"You Can't Fix Me If Your Just As Fucked." Karlnap Angst

3. control

Karl POV

"Yeah yeah, I know the whole speech." He laughs, taking another drag from the cigarette.

Blowing smoke out to the side, to avoid it hitting me, he asks, "why are you leaving so early? It's a 20 minute walk, 40 if you want it to be."

"I wanted to leave the house, just be out, you know?"

"Yeah," He flicks the now completely burnt cigarette onto the pavement, crushing it under his foot and kicking it into the grass, "did... did something happen?" He says, definitely hinting to the loud bang yesterday.

"I- I had a- small- fight with my mom. Nothing big, just the energy in the house was pissy, I wanted out."

"We can just sit out here, and I'll drive us to school in like 2 hours. If you want we could go inside if you dont like it out here, my parents are never home. They travel for work."

"You said yesterday you were outside with your dad-?"

"I was actually out here- you know, smoking," he tips his head to the cigarette. "I didn't say anything cus it can be kinda weird and I don't know- bragish-?to just be like 'I was outside smoking'-I don't know."

I shrug it off, "I'm fine out here, we can go in if you want though."

"My bags in there, we can just grab it real quick then sit out here."

We walk in his house, it's nice. He must come from money, 2 stories, 2 bathrooms, and a garage, that's pretty good, especially in our town.

He comes back downstairs with his bag, I didn't even notice he went upstairs.

"I just have to grab a water bottle, then we can go."

He opens his fridge, I can't help but notice that almost all there is in there is liquids.

Water bottles, milk, apple juice, the only 'food' is yogurt.

Which is hardly a food.

"Did you have anything for breakfast at all?"I say, a non direct way of pointing out the lack of food.

"I never eat breakfast, makes me feel sick" he smiles at me

Bullshit

"Did you pack anything for lunch?"

"I'm gonna buy something"

He looks at me knowingly, he knows what I'm doing.

I shouldn't push farther.

"Okay."

We talk about practically nothing, then go to school.

In 2nd period, coach marriot stopped me.

"Karl, hoodie."

Fuck, I was meant to grab those fucking gloves.

"Just for today. I'll take it off tomorrow."

"Tell me why I've never seen your arms before Karl, there's a certain point where I have to report it."

"Coach please-"

"I know I said I'd give you awhile to 'get the hoodie off' but ive told you that a million times before Karl. Either take the hoodie off or go to the councilors office."

He says it with a sad look on his face, I know he cares, but fuck.

"One more day coach. Please."

He sighs, putting his head in his hands.

"Bleachers, jacobs."

"What-?"

"Sit on the bleachers, I'm not gonna make you work out in a hoodie anymore. But tomorrow if you say no to taking it off at all, I have to report it, that's a promise, jacobs."

I nod silently, a small thank you escaping.

"Ill have that nick boy sit with you too, he gets worn out really easily. Skinny kid, drinks too much water. I'll have to talk to him about his diet or something, I swear he drinks like 2 bottles of water each practice-" he looks to sapnap, waving him over "armstrong! Over here-!"

He jogs over, drinking his water.

"Yes coach?"

"Don't overwork yourself, come sit with Karl, he won't be doing anything today."

"Um- okay-? Thank you."

"Yeah yeah, see you later." Coach marriot says walking off.

"Are you okay? Why aren't you doing anything?"

"Coach marriots just giving me a break today."

"It was the hoodie."

"What?" I look at him

"You wouldn't take off your hoodie, right?"

"Um yeah, I'm a naturally cold person."

He hums in response, drinking more water.

"You know, I have a granola bar in my bag, if you want it." I look at him.

"Still to early, I'll feel sick."

I stare at him for a second.

It's to early to KNOW that he has an ED, but as someone who used to struggle with one, I'm not fucking stupid. Hes purposely avoiding eating.

"Please, just a bite or two maybe?" I grab the granola bar, shoving it his direction.

He hesitantly grabs it.

"Why are you doing that?"

I look up at him

"Huh?"

"I'm not like- anorexic or something. I think that's what you think." He gets out, not making eye contact with me.

"No- I just have adhd and forget to eat sometimes, so as a kinda reminder to myself to eat, I make sure other people are eating."

Not a complete lie.

He hums in response, taking a bite from the granola bar.

By the end of the period, slowly but surely, the granola bar was gone.

The bell rings, and we start heading to class.

"Hey, I'm gonna use the restroom, head to class without me, ill be right there." He says.

I think nothing of it, nodding and heading to our next class.

Sapnap POV:

I make it to the restroom, walking into a stall normally, then after I've locked the door, I bend over the toilet, shoving two fingers down my throat.

God, what happened to never doing that again?

After gagging a few more times, I finally get the granola bar out, with a mix of stomach acid.

Ow.

I cough a bit, before standing up and wiping my mouth, flushing the toilet.

I sigh, and eventually unlock the door, walking out.

"God, this is so stupid."

I don't even remember when I started this dumb habit.

I remember why though.

I never had any control with my life.

I HAD to have good grades, I never got any say in where we moved, I never got any say in how long my parents left or what I was supposed to do when they were gone, I never got any say in my life.

It's kinda sad, that those are the only real things in my life, and it all revolves around my parents.

The only 2 things I've ever controlled was how much I ate, and smoking.

It's a gross habit, really.

I know it is.

But who even cares.

Words:1086