Francis Forever - Mitski
i am not normal about this song
there will be a part 2 in Etho's POV; also pretend this is fake irl or smt and not hc 9/esmp 2 bc i havent watched it ok
Joel's POV - 3rd person
I don't know what to do without you,
Joel thought sadly, laying in his bed, staring at the ceiling. Double Life was over, why was he so sad? If anything, he should be happy, but he's not; and he can blame it on that stupid white haired man.
Joel doesn't know what to do without Etho. How can he sleep knowing his soulbound is out there somewhere, not next to him? How can he sleep knowing he isn't sleeping in the Relation without Etho?
Most people thinks that without Joel, Etho wouldn't have gotten that far; but Joel disagrees. Sure, Joel built their ship, the Relation, he took care of Etho at times, and he made them meals, but Joel was the cause of all their deaths. Maybe Etho would've gotten farther.
Etho helped Joel upgrade his armor, enchant it, he also helped him with wounds as well; Joel is just as useless without him. He doesn't know what to do.
I don't know where to put my hands
I've been trying to lay my head down
But I'm writing this at 3 am
Joel couldn't sleep; of course he couldn't. Sleeping in a bed not next to Etho bothered him, even as weird as it sounds. He's been trying to lay his head down on his bed. Just rest your blummin' head, he would think, but of course he would rebel himself.
So instead, he was pacing around his room, the only light on was his desk lamp, revealing a piece of paper with 'Dear Etho,'. Great, now Joel was writing a stupid letter to Etho at fucking 3 am. They were in different servers, so why does he care?
I don't need the world to see
That I've been the best I can be, but
I don't think I can stand to be
Where you don't see me
Joel wasn't the best soulmate either, another reason why he shouldn't write this letter. He tried his best for Etho, he really did; he tried to be more careful than other seasons since he wasn't just playing with his own life, but he played with another's as well.
So being the reason they died 3 times really was embarrassing, isn't it? But Joel didn't need Etho to know that he tried the best he could to keep them alive.
But then why was he writing this letter? Simple: Joel doesn't want to live without Etho. He wants to be with Etho. Of course this might be a silly and foolish idea, considering the fact that Etho and Bdubs were probably dating at this point, but he just missed Etho.
On sunny days I go out walking
I end up on a tree lined street
I look up at the gaps of sunlight
I miss you more than anything
The next morning, Joel woke up, his feet sore from pacing all night; he had exhausted himself to the point where he fainted on the spot.
Joel glanced over to his desk, the lamp still on, giving the blank letter a spotlight. Joel sighed; he needed to get over Etho, a distraction.
He knew that Jimmy and Lizzie were busy, probably so was Scott. Maybe just a walk will do just fine, Joel thought, getting up and putting on a hoodie and some boots, still in his pajamas.
He walked out of his apartment, locking it behind him. He put his hands in his hoodie pocket, looking up at the sky; it was 8 am, pretty early to wake up on a weekend, so it wasn't to bright out.
Joel walked along a street, beautiful trees lining on each side, giving shade to those under it, including Joel. Etho would've loved this..., Joel thought, then quickly shamed himself; he came on this walk to take his mind off of Etho.
Joel looked up, hands still in pockets and he still walked. He looked at the gaps of sunlight peeking out from some of the leaves, the trees making sure the sun doesn't blind him.
"I miss you more than anything," Joel whispered, talking to the sky as if it were Etho, tears pricking his eyes.
I don't need the world to see
That I've been the best I can be, but
I don't think I can stand to be
Where you don't see me
Going on this walk without Etho felt wrong to Joel. Just living without Etho already saddened him. He didn't want to wake up without Etho, he didn't want to eat without Etho, he didn't want to laugh, or smile, or 'be happy' without Etho; he couldn't.
And autumn comes when you're not yet done
With the summer passing by, but
I don't think I can stand to be,
Where you don't see me.
And so days turned into weeks, which turned into months, and so on without Etho. And that letter made even less progress every second, if that's even possible.
Autumn came by, all the trees' leaves into a golden red, orange, yellow, and brown. Joel started walking by this tree lined street everyday, something to pass the time. Autumn was also Etho's favorite season, apparently, but Joel will never found out.
Then summer came by, Joel's favorite season, because of the beautiful walks along the sunny beach, but yet he still walks upon this tree lined street. It was funny because summer and autumn followed each other, yet Joel waited for an entire year.
Today was no different; Joel took his daily morning walk, except it wasn't in the tree lined street, but to the post office.
Joel entered the post office, clutching the letter a little too tightly.
"Good morning, Joel, nice to see you here," post master, Pearl, smiled. "Good morning, Pearl; I would like to send a letter," Joel greeted, handing the lady his letter. "Alright, and to who?" Pearl asked, briefly reading the front of the envelope then putting it in her bag.
Joel hesitated.
"To Etho."
—
994 words
NOT EVEN 1000 WORDS?! UGH
