"You Can't Fix Me If Your Just As Fucked." Karlnap Angst

2. bad for you

Karl POV:

I get in his truck, it's nice. I'm assuming he borrows it from a parent during the day so he can get to school, due to the smell of cigarettes.

I don't mind the smell of cigarettes, it makes me think of my childhood, and even if it was bad, it's not as bad as it is now, so its a nice thought.

The only thing that does get to me, is actually smoking the cigarettes.

My mother smokes.

Then again, my mom also smokes weed, so I guess that gets me upset too.

And obviously if I caught someone I care for doing any of my mom's drugs I'd get upset too.

Just don't use any of that shit I guess.

I'm fine with people drinking a little, but if your gonna get super drunk, give me a warning so I can get outta there.

"Karl?"

"Huh? Sorry, i zoned out for a second there."

"It's fine, just give me the directions as I drive."

He starts driving, me saying what direction to go whenever needed.

"Okay, my house is just a little farther down the street."

"Wait actually?" He says pulling up to my house.

"It's this one- yeah actually? What do you mean?"

"Dude this is my street too- and your house is literally only one house away."

Shit

"Oh that's cool- anyways thank you for driving me."

"Yeah don't worry, if you ever need a ride I'm literally right down the street so no worries, also you have my number so, uh, yeah."

I nod at his... awkward... statement and wave goodbye, walking into my house, praying she's not home, or passed out.

"Karl."

Fuck.

"Hi mom."

I pretend not to notice how she's obviously high and drunk.

"Who drove you home?" She barks

"My friend n-"

"You mean boyfriend!?"

Fuck, here she goes again.

Ever since she found out I like boys, any time a boy is mentioned she goes on a homophobic rant

"Mom he's not-"

She slaps me across the face

"You know- I never asked for a kid- let alone a-" she shoves me against the wall,"fucking-", she shoves me harder "faggot."

"Mom please-" She shoves me to the floor-

Fuck- that's gonna bruise.

"Get out of my sight."

I scatter up to my room, ignoring her glare I feel on the back of my head.

I throw myself onto my bed, wanting to bawl my eyes out, but I can't. If she hears me it's just another thing she can use against me.

I can cut.

I told coach marriot I'll be able to 'take off the hoodie' as he said, but fuck that.

I'll just wear fingerless gloves that cover my wrist, Whys he even care.

I dig under my desk for a second, finally finding the box I need

Upon opening it, I grab my blade and count

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.9.10 11 12 13 14-

15.

It's not that many, I've done more.

I can do more...

My phone starts to ring-

Drip.

Fuck-

I grab my phone and a cloth at the same time, not bothering to look at the name.

"Hello?"

"Are you okay? I heard a bang from your house cus I was outside talking to my dad, one of the neighbors who was outside said 'It's normal, don't question it.'- but what happened?"

"Oh-" Nick. "I just fell down the stairs, I have the worst depth perception ever. I fall down things and run into shit all the time."

"Are you sure-" I press the cloth a little to hard against my cuts.

"Fuck-"

"Karl?"

"Sorry, paper cut."

"Okay, but are you sure you're all right?"

His tone caught me off guard, the way he seemed so- stern- but... caring????

"Uh- yeah? Um- I gotta go sapnap, see you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya."

I hang up, putting my attention to my cuts.

Time skip a few hours, I'm trying to sleep, with absolutely no luck.

"Fuck" I whisper under my breath, glancing to my clock on my desk, seeing its almost 4 am.

I sit up, deciding to just get ready and head to school earlier than normal. I like sitting outside in the mornings anyways, it's nice.

By the time I'm ready it's about 4:30, I wait till 5 to head out the door, I'll get to school by 5:20, 5:40 if I take the long way, either way I'm at school like an hour or 2 early.

Who cares.

I step out the door, and I almost missed it, but sapnaps standing on his front porch.

It takes me a minute to realize why he's out there, to realize what he's doing.

But low and behold- he's smoking.

I know it's his life, and that I just met him yesterday, but it still put a gut wrenching feeling through my core.

I have no right to demand he stop or anything, I think If I ever see him smoking again, or he tries to smoke in front of me, ill js tell him about 'how unhealthy it is' and worse comes to worse, just tell him not to do it around me because of personal trauma or whatever.

I don't like doing that though, it makes me feel shitty.

It's not his fault I had a shitty mom who just so happened to smoke.

I hadn't realized I'd been staring at him until he gave me a slight wave and started walking over to me, cigarette still in hand.

I waved back and started walking towards him too, i don't want to talk too close to the house, incase my mom is up and her windows open or something. She tends to open her window when she's smoking weed, she doesn't care about the smell of cigarettes, but she hates the smell of weed, so she tries to keep it down as much as possible.

She may be a dick, but atleast we agree on what smells okay, cigarettes are okay because of the nostalgia feeling, weed is just yucky smelling.

We're finally in speaking distance.

"You know smokings bad for you right?" I say with a smile, as if I was joking.

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