I am the problem ?

I am the problem ?(hide and seek)

I shoud up of my bed did my shoes on and walk with Merel to the girls. I came with Merel to the girls. Everyone looked at me and slime. Lili asked:" Why don't you smile back ?" I zone out and I didn't heard her. Lili asked again:" Why don't you smile back !" I looked up and said:" sorry." Everyone looked at Lili disgusted but not me i looked down. Lili rols her eyes and says:" will we begin or not or will be getting all of our attention on that rat." Everyone was shocked me to but I didn't show it. Lili saying to someone in to there eyes that they are a rat is fucked up. I start to bite my nails really hard. Jente looks at Lili and says:" what is wrong with you Lili you were the first person that gave attention to Julia on that group chat." Lili looks mad at Jente and says:" You are the one that gets attention whole the time for no reason." I start to bite my nails even harder. Jente says:"When then when do you see it." Lili looks at Jente with big eyes and slaps her face. It's happening again. One of the girls runs to the room where the trainers are. Jente is on the ground with a bleeding nose. Merel pushes Lili away from Jente. A trainer came from the boys of our club and asked:" What the fuck is going on i tought you Guys are going to play hide and seek and not some fighting and now get up and play hide and seek." Jente gets up and looks at Lili and she walks with lotte. Lili rols her eyes. As everyone calmed down everyone came into pairs for the game. I was the seeker. Well i fucked up because i can't even do that(looking for people) i wanted to cry but i held it inside. I looked at Lili knowing how messed up person she is. She called me a rat. I never knew that she will ever say that to someone. The kind Lili turned into a mean Lili. Lili was with Ema. Ema is a mean girl too so if Lili is mean she has someone to be mean with. Merel was with Jente and Lotte was with mara. Everyone had someone so that is great. Jente said to me:"close your eyes and count to 20 now." I close my eyes.everything is black now. I start to breath heavy. I start to feel like I was about to faint or something. 10 seconds left. I start to feel dizzy and i start to overthink what just happend. What Lili said and what Jente said. Is it true what Lili said i am really a rat. 20 seconds. I start to look for everyone. 5 minuts past and i still didn't find anyone. 10 minuts past and no one. Fuck where is everyone. I start to scream and said:" where are you Guys."  Fuck now I'm scared. It was fucking dark and i don't know where i am. I look at the time and it's 20:30 am. I start to scream again:" where are you Guys !" I start to run and look on every spot that was there and find no one. Where im. I cried. I sat on the Floor with a Three and cried even more. Till a boy with curls green eyes and beautiful lips came to me and sat for me. I looked at him with my blood shot eyes. He asked me:" are you okay ?" I looked at him in his eyes and i said:" no." He looked at me worried and said:" Why ?" I don't know what i should say i don't even know him. Maybe i just need to say something. I say:" i feel like nobody needs me in this world and it would be better that im not here on this world." He even looked more worried at me and said:" and why do you feel like that ?" I say:" because i fuck up everything." He says:" Nein." I looked at him and smile. He says:"you have such i beautiful smile." I even smile bigger. He says:" and why do you think that you fuck up everything?" I say:" because two girls got into a fight because off me and because off my mental health there are Some arugments in our team and i always think that everything is my fault." He looks in my eyes and says:"and who is the one that starts those arguments you or someone else and who starts a fight you or those girls." I look you into his beautiful,pretty, eyes and i say:" but i don't understand why i think that everything is my fault even tho it's not my fault." He looks my lips and says:" it's really normal if you feel like that but you have to always ask yourself who starded everything in all of those things." I look at him and smile and wipe my tears out with my hand. He takes my hand and puts it down and takes off his hoodie even tho it's so cold outside and wipes my tears of with his hoodie. I smile again. Oh shit I'm smiling. He says:" you have a really beautiful smile and i really mean and I'm not saying that to make you happy but i really mean it you are loved,important,beautiful, pretty and every good thing and i don't see nothing bad in you."  He looks at the name that is worted on my shirt."Julia." I smile and i don't stop. I start to cry out of happines. He comes closer and gives me a hug. His Hugs are the best hugs that ever got from a man. I can't stop. his hugs. I say:" thank you." He stops and looks at me and says:" Can we swith hoodies so i can have your spel with me all the time." I smile really big and take off my hoodie gives it to him and does his hoodie on. His smell is so good i can't stop sniffing it. He looks at me and plays with my hands. I smile. I even forgot that i need to look for the girls. I look at his lips. I start to think what if he was my first kiss ever and how he will feel when i kiss him. His hand comes on my neck and his finger on my lips. I look at his eyes. Our lips where getting closer and closer to eachother. It's happening. Oh fuck. Did I took it to far. I just know him. What if he is a snake like my other boyfriends. My lips are on my lips. I forgot about everything that happend that day. His hand was in my hair and i smile and we still kiss. His taste. He taste like blueberries. I can't stop he is the one. His hand in my hair. His hand on my neck. I put my hand on his hair. His curls are so good to touch. His lips,his eyes,his hair,his hands,. All of a sudden i heard voices,footsteps from the girls. I didn't care now i care about this. This moment everything. I can't stop. His taste. His everything. We stopped and did our forheards on eachother and we smiled. I grab his hand and say:" What is your name ?" He says:"Christoph." He takes a paper and writes all of his socials there and gives it to me. I look at him and say:"i don't know need them because you are Here." He smiles and says:" let me take them." I hide the paper in pocket and say:" i will stalk them whole the night if you wanna know." He laught and says:" me too." I heard the girls saying my name and saying that i need to come right now. Shit did they saw our kiss. Fuck. I get up and smile to Christoph. I say:" bye." He gets up and grabs me. Yes please i don't wanna go. Me and his face are close to eachother again. I forgot that i even have to go now. I'm lost in his eyes. He says:" bye and remember what i said Julia." I smile and run to the girls. Every girls mounth was open. Merel had the most opend mounth of all of them. Lili had a straight face and was on her phone. Everyone start to ask everything that happend and other things but i keeped my mounth shut because me and christoph had the best moment with eachother. We were walking to the rooms and i come to my room. I take the paper that christoph gave me and search all of the socials that he gave me. Snapchat,Facebook,Instagram,TikTok, and he even gave his spotify. I texted him on insta "hi" he texted me back really fast with "HIIIII" i smiled and texted "HOW ARE YOUUU??" He text"IM GOOD AND YOUU JULIAA!!" I smiled even harder and texted " IM GOOD TO CHRISI !!" He texts "THATS GREAT JJ!!" I put my phone on bed took my pyjama and took of my clothes. His hoodie. I take it and smell it. Blueberries. I put it in my closet and my other clothes in my bag for "bad clothes" i do my slippers on and get out of my room and see all girls. I was shocked. Jente came close to me and says:" who hoodie is that ?" I smile and say:" someone." She opens her mounth and says:" and who is that someone?" I put my finger on her mounth and say:" someone." She laught and says:" im happy for you." All the girls ask me everything but not Lili. I looked at my phone and it was 21:30. I say:" Guys it's 21:30." Everyone leaves and say bye. Merel was my roomate so she asked me more and more things like how it was. I go to my room get on my bed and sleep(with a smile)