The Wylie Diaries : Where The Flowers Bloom

Chapter Sixteen : Back To The Start

They say that some memories are unforgettable, so heartwarming that they stay vivid in your mind for all eternity. They lied. These past few months have taught me that memories, however happy they made you feel at the time, can be taken away from you forcefully and never given back.Memories should never define the person you are, at least I thought they shouldn't when I had them. I find myself sitting and starring into space much more often than I did previously. Tyler often says it looks like I am searching for something, looking inside of me rather than out onto the world around me. He couldn't be anymore right.

 You know that feeling when you sit down with your friends and suddenly memories come flooding back of all the things you have done together? Now imagine being unable to remember anything you had done with that person. Having to sit there and have conversations with a stranger who treats you like their best friend. Watching the person look at you as if they have  fallen madly in love with you over the years and yet you see a stranger instead of a lover. I know it is difficult on Tyler, I'm not saying that he should just deal with it. I guess I'm just finding it difficult myself, trusting somebody new. Falling in love and moving away from home seems like a crazy step for me to have taken, I guess I wouldn't have done it if I didn't truly love him.

Tyler has been trying to constantly reassure me that he isn't some sort of crazy killer. He has finally convinced me after months of attempts. I did mean what I said to him, when I said that I wanted to discover the love we had again. He is taking me out  but he won't tell me where, even though he knows that I hate surprises. 

"Are you looking forward to going out?" Tyler asks me.

"Yeah, I wish you would tell me where we are going though"

"It's somewhere nice. We have been there before.. Well, before the accident anyway"

"Alright. Let me just go and brush my teeth and we can go"

I must have stayed in the bathroom for some time. I guess I used the excuse of brushing my teeth to buy some time. There is something about Tyler that just makes me so nervous, it makes butterflies appear in my stomach. I cannot remember feeling this way about anybody before and it scares me. 

Tyler must have realised that I had been trying to buy some time and hide away, so he came into the bathroom. He sat next to me, peering into the same mirror that I had been staring at for some time.

"You know, if you look hard enough you might actually see yourself in that mirror" he laughed.

"That is what I am hoping for" I reply seriously.

Tyler turns his body to face mine, taking a deep breath as if the next words he utters from his mouth are going to take all of the air inside his body to muster.

"Wylie, people spend years trying to search for themselves. Stop trying. Stop trying to look for the old you and look towards creating something new. Your memories are not what makes you special, it's your soul I fell in love with and that hasn't changed a bit."

Tyler was right. All of the bad things that I had done or had felt over the last ten years had been wiped clean. The good and the bad was removed, I just focused so hard on the good.

"The good will come back, Wylie. If they don't, we can just create something good. We did it before and we can do it again."

Tyler takes my hand, his touch feeling warm and comforting. A sensation that I had not felt in a while.

"Let's go for your walk, Tyler" I respond, trying to show my appreciation and affection by rubbing his hand with my thumb a few times.

We walk out of the house, holding hands as we venture out into the forest, following a path which seems to lead from our house. We arrive at a clearing in the woods, a few meters away from the lake which seemed to reflect the light of the moonlight. It had a peaceful feeling, somewhere that I suddenly felt an enormous amount of comfort even though I have no memory of being here before.

"This is where we spent a lot of our time. It is where I proposed and where you agreed to be mine forever. A lot of our happiest moments were here and I would like our new ones to be here too" Tyler says.

This place seemed perfect. He had laid out a picnic on the grass with some of my favourite foods. Whatever memories I had lost, my love for pizza was not one of them.

"Tyler, this looks perfect."

I meant it. Nobody had ever gone to so much effort just to make me feel special, it was working. The butterfly feeling in my stomach that I had earlier was still very much present as Tyler moved closer to me, brushing a piece of hair that had crept out of position with this hand. He planted a kiss firmly on my lips, the butterflies now dancing as our lips united into one. He pulled away, looking me in the eye. 

"I've missed that" Tyler says quietly whilst exhaling the last of his air.

For Tyler, that kiss was nothing new. He remembers all the kisses we shared over the years. For me, it was different. It was the first kiss we shared together, It was the first kiss that I could actually remember.

"Do you ever get that butterfly feeling, Tyler?"

"Whenever i'm around you. It has never gone away for me, even after this many years."

The way Tyler looks at me.. It is different than anybody else. He looks at me as if I am the only thing that is important in the world and with complete adoration. The way I am feeling right now is the only feeling that I have always wanted, the feeling of being loved by another human being that isn't your parents.

"You are perfect in every way, Tyler."

Tyler's grin expands. "You used to tell me that a lot. Almost every day actually. I've missed it."

We lay down on the grass, looking up at the night sky. The stars look back at me, seemingly aware of my existence and with some knowledge of me.

"How often did we come down here?" I asked.

"Almost everyday. It was either here or the meadow, but we liked the way the moon reflected off the lake here and so we usually come here at nights."

Everything Tyler said to me was the truth. Even though I had lost my memories, I still liked the same things and thought the same way as I did before. I had grown tired of trying to convince myself that I was not in love with this man. I often stayed awake at night, in the room by myself, wondering what Tyler was doing and what it would feel like being held by him. Each night I grew a little more lonely but never having the confidence to open his bedroom door and to crawl into bed with him, even if it was something that I truly wanted.

"Tyler, can I stay in your bed tonight?"

Tyler turned his head quickly, no longer looking up at the sky but at my cheek.

"Are you sure?"

"There is no point pretending like I don't belong here anymore. I may have lost the memories I had of you but the feelings have been coming back, slowly. I didn't want to admit them at first but now I just can't help it. I miss being in your arms."

Tyler takes my hand, holding it firmly. "You can stay in my bed whenever you want."

I smile, leaning in and kissing him a final time on the lips before standing up. 

"Let's go home and go to bed, i'm feeling tired" I suggest.

It was a lie. I wasn't tired at all. I guess I was coming up with excuses so we could get into bed together. He bought the excuses.

"Okay Wylie, lets go."

It doesn't take us long to walk back to the house, even if we couldn't see where we were walking as the darkness covered the path like a thick fog. Tyler takes his keys out of his pocket. He grabs my hand and walks me inside, locking the door behind us.