedback and i love how much you guys are liking it so THANK YOU i love you! I'll try and update as soon as i can. 

The song that's dedicated to this chapter is on the side and i honestly love this song so so much. I think it's quite relateable to this as well.. let me know what you think :)