Ready to Love | Seventeen FF

Chapter 6

Somehow, Vernon and I were able to get to our room and go to bed without speaking a word to each other. I think we're both avoiding talking about what happened earlier. I felt like I had been laying down for a while, and yet I couldn't fall asleep. I grabbed my phone to check the time which read: 2:30am. Great. I've been trying to go to sleep for over an hour now. I thought about heading to the rooftop garden that the hotel has for some fresh air. I looked over to Vernon's bed to see if he was asleep, and sure enough I could see his silhouette completely still and could hear deep breathing. I got up and slipped on my slippers and quietly exited the room.

I expected to be completely alone in the garden considering how late it was, but to my surprise there was someone there sitting on a bench. Their silhouette seemed familiar to me, assuming it was one of the guys, I walked towards them. When I was about 10 feet away, I called out to them.

"Hello?"

The person jumped a bit at the sound of my voice, but they slowly turned around.

"Sky?" The person said when we made eye contact.

"Jun?" I softly gasped.

"Couldn't sleep either?" He asked while turning forwards again.

"Yeah." I replied while awkwardly staying in my spot. He just hummed in response.

"Do you want to sit?" He asked a minute later.

I nodded without thinking how he couldn't see me and began walking towards the bench. He moved over to give me room to sit and to allow some space between us. There was some slight tension between us, but weirdly enough, it was also comforting being in his presence. We sat there and listened to the sounds of the night while also taking in the view of the skyline.

"I'm sorry." Jun said out of nowhere.

"For what?"

"For everything." He slightly turned towards me but avoided eye contact. "For having to leave you suddenly and not getting to have a proper conversation without about it beforehand."

"It's okay Jun."

"No, it's not. You deserved an explanation without being hurt as much as I hurt you." He sighed running his hands through his hair out of frustration. "It was just all so fucked up! From one day to the next they just wanted me to drop you like you were nothing, but you weren't nothing, you aren't nothing. You're everything Sky."

I felt the anxiety start creeping up and tears welling in my eyes. Were we going to talk about everything right here and right now? I don't know if I'm ready for this, but I know I have too eventually.

"Jun, I don't blame any of it on you and I never will. I didn't want you to give up your dream and do anything to get you kicked out."

"I know, but I hate myself so much for letting it happen and not fighting back as much as I should have." He said resting his elbows on his knees and putting his head in his hands.

"It's okay, it's all in the past now." I tried reassuring him.

He went silent again for a little bit. I didn't know what to say next. He slowly brought his head back up and sat straight. Then he finally looked at me.

"How are you?" He asked with nothing but worry and regret in his eyes.

Now it was my turn to avoid eye contact with him. I didn't want him to know it's still affecting me a lot after all this time.

"I'm fine." I nervously bit my lip.

"You know you're lying to the wrong person, right?"

"I just- I don't know what to say." My voice started quivering.

I need to talk to him. Minghao is right, I'll never move on if I don't talk about everything. I took a deep breath and prepared myself.

"Fine. It's been hard." I sighed. "I want to move on, but I always push them away in fear I'll lose someone like I lost you. I'm scared to go through those feelings again. I still have dreams about you and they're usually memories. I can't even count the number of times I've called Minghao in the middle of the night sobbing and begging to not be alone. It just feels impossible to let myself be with another person. I see you with her and it still hurts sometimes, but I know you're also moving on and I need to do the same. I just- I miss you Jun." And with that the tears fell. The things I've been thinking about and wanting to tell him have finally been said.

He didn't say anything, but his next move caught me off guard. He stood up then reached his hand out towards me. I hesitantly took it and let him pull me up, so we were standing face to face. Then he pulled me into a hug. I froze for a second. But then, I wrapped my arms so tightly around him and sobbed. It's like everything I have been holding inside of me was released.

"Shh it's okay. I'm so sorry Sky." He brought one hand to the back of my head and started stroking my hair. My ear was pressed up against his chest and I could hear his heartbeat.

I miss this.

After a few minutes, we separated a bit, but Jun brought his hands up to cup both of my cheeks, using his thumbs to wipe my tears and forcing me to hold eye contact with him.

"Don't do this to yourself. All I ever want for you is to be happy. And I know that I'll have to see you happy with someone else, and as much as it sucks, I'd so much rather see you smile than see you cry. I'm not fully moved on, trust me it's harder than I'm making it look, but it's a slow process that I know you'll get through also. I'm sure I'm the last person you want to talk to about feelings and relationships, but I'll always be here for you, and I'll always support you. You were my first love, and no one will ever take that away." He stared into my eyes, and I could see the tears threatening to spill from his. "I'll always love you, but it's time for both of us to move on."

His words made me cry more. Everything feels so much more real now that we've had the chance to talk about it. It really is time for me to let him go.

"I'll always love you too, Jun."

He gave me a small smile before leaning in and gave me one last soft kiss. The kiss had no emotions other than sadness and pain. The kiss was to say "goodbye" without saying the words.

Jun walked me back to my room after I calmed down a bit.

"Goodnight, Sky. I'll see you tomorrow." He smiled at me.

"Goodnight, Jun be safe going back to your room." We hugged one last time and went our separate ways.

I quietly walked into the room, careful to not wake Vernon, and threw myself in bed. My head and eyes hurt from all the crying and thoughts running through, but a part of me also feels relieved. Even though I'm sad and broken about this, I feel like I can finally try to move on.

Thank you, Jun, for everything.

Please vote and leave comments! :)