Change for the Better

Ariana

Me and Elijah got up to the PICU and walked over to the desk. Elijah talked to the lady getting the instructions on what to do.

We walked over to the hand washing station having to thoroughly wash them up to the elbows. Elijah had to help me stand as I was tired and still not up to my full strength. After that was done we were let through double doors and guided to the room.

I don't know why but I was so excited and now my anxiety was through the roof. I stop outside of the door not moving an inch.

Elijah placed a gentle hand on my back as he gently talked to me. I don't know what he said as I was kinda in a haze. Me and Elijah have gotten really close during these last 48 hours, I could never thank him enough.

"Amelia we are ready for you." I looked up and saw Sarah again. She was really nice, I liked her.

I took a deep breath and focused back on my surroundings. I nod as I slowly followed Sarah into the room and what I saw was heart breaking.

My daughter was connected to what seemed like hundreds of wires, she also had a feeding tub in her nose. She was so small, tinier then an American Girl Doll, and she was in a clear plastic container.

I slowly walked forward as tears slowly fell down my face. I wanted to hold her and make sure she was ok but I couldn't.

Before I could even touch her I had to put hand sanitizer on again, and the only way I could touch her was through tiny holes that when pushed against opened.

I walked over to the incubator thing slowly, she was gorgeous even if she had wires covering her. I can't believe that I made that inside me, it's crazy.

Slowly each my hand inside and grab her little hand. I don't know what came over me but as soon as my hand touched hers I broke down crying. Both from sadness and happiness.

I tried to hold back my sobs but couldn't. There was something that just clicked inside of me, I don't know what it was but all I know is that I would protect her with my life even if it killed me.

I felt Elijah rubbing my back as I started to pull myself together. "Have you picked out a name yet?" He asked gently and in a whisper.

I nod quickly looking back at Elijah and Sarah. "Ariana, it was my mothers name. God I wish she was here..."

Elijah smiled "Ariana is a beautiful name, just like her." I saw Sarah looking at her watch out of the corner of my eyes before she looked back up and smiled "Amelia it's about time for you to pump again, so let get you back to your room."

Is she serious, I'm not leaving this room until I'm taking my daughter with me. I shake my head "I'm not leaving this room, I just got here."

Sarah could see that I wasn't going to leave. She nods "not a problem I can go grab the machine and we can get set up in the back corner if you want?"

I quickly nod, that's sounds amazing. I slowly walk back to the corner with Elijah, I sat on a big comfy chair while he sat in like a regular chair. "Would you like me to leave? I can come back later?" He asked.

I look around and shake my head "no there is a curtain I can just close it, your more then welcome to hold Ariana's hand if you want, I promise I won't freak out." I laughed at the end of my sentence.

Elijah nods and gets up as Sarah comes back in and shuts the curtain to give me some privacy.

She helped me untie the hospital gown and get comfortable before she place what was called the flange on my chest, I'll just call it the pump.

Let me tell you it doesn't feel any better then it did before, it hurts for like a whole minute before I can get somewhat comfortable again.

"Does that ever go away, it hurts." I complained. Sarah gave my a sympathetic smile and shakes her head as she made me lean back in the chair again. "It doesn't not from my experience at least it always is uncomfortable the first 20 seconds of pumping again. Just try and relax we won't have to do it for 20 minutes this time if your that uncomfortable."

This is why I love her, she understands. I'm also guessing they don't get many teen moms here in this small town.

After about 13 minutes I was able to stop pumping as Sarah took everything to empty it and get it cleaned, I got dressed again and opened the curtain to see Elijah holding Ariana's hand and smiling just staring at her.

"Sarah told me I might get discharged tomorrow morning but Ariana will have to stay here until she's able to be off the feeding tube and other things. She says it's a good thing she doesn't need oxygen." I walk over and stand next to him looking at Ariana. For some reason I can't help but feel guilty that she has to fight for her life cause my body couldn't take care of her anymore and became a risk to her.

I thought today was going to be a good day with out any stress beside the CPS lady but I was wrong.

Out of nowhere there was a rapid beeping sound making me look up at the monitor that displayed Ariana's vitals. Her heartbeat was dropping and quickly.

One second it was just me and Elijah in the room and then 3 nurses were in the room and started to surround Ariana while Elijah was gently pulling me away. Everything was going is slow motion but was also going crazy fast.

I started fighting against Elijah trying to get back in the room, I need to see if Ariana is ok. She can't die on me. "Let me go! What is going on?!?"

Elijah was strong and was able to keep me from running in but he was also gentle like he wasn't even trying and this was light work for him. "Amelia you have to stay out they are going to do everything they can." I could tell he was trying to comfort me but it wasn't working.

"Let me go!! She is dying and I'm not there!!!" I was still fighting but I was getting tired but out of nowhere a sharp pain, like I was stabbed ran through my body staring from my stomach.

I quickly doubled over and held my stomach. I felt my hand grow warm, which was weird. I stopped fighting Elijah and looked down at my hand and noticed it covered in blood.

My stitches ripped, big time.

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Date Finished: 04/11/24

Word Count: 1196