Kevin's Ghostly and Gothic Harem (Discontinued)

Episode 16: Spectra's Counseling

(Opening in Spectra's office.)

Jazz: "Is it always so cold in here?"

Spectra: [She turns the thermostat from "Cold" to "Colder".] "Of course! I find that cold temperatures keep the mind icy sharp." [She straightens up her office a little.] "And don't you worry about this mess of an office, either. Stuff happens! No biggie. Right, Jasmine?"

Jazz: "It's Jazz. My friends call me Jazz."

Dannie: "Yeah, well, your sister calls you fink!"

Kevin: "Okay, Dannie, relax, Jazz's just trying to help. Come on, you two used to talk all the time."

Dannie: "Yeah, when I was 8 and she weren't a fink."

Lancer: "That's more than enough out of you, Fenton. Get to class while Ms. Spectra and be grateful your brother's willing to keep you outta trouble here before I can decide what your punishment is." [Dannie scowls at Jazz, then stomps off in a huff with Kevin following her.] "Unlike their sister, Jazz and Kevin are one of Casper's best and brightest students. Jazz'll be giving the keynote pep speech at our centennial Spirit-a-thon on Wednesday."

Spectra: "Right on! That's why I'm here." [Gestures at a series of photos on the wall, in which she looks chipper and various students look horribly depressed.] "To pump up the pep, one student at a time."

Lancer: "Jazz, Dr. Spectra is a highly respected motivational speaker and teen therapist. She's agreed to help pump up the volume on that old Casper High spirit this week."

(Bertrand walks in holding a sheet of paper.)

Spectra: "And this is my assistant, Bertrand."

(Jazz waves. Bertrand just sniffs. Jazz falters, looking awkward.)

Spectra: "Jazz, we're gonna have a super week! Wait'll you see what we have planned for the Spirit-a-thon! Right after your speech, show her, Bertrand," [pointing to the card Bertrand holds up, showing 'Casper High' written in dominoes] "We'll set off this domino chain that says "Casper Spirit". Dominoes represent how each person's spirit affects the next person they touch. Slammin', huh?"

Jazz: "If by slammin', you mean weird, then yes."

Lancer: "And the spirit sparklers go off afterwards...right?"

Spectra: "Oh, you bet they will." [Pulling a pair of sparklers out of her desk, she leaps up onto it, brandishing them enthusiastically.] "After all, what's spirit week without spirit sparklers?

Jazz: "You know, you're a little over-peppy, but my sister might benefit from talking to you. But she's so mad right now, she'd never listen to me."

Lancer: "Yes, well, she'll listen to me."

(Camera opens back on Dannie, looking cross. It zooms out to show her sitting outside Spectra's office, under a sign declaring his chair the 'Happy Chair!' She looks up as the door opens and Paulina and Spectra walk out.)

Paulina: [unhappily] "So, you're saying my popularity is, like, completely dependent on my beauty?"

Spectra: [gently] "I'm not saying it's fair, sweetie. But if you feel like you need something, like, a lot of makeup, I say go for it! You're the only you you've got!" [Turns to Dannie] "Dannie, come on in!"

(She goes back into the office and Dannie follows her, closing the door behind him. Paulina stands there despondently for a moment, then turns and walks away. Camera goes to the office, where Spectra is sitting at her desk and Dannie is shivering in the chair across from her.)